Am I the unreasonable neighbour?

[BeckyOrange02859]

I recently bought a semi detached house and redecorated most of it. It was empty for about 2 years before I bought it as the previous owner died.

The problem I've got is soundproofing isn't great. If I sit in absolute silence, I can even hear the water flowing when my neighbours turn a tap on. I believe they own their property but not sure. When sat in silence, I can hear when they use their microwave, the soundproofing is that bad. I can't move to another room as such because it's a party wall, all the rooms are up against their property if you know what I mean.

When I moved in, during the first week I moved in, in the day they came round to complain that my TV was too loud, so then I turned it down. I've tried to be more quiet, but I can regularly hear them arguing in the day. They mentioned they like to go to bed at 10pm and would like me to be quiet after this time, but I often like to watch TV until midnight sometimes of a weekend.

Last night I had two friends round and we was having a couple of drinks but didn't have music or TV on or anything like that and they came round at 2am to tell us to be more quiet.

I feel like I can't enjoy my own home for fear of upsetting my neighbours. I have never complained to them once and I think if they are more bothered by noise than me they should pay to get soundproofing fitted on their house or I should just ignore them.

Am I being unreasonable?

Obviously you should pay for the soundproofing between you. Just because it doesn't bother you now doesn't mean it never will. You're lucky that right now you have quiet neighbours who are in bed by 10, but if they move out and you get someone else in with a different lifestyle, or if you have a baby who gets woken up a lot, the boot might be on the other foot.

You are not unreasonable at all but for both your sakes you should look into soundproofing, it’s not that expensive these days

YANBU - you sound like a great neighbour! I'm with your friends - if they don't like hearing you then it's up to them to soundproof their wall. At the end of the day, you're not doing anything illegal or unacceptable so ignore them.

I live in a terrace. I can't hear one side at all and I know that wall has thin polystyrene sound proofing on it for some of it. On the other side they've done some work, especially upstairs and now I can hear every phone beep and plug being put in its socket when I couldn't before.

So either you removed some sound proofing during your renovations or they've done what I suspect my neighbour has done and built an alcove into the actual party wall 🤦‍♀️. If you took off layers of wallpaper then things probably have got louder!

I don't think having friends over past midnight or watching TV late at night are unreasonable things to do unless it's really blaring out. I don't play the piano or vacuum after ten pm but that's about it.

If the tv isn’t on super loud.
If you’re not shouting loudly with your friends late into the night
Then you are living normally

They can always complain to the council about loud noice. They will come out and do a survey and advice. ( this will not be taken inside their home it’s taken in the street ) However noise before midnight is not taken as a serious issue and the level of noise seen as a disturbance is akin to playing the drums with the windows open at 2am.

Next time they complain, explain you can hear then talking and arguing too and if it’s an issue they need to sound proof. Even carpets and soft furnishings help absorb sound.

I've had similar issues. People forget what it is to live in a semi/terrace property. You do hear your neighbours. When it's been empty for a while, you get used to not hearing anything.

Maybe look at soft furnishings or wood panelling to help deaden the noise and inform your neighbours that you are doing this to be considerate, but at the same time, you are not living unreasonably.

My neighbour complained repeatedly to the council until we told the council we would take legal advice for harassment as we just worked full time, came home, made dinner and watched a bit of TV. We had a lot of DIY to do and they hated that 🤷🏼‍♀️

Having been through this sort of madness many years ago, I swore I would never again live in a conjoined dwelling, and have enjoyed fully detached houses ever since. It's well worth it.

Same here. I really feel for people who are noise sensitive or have noise-sensitive neighbours, and are not in a position to do so. It's bliss having control over one's own environment.

In our previous house we had issues with noise when the owners moved out and started renting it to tennants. Believe it or not, the year that the German family lived there with two primary aged girls was probably the worst in terms of noise because the children seemed to go to bed at midnight or sometimes later, and it was always accompanied with a game of chase like a herd of elephants and much screaming and excitement before they eventually settled down... Although waking up to the owners baby crying in the room next to ours and then having to deal with that plus the mother trying to calm it down, then later adding the father also was rather irritating. Another set of tennants I once lent out of my bedroom window and knocked on theirs to ask them to turn their music down as I could hear every single word....

