Am I the unreasonable neighbour?

[BeckyOrange02859]

I recently bought a semi detached house and redecorated most of it. It was empty for about 2 years before I bought it as the previous owner died.

The problem I've got is soundproofing isn't great. If I sit in absolute silence, I can even hear the water flowing when my neighbours turn a tap on. I believe they own their property but not sure. When sat in silence, I can hear when they use their microwave, the soundproofing is that bad. I can't move to another room as such because it's a party wall, all the rooms are up against their property if you know what I mean.

When I moved in, during the first week I moved in, in the day they came round to complain that my TV was too loud, so then I turned it down. I've tried to be more quiet, but I can regularly hear them arguing in the day. They mentioned they like to go to bed at 10pm and would like me to be quiet after this time, but I often like to watch TV until midnight sometimes of a weekend.

Last night I had two friends round and we was having a couple of drinks but didn't have music or TV on or anything like that and they came round at 2am to tell us to be more quiet.

I feel like I can't enjoy my own home for fear of upsetting my neighbours. I have never complained to them once and I think if they are more bothered by noise than me they should pay to get soundproofing fitted on their house or I should just ignore them.

Am I being unreasonable?

If their noise is loud enough to pick up on your phone, why not record it. Then tell them that you too can hear their noise and their arguments. You can play them the recording if it was possible to record.

You need to stay calm but firm in this. It is not reasonable to expect no noise so early in the evening. I often watch TV till 12 midnight and I don't think I am that unusual in that respect. Suggest to them that they investigate soundproofing since they are the ones who are complaining. You too hear their noise but have not made a big fuss about it.

If you have friends round till 2am on a regular basis then perhaps it would be reasonable to ask you to keep the noise down. Where we live, about twice a year, or sometimes more, different neighbours have loud parties that go on well into the early hours. My feeling is that if you have close neighbours you must accept a certain amount of noise - sometimes fairly loud noise - from time to time.

I'd be interested to know how your neighbours would cope if it had been a single mother with a newborn that bought the place... :S

Having been through this sort of madness many years ago, I swore I would never again live in a conjoined dwelling, and have enjoyed fully detached houses ever since. It's well worth it.

They will get used to it, if the house has been empty for 2 years they will be used to silence. If you live alone I can’t imagine you are that noisy most of the time.

We have one set of really noisy neighbours and one side a silent old lady. So much do I have to make up reasons to pop round to check if she is still alive or not.

The other side though, we hear everything! I know more about their lives than zi do my own!!

Perhaps next time you hear them arguing go round and tell them verbatim that you are so sorry the X is causing a problem for you but would you please resolve the issue quietly! 👂

Soundproofing is very expensive and can be done badly so that very little difference is made. Especially if the majority of your living spaces are touching.
I'd probably try and keep the peace as much as possible and sell the house when you can.

equally they could use earplugs

I agree it's not down to age and shouldn't be framed as such.
I'm the opposite, at all ages I've always been extremely sound sensitive and very early on I've learnt that earplugs and smiling and discussing things mutually can help people to feel less hostile about normal everyday noise.

My life would be hell if I didn't learn that.

Do your neighbours have any idea how lucky they are to have a single lady occupant in a neighbouring house with sound proofing issues?

If they mention noise again, I would smile and respond "yes, the soundproofing is awful, I hear your microwave & shower all the time and that little argument last week too. I really hope neither of have to sell up and very large family with young kids and animals move in instead. Now that would be a nightmare".

This is a computer image of the house type we live in. New build (2020) & neither I nor my neighbour can hear a thing from either side other than when her partner slams the door in a rush. So despite the recent 'everybody hate new builds' bandwagon, they are definitely improving on things like soundproofing.

Also, the build quality is a lot better than expected with only one very minor snag - one dislodged roof tile.
We were amongst the first to be built on this development so having watched the rest be built, I can attest that at least with this developer, they are most certainly not 'thrown up' as the tagline goes.

You'd be amazed how many people don't realise sound goes both ways

Do tell them all the tedious details of what you hear from them! I agree they've probably been spoiled by your house having been empty for so long.

A wall of books is a good suggestion. Soundproof cladding's expensive, but it does look very cool if you ever win the lottery. Other options include things like acoustic plasterboard or (very ugly) foam tiles.

Ideally, both sides would muffle their walls.

I can see how these two houses would get peace from each other as the main communal rooms are opposite sides, far side of the other. Great idea. Unfortunately I don't see that many around. If only...

It’s unreasonable to have music blaring at 2am tbf.

Who is blaring music at 2am?

We used to live in a modern end terrace. Three times a night, every night for 7 years, I’d hear our adjoining neighbour having a wee. He was about 6’5” and it was only ever the sound of him urinating from a great height that we heard.

Don't pander to them OP, if you do then it will never end.

