To wholeheartedly agree with Brianna Ghey’s mother

[Moonpig82]

I spotted this article this morning. We personally do not allow Tik Tok, Insta, Facebook, Snapchat. For our eldest who has just got a phone when starting Year 7. However we have succumbed to whatsapp.

What are people’s thoughts? How can we ‘police’ our children’s phones?

Or AIBU and there is no policing for social media? I know my Year 7 child’s friends do have these apps. Not all of them though.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68193103

We need social media and sites such as youtube to provide apps for parents that alert us when our kids watch anything harmful or are contacted b y strangers.

We can't roll back tech that's already out there but we can make it unlawful for those companies to not do the absolute upmost to keep kids safe.

I also notice that the focus seems to be on the female killer, the same applies to the boy.

I tried so hard to monitor my kid's stuff and limit the time. He said he hated me for it and we had so many fights. And there's so much that can't be blocked.

Comtesse

How do you know she hasn’t got a burner phone?Are you going to keep her away from smartphones until she’s 18? Good luck with that.

aramox1

I agree it was an utter utter nightmare in our house. Arguments between us, us and our teens - continuously. It was miserable and still didn’t stop the things that happened to my children.

@soupfiend I honestly don't mind discussions as to why. I much prefer them as they tend to uncover a lot more going on, other systemic failures, I learn a lot etc.

But knee jerk, witch hunty , pie in the sky reactions like ban all smart phones/the internet until 18 are pointless. They focus on the wrong things, never go anywhere or end up with any real solutions or change and it just gives a platform to the sanctimonious to tell us how their 75 yo dad never needed a smart phone and their kid didn't even have a phone until 19. Yeah right. Never mind that I actually talked about the dangers of outright bans and how vulnerable it has left some of the kids I work with and I was completely ignored. Because no one actually wants to have a discussion or debate, just to beat a certain drum.

I agree with you whole heartedly on porn. I also see and acknowledge the dangers of SM . You know what I never see? Asks for bans of smartphone or the internet in that context. Sure there's talk about content and platforms but I have never seen someone say no man /boy should have access to a smart phone in case he accesses violent porn on it. It's never,ever even a consideration.

Also why is no one demanding the ban of Netflix(and such like) or no child having access until 16/18? It was also a contributing factor. By the sounds of it, it seems to have sparked /fed Scarlett's fascination with blood and gore and murder. In her own home,in plain view.

I am not sure Esther Ghey is pontificating. More likely she is a desperate grieving mother who wants to warn others of the dangers so no one else ends up in her position. I think she more than anyone is acutely aware of the impact of SM in this case.

I hope she isn’t reading this, but if she is then 💐.

There was always going to be a lot of attention on her because it's so rare for a woman to plan to murder in the way she did.

Yes, he was equally responsible and equally obsessed with death but she was the one who finalised the plans, did the research and picked the potential victims.

Gymrabbit

She’s bravely trying to help other parents and protect children.

Maybe if you had had to deal with a child struggling with bullying, anxiety and fitting in you might understand that everything isn’t always black or white and parenting is 10 times harder.

Why do you keep posting gross comments and then editing them?

My son never had a phone until he was 16. He didn't want one, and it was never an issue. He didn't feel left out. if he was asked why he didn't have one he said he said wouldn't use it.
He's 18 now and still not bothered about SM. He enjoys gaming online.
He has since said he's glad he never had access to SM at a younger age.
I do have another older son who had his first phone around age 13/14, but never caused any issues.

Esther Ghey is definitely not pontificating. I am in awe of her dignity and poise.

There has been some on this thread though. Really, if you don't have teen children, it's very easy to say you will do X or Y. In practice, not so easy. Youa re God to a 5 year old. You are not God to a 15-year-old. In fact, you are very far from God.

Gymrabbit, horrible post - 'so called parent'? 'Pontificating'?

i know the school both girls attended were unaware of the full circumstances of the ‘managed move’ (which is truly appalling) but I wonder how much Scarlett’s parents knew?

I know that if I had been made to leave my school due to attempting to poison another child there would have been no netflix, no phones/internet at all (let alone dark web) and absolutely no hanging out in the park. My parents would have moved heaven and earth to get me help, and if all else failed, I would be living somewhere else. I would be the same with my own children. I would go to any extreme (including leaving my job, moving house, hospitalisation, etc) to prevent anything else from happening.

What the fuck were Scarlett’s parents doing? She sounds like she was failed as well.

(I am under no illusion that PD are notoriously difficult to treat - I work in a similar field) but it sounds like she was allowed to do what she wanted. It is unfathomable to me.

Because I was slightly rephrasing what I said to make it clearer.

Other posters have engaged with my comments in a robust manner.

I consider teenagers dressing in porn inspired clothes for school ‘vile’ not those who call it out.

I’m in awe of Esther too. Such grace and strength, trying to do something good at such a horrific time. My heart goes out to her. I think she is one of the best placed people to have a voice on this subject and as a parenting site MN should do everything they can to support her. The laws she is suggesting would have protected and made such a difference to my children.

No. You are editing some pretty vile comments. All of which I’ve reported.

You are victim blaming and it’s gross.

I still stand by my comments in general but I see your point that a grieving mother may be reading this so am happy for them to be deleted on that basis.

@Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot I'm afraid I can only offer speculation on your other questions, which probably isn't advisable.

That's the thing, the were a lot of other issues at play here, a lot of questions to be asked etc. Only a small part of it is SM /smartphone related.

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot

Scarlet would have needed mental health support- there is none.

Good news is no one cares if you’re happy or not.

This is the most perplexing bit for me

In respect of the other child, the victim of the poisoning, was there a strategy discussion held about her being at risk, and if so what came of that, as in how was the risk lowered for the victim. Presumably it was lowered by the girl not being in contact with the victim anymore

Was the girl open to services, were elements of the family functioning or parenting of her raising cause for concern?

All of this will come out in the SCR but having worked with a lot of managed moves, often for violence or challenging behaviour, Im amazed that the new school didnt know the full details or werent given them. It doesnt make sense to me, but does it differ from LA to LA?

In any case, to be honest even if they had known of the full details, would they have been in a position to refuse the move? Would they have been in a position to change whether she was in the inclusion unit? Children are usually placed in those units within provisions because they cant manage the mainstream classes, theres no where else for them, sometimes they cant manage because of anxiety/SEMH (like Brianna) and sometimes because their behaviour is too challenging to manage in mainstream classes

I think she probably would have been in there with Brianna even if they did know about the full incident

There will have been other children in the unit just as vulnerable.

She will also have needed to want to engage and wanted to change, I cant see that being the case to be honest.

Notwithstanding that there probably wasnt anything on offer anyway even if she did.

Government inaction as regards child and under 25 mental health support, SEN, tech, vaping…. is failing our youngsters.

They are just completely inadequate.