We moved to another semi - but this one has most of the rooms we 'live' in not attached - only one room is attached on each floor. When I'm working in that room I can hear things in the neighbouring house - the TV, the dog, the children, DIY etc - but it's not too bad and doesn't interfere with what I'm doing so it doesn't bother me. Similarly, despite the neighbour regularly apologising about it, hearing their kids playing in the garden or the dog woofing in the garden (only for short periods) doesn't bother me in the least.

It sounds as though your noise levels are not unreasonable - having the TV at a level that you can still hear their microwave indicates that the volume is not high. I think that they had become so used to the complete lack of sounds that anything you do will now register for them - I do hope that this improves (although you could go for the harassment option (ie report them for it) if they continue to be unreasonable in their requests). I don't think it would hurt pointing out all the noise you hear from them if they're going to start criticising you for having the TV on low or having friends round just talking.

Maybe you should start complaining a little so they realise sound goes both ways through those walls.

When they argue, knock on the door and ask them to keep it down. Maybe add a comment as to who you think is in the right.

When they use the microwave, knock on the door and ask if they could get one with a quieter beep.

When they flush the loo, knock on the door and ask if they need to use the toilet quite as often. Maybe suggest eating more fibre.

They'll soon stop.

Thin walls are an absolute nightmare, I know myself! It’s difficult when you want to live a normal life but also get good sleep, neither party is at fault for wanting either of those things, it’s literally the buildings fault.

I’ve been in similar situations and on both sides of this, and I most recently learnt the best way for all of us was for me to approach my neighbours in a very kind friendly & lighthearted way to discuss how annoyingly thin the walls are and how frustrating it is for both of us, have a bit of a laugh about it together & discuss if there are actually any soundproofing/structural changes we could both make for the sake of our leisure and sleep times.

in the end we didn’t event need to do anything, because after that very positive & mutually relatable convo, the negativity stress part of it went away! I still hear my neighbour bashing their chicken breasts most Sunday mornings at 9am when I want to sleep in, and hear their dog barking several times a day, and they still hear me practicing my god awful singing an hour or so, several days of the week. But it just doesn’t stress us out anymore because we both understand its not us causing the issue, it’s the house, and we are both just trying to live a normal life.

In past properties when I’ve had thin walls & both of us “complain” to eachother, in a stressed & annoyed manner it just put a massive veil of negativity over everything. It just made life miserable for everybody.

There’s such a massive difference in quality of life in when we can change our mindset & outlook on circumstances like these that are pretty much out of our control. And I know it’s not you who has complained, but just try to empathise with them if their sleep schedules are being disturbed it is difficult. Again it’s not you, it’s the house, but you can both try to learn to live with it & make things more pleasant for eachother. Also remember you guys don’t really know eachother yet, and there’s still time to turn this around & make life pleasant for both of you.

id either write to them or go round and have a super lighthearted & friendly chat, take them some nice biscuits & introduce yourself properly and make fun of how annoyingly thin the walls are and how you absolutely don’t mind when you can hear their microwave etc because that’s just part of normal life, and keep referring to how it’s the silly houses/walls fault (leave out hearing their arguments as that just adds back in more negativity to the situation).

also try to build a relationship with them, ask them how they did their garden so nice or decor etc, chose anything relatable that you can give complements on. Get to know them, ask about careers, family, and tell them about you.

Be a really friendly neighbour, kill them with kindness, and soon there will be no complaints so long as you all continue being respectful to eachother :)

I'm sure we can get a bit loud after drinks until 2am, but you weren't playing music or watching TV. If you can hear the bloody tap being turned on then neither of you are being unreasonable. Do you have carpets/rugs/curtains or other soft furnishings?