I have somebody like that downstairs, a young man who sits indoors all day smoking cannabis and making my own flat stink of it and at one point he was coming up three times a week - moaning about my children playing, moaning about "banging" (us walking about in the flat), moaning about me repairing a cupboard at 1pm in the afternoon.

The irony escaped him as actually he was the antisocial one. Loud music into the early hours, him and his girlfriend kicking the shit out of each other after they'd had a drink.

I tried to pander to them to begin with as I was the new neighbour but he just took it too far. Expecting me to put my children to bed at 7pm for example, when their bed time is 8pm. No noise at all after 7pm, then it was 6pm, then 5pm. The guy is an idiot.

In the end I said that it is normal household noise and I'm not responsible for ineffective soundproofing so I suggest he takes it up with the Co proprietor of the building or my landlord. He hasn't bothered. He still bangs on the ceiling every so often, fuck him.

Suggest your neighbours invest in soundproofing, if you wanted to keep good relations you could always do the same from your side.

It’s completely unreasonable! You should be able to watch TV/ listen to quiet music whenever you want in your own home. It’s unreasonable if it’s super loud, but that’s it. If your reasonable about the level of noise the neighbours either need to soundproof or they should have considered a detached house! I have adjoined neighbours and we can hear them and the kids and never once complained because they’re in their own home and I’m sure they hear us too sometimes!

If the house has stood empty for a long while, they’ve probably got used to the quiet. But you are entitled to the enjoyment of your home and rather than risking a hostile situation I would be discussing a mutual solution - firstly tell them that you can hear them through the wall just as much and then set about discussing how you can both soundproof better, before things escalate. If they report to the local authority that counts as a neighbour dispute and can make your property difficult to sell.

Not on any planet is this a reasonable request. Both need to improve soundproofing. Neighbours need earplugs. Welcome to the world of homes with shared walls.

They are being ridiculous. Sadly those 2 years of quiet has made them super sensitive to noise it seems.
I lived in a semi as a single woman next to a retired couple. I used to hear her plugging things in the wall, opera on a Saturday afternoon etc then they got a telly in the bedroom which I could quietly hear. I just put ear plugs in if it was bothering me & it was always off by midnight.
This is what adjoined living is there has to be some expectancy of living noise!! As someone else has mentioned god help if you had a newborn in the house or a noisy family!! Next time they come around I would point out exactly what you can hear & it works both ways. They can’t expect you not to live past 10pm & not watch telly at a normal volume!! I have no idea of costs or what it would entail but maybe you could look at sound proofing options for your own sanity. These people would be doing my head in!

So you put a sofa up against the party wall and sat on it chatting until 2a.m, probably loudly after several drinks. Not something you should be doing often, occasionally they need to curse you and get earplugs. TV - if it's just you watching put headphones on, sound quality is probably better anyway.

£20 for a pack of tiles https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0BP872R82/ref=sspa_dk_detail_1?pd_rd_i=B0BP872R82&pd_rd_w=wnMGe&content-id=amzn1.sym.84ea1bf1-65a8-4363-b8f5-f0df58cbb686&pf_rd_p=84ea1bf1-65a8-4363-b8f5-f0df58cbb686&pf_rd_r=NEWRBR33PVM757HDF6SX&pd_rd_wg=A0Pkd&pd_rd_r=a121d353-7a3e-404d-8c71-d6659e0fee9a&s=musical-instruments&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9kZXRhaWw&th=1

I think people are too quick to run round and complain to their neighbours. I wouldn’t want to fall out over something small or something that I know they can’t really help. My neighbours sometimes do stuff I don’t like but me and DH have a grumble to each other and move on. My in laws recently fell out with their neighbours of 30 years over them parking a mobile home on the drive, and it didn’t really even affect them at all. I just thought why have you done that?

I think that because the house has been empty for so long, that they've got used to not having any noise from it.
I would certainly tell them what you can hear from their house. It's not just down to you to sort it out.

Imagine a house being your greatest expense and then you can't live in as you wish. Soundproofing is a huge problem for most people.

I think to keep the peace, tell them you can hear them too (politely) but don't say it doesn't bother you. Tell them everything you hear, and if you feel comfortable, let them see what you mean from inside your house. Just say you manage with it. I think you should be clear though that they should consider soundproofing their home. It's not that expensive, well, I think it isn't if noise is something that bothers someone. I think it improves quality of life.

I agree. it's not worth it. Neighbours can be really helpful when you need them while being away and they are the first to know if you're hurt in your home etc. I know the last is an extreme example, but I think it's important.

We did have neighbours who really liked to put their music on loud but we just let it go as it was infrequent. But for some reason they were doing it quite a bit during my sister's exam period and it really disturbed her. She was quite sensitive to it because she was stressed. My dad spoke to them and they were super understanding mainly because we hadn't complained about her doing it generally, but just during this important time.