Am I the unreasonable neighbour?

[BeckyOrange02859]

I recently bought a semi detached house and redecorated most of it. It was empty for about 2 years before I bought it as the previous owner died.

The problem I've got is soundproofing isn't great. If I sit in absolute silence, I can even hear the water flowing when my neighbours turn a tap on. I believe they own their property but not sure. When sat in silence, I can hear when they use their microwave, the soundproofing is that bad. I can't move to another room as such because it's a party wall, all the rooms are up against their property if you know what I mean.

When I moved in, during the first week I moved in, in the day they came round to complain that my TV was too loud, so then I turned it down. I've tried to be more quiet, but I can regularly hear them arguing in the day. They mentioned they like to go to bed at 10pm and would like me to be quiet after this time, but I often like to watch TV until midnight sometimes of a weekend.

Last night I had two friends round and we was having a couple of drinks but didn't have music or TV on or anything like that and they came round at 2am to tell us to be more quiet.

I feel like I can't enjoy my own home for fear of upsetting my neighbours. I have never complained to them once and I think if they are more bothered by noise than me they should pay to get soundproofing fitted on their house or I should just ignore them.

Am I being unreasonable?

I'd just get on with your life and tell them to suck it up. It's not like your having all night raves.

Ask them to pay for sound proofing if it's that much of a problem. I wouldn't be turning my TV off at 10pm on a Sat night for no one.

You don't have to answer your door to them and if they nab you in the garden just male your excuse and go inside. Pretend like they aren't there.

This 💯 per cent!

I had this issue in my previous house, could even hear my neighbour cracking open a can of beer 😣They used to make noise on purpose to wake me up and it wrecked my mental health.

People are suggesting soundproofing, but the thing is, when the walls are so thin it doesn’t work very well. I had it done in my bedroom and would say it reduced the sound by about 20%. Even with that and earplugs I could still hear their dog barking clearly.

I think the only solution is to move house unfortunately. Like you mentioned before, pick a house that has the two front doors together.

I disagree. It's not unreasonable to watch tv after 10pm. Or talk!
Without hearing the exact volume it's impossible to say who's being unreasonable.

YANBU. It's normal and reasonable to have the TV on at 10pm, or to be talking with friends at 2am. It's also normal and reasonable to make a bit of proper noise occasionally, such as a birthday party, though polite to warn any neighbours in advance. None of this is anti-social noise-nuisance behaviour.

A PP is correct that you have to nip this in the bud and establish boundaries from the start.

I've had a similar experience to you, with an unreasonable neighbour, but it's a few years down the line. I'm a middle aged woman living alone with my cat, hardly watch the TV, no massive sound system just a tabletop mini speaker. Rarely entertain more than one friend at a time.

I live in an area with lots of small, narrow terraced houses. We all know the party walls are thin. Nobody complains. Nobody, that is, except for this neighbour, a husband with wife and 2 kids. His complaints started not long after I moved in a few years ago.

Complaints about normal noise like occasional TV, occasional music, nothing out of the ordinary in the context of 99% silence from my side. They also make noise - for example the kids screaming in the plastic pool in the garden all summer, the constant rumble of their outdoor tumble dryer near my back door.

It all came to a head a couple of years later, when I was pottering in my garden shed with Radio 3 on one afternoon, and an opera I liked came on, so I turned the volume up. Neighbours kids were as usual screaming in the paddling pool. Within a few minutes he was calling me over the fence telling me to turn the music down. I said no. This blew his little mind.

"Would you like me to report you to the council for anti-social behaviour?" he asked. I said fine, go ahead. And he did. Of course, nothing came of it and I replied to the council's email advising them that it was a vexatious complaint.

Neighbour then emails me with a 2,000 word account of his grievances over the years and explaining why he is always right. I didn't respond.

I came to realise that it was all about control. He thought, - because he no doubt controls his [very meek] wife and two daughters, - that he could also control me, a single woman. He wouldn't have dared behave like this towards a single middle-aged male neighbour.

To cut a long story short, in the end I had to email him telling him not to contact me directly again, and that any necessary communication should be conducted via his solicitors. Not a peep since then.

We had six years with a fighting, screaming family on the other side of a party wall who made our lives a complete misery. We did all the "tricks" like moving furniture/rooms around, putting wall hangings up to deaden noise, ear plugs, white noise machines etc etc. But what you're describing sounds like normal neighbour noise.

Something can be a statutory noise nuisance at any time of the day or night but as far as councils are concerned night hours are between 11pm and 7am and that's the time when the "permitted" noise levels are lower. Total silence from 10pm might be nice to have if that's when you want to go to bed but it isn't realistic or reasonable to insist on it.
So maybe reach some kind of compromise with them - like wearing headphones to watch TV after 10 or 11 during the week or something?

And it might be worth downloading a decibel meter app. They're not as accurate as the noise monitoring kit that councils use but will let you check that you actually are as quiet as you think you are.

They also need to know how much of their noise you can hear too because at the moment they seem to think the problem is all you, rather than it being the properties you all live in. They might give you less grief if they realise you can hear it when they sneeze! Good luck OP.

But what's a conversation going to do?

They are used to having an empty house next door. If you have a conversation and tell them all the noise you can hear from their house and show that your TV is at a normal level. Are there two of them? One could be in their house listening whilst you show the other how loud your TV is and that you can hear their taps/microwave etc. They most likely have no idea.