You can tell them you're being as mindful as possible, but it's impossible to live in utter silence.

There just needs to none give and take. House sounds awful though. I'd be looking to move. Even everyday noise can be heard. But 2 am is too late for noise by most people's standards. Working together or moving. No point in being at loggerheads when it's down to the lack of soundproofing in the house.

Sounds like your neighbours have had the benefit of living next to an empty house for two years and expect you to be just as silent.

We live in a terraced house and can hear both sides. One side not so much but the other quite often we hear the kids going mental and them being told off. If I can hear them I'm sure they can hear us when we play music or have all the sound on for watching films.

It works both ways, if you're making noise you need to be prepared to put up with some noise.

Daft to say no TV after 10. That's unreasonable in the extreme. You need to have a talk. Tell them you can hear everything, and frankly you'll both have to live with it. Look into sound proofing and share the costs evenly. Time to be clear and firm I'm afraid or you will be tip toeing around your own house.

As for the one late night...we get occasional noisy late nights from our neighbours. If it was every weekend I'd have a word, once in a while, that's life.

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I can recommend bluetooth headphones which you can wear that hook up to your TV which means you can watch TV in silence - I found this out as we live in a bungalow and we often don't want to have the TV on in the hour after my DD has gone to bed to try and help her drift off to sleep as the sound carries through the rooms. The headphones have been a game changer!

I’m sure you can buy a decibel register and look online to see what level constitutes a noise nuisance by your local council.

Once you are sure that you aren’t exceeding them, you can tell your neighbours when they next complain. You will also know it’s not you and can tell your friends/family to butt out.

I think it’s really possible they just don’t know how much that their sounds carries just as much to your house as it does to theirs. I think you should at least let them know. Tell them you can hear their microwave and them talking.

It may be they can add to their soundproofing with bookshelves etc.

I think you are right. They’ve got used to not hearing anything as the house was empty for two years.

You are also right to ask why houses are built with so little soundproofing. I assume it saves the builders costs.

Just think how many less hassles neighbours would have if terraces houses and flats had good soundproofing.

start recording all their little tiffs, and connect it to a set of speakers and play it back for them. Problem solved.

I agree! You should be able to do as you wish at any time in your own home, except the obvious so no loud music after 11pm and no building works during the hours advised by law...maybe be polite and explain you hear them and perhaps you could look into jointly sorting the soundproofing out? But if you do please ensure you have a written contract and make sure its legal and is witnessed, just to be on the safe side.

Headphones in her own home? That's ludicrous. Me and DP sit together watching TV from 10 to midnight every night, its our thing. Should we each have one side like it's the 80s listening to our Walkman?
Utter ridiculousness but I expect nothing less on here!

I'm absolutely gobsmacked that people think you are being unreasonable! It's YOUR bloody house! If you want to watch TV at midnight or in the clearly hours it's your right too! This is absolutely crazy!! 🤯🤯 If you were having regular parties, playing loud music all the time I could understand why your neighbours would complain but it sounds like you are being more than reasonable! And If they can hear your TV etc.. and it's bothering them that much it is their responsibility to soundproof their house.

In my opinion YANBU

After 10pm should be quiet if there is this issue with the walls and sound. It was 2am and after having a few drinks would be louder than you think you are. Can you get sound proofing in your home or any grants for that.

OP didn't have any music on. You've just made that up!

@Vettrianofan Even when in the rooms sharing a party wall, neither of us has ever heard the other. Though I realise that may just be our lifestyles

You can hear them, they can hear you, you brought the property so just get soundproofing your side. Then if he complains tell him I've had sound proofing to resolve it, if it's still a problem for them tell him to look at having it done, or just speak to them about having it done together. I'm guessing you don't have kids because they don't do quiet lol. Be glad they feel they can come too you some just complain. Goodluck on new adventure

Why is it up to OP ? The neighbours make noise - she’s been clear that she hears them, so why should she be the only one to fork out, given that they are the ones doing the complaining ?