I think you should pop over for a chat and say you can hear their microwave and obviously you know they can hear you talking with friends so thought would ask what each of you could do to muffle the noise transmission. I had to do this with a neighbour and we found the following helped- tv/ radio/ speakers facing to garden / thick heavy lined curtains drawn/ thickest underlay possible for carpet to absorb sound and double glazed windows. Good luck

10pm is very early to expect someome to turn their tv off, thats when I watch tv. I dont finish work untill late. Music fair enough, that shouldnt be played.

I think it’s about being reasonable.

The reality is that if you live in close proximity to other people then you can’t expect silence from them but you also can’t do the same things that you would do if you lived in a secluded detached house.

I live in a terraced house and personally I would not have friends over chatting and laughing until 2 am on a Sunday night.

Suggest you get the party wall soundproofed - it would suit both of you

I live in a terraced house with poor sound insulation. Sunday to Thursday quiet after 10pm. Weekends quite after 11pm. Occasionally midnight if I have friends over.
They are probably more irritated as they have effectively been living in a detached house for the last two years but will have to get used to it.
Their problem not yours if you are respectful which sounds like you are.

can people STOP SUGGESTING OP gets her side sound proofed

A - MANY people have already done so on this thread, it's not a new and innovative suggestion

B - OP has repeatedly said she can't afford to do so - unless you're willing to pay, repeating it won't make the money magically appear

C - doing it only on her side with thin walls might not help much anyway, particularly given (their complaint about trying to sleep upstairs while she's watching tv downstairs) some of the noise is coming through the ceiling/floor

it's like 2024's version of 'cancel the cheque.'

But there is a reasonable expectation of noise during the day. As a night worker, you expect that.

There isn't a reasonable expectation of noise at 2am, and whilst I agree with you just chatting isn't unreasonable, it obviously kept them awake or woke them up.

You must let them know that you can hear them as much as they can hear you. That way the blame can be rightly directed to the lack of soundproofing, and not on you being unreasonable.

My mum had this problem with her old semi detached. She would sit in her front room reading and hear every word of the tv next door. The partition walls were awful. My dad ended up putting up an extra soundproof layer all the way across all the rooms which made a huge difference and only lost them a couple of inches if that

Well that's where soundproofing needs to be done properly and assessed how sound is travelling as they will need to do the entire party.wall on both floors and if joists are running through sound will bleed so that needs to be looked at.

And OP shouldn't have to do it the people complaining should since they are the one with the issue.

Are you being serious?

No tv or music or even talking after 10pm?

Whatever next? OP has to be silent until 9am?

What will the neighbours do if the OP had a baby?

I live in a semi detached, i hear them, heard their children when they was babies. I bet the hear us.
I respect my neighbours but I'm not going to be watching my TV with headphones.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

I live in a terrace. It’s an older 1900s property so not the thin flimsy new build types. But I can still hear bits n pieces next door both sides. One side he works shifts and is often at his girlfriend’s house but he has young adult children. It seems the lad has the bedroom that shares a walk with mine. I often hear him talking when I’m in bed but I’ve just got used to it. He’s apparently talking online whilst gaming. The people on the other side are an older couple. I can usually hear the coughing when I’m watching tv. My longer shares a wall with them but the rest of their house shares with my hallway and stairs so I only hear when they’re in their lounge. Sometimes I can hear their tv if I’m sat in silence, but it’s rare I sit in silence. When their grandchild visits I can hear them running about.

I’m a single parent and my kids are older but I’ve one who’s autistic and prone to meltdowns. I’m paranoid about the neighbours hearing and have mentioned it to them when she’s been particularly bad. But they’re usually really nice and say they don’t hear - they probably do but are too polite.

The worst offending noise though is people out on the street. On an old terrace the outside noise travels and in summer with windows slightly open I’ve heard many a conversation being had in back yards. lol. I’ve also heard several neighbours rowing with their partners/kids from across the street.

Im not sure what else you can do other than point out to them w wet time you hear their noises so they can see it works both ways.

They need to make efforts to eliminate the noise such as ensuring all windows etc are closed, even though it is the quiet hours does not mean you can't live your life and watch TV or play music at a reasonable volume and if they don't like it tough let them contact the anti social and get laughed out the door

YANBU. If they corner you, I'd ask them please could they only run their taps/flush the loo/breathe between certain hours of the day, as you can hear them too and consideration goes both ways.

Surely it's par for the course not to bother reading any responses before posting 😂

Glue a rug to the ceiling?

We hear everything our neighbours do eg watching TV, arguing, flushing the toilet etc and just accept it as something we have to put up with as we live in a semi. Our neighbour is always messaging me, coming around complaining about out cooking smells! We cook normal british food, and our kitchen is on the opposite side of the house from theirs! I feel stressed when I'm cooking anything with the slightest smell. Also their landline must go off every 5 minutes and they never answer it ( and it's really loud) and I think one has COPD and keeps me awake with their dreadful cough- they have apologised for that but it's not as though they're doing it on purpose.

From experience, once you start relaying snippets of their arguments back to them, they usually pipe down

You need to tell your neighbours you can hear them!
ask what they microwave so often, tell them who you sided with in their last disagreement & why! & ask them about the tv show they watched!!
hopefully they’ll realise it’s not you & is the wall !!