To wholeheartedly agree with Brianna Ghey’s mother

[Moonpig82]

I spotted this article this morning. We personally do not allow Tik Tok, Insta, Facebook, Snapchat. For our eldest who has just got a phone when starting Year 7. However we have succumbed to whatsapp.

What are people’s thoughts? How can we ‘police’ our children’s phones?

Or AIBU and there is no policing for social media? I know my Year 7 child’s friends do have these apps. Not all of them though.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68193103

Oh jeese, another one.

😂😂😂

I've found it practically very difficult to limit phones as much as I'd like, because that seems to be the main means of communication now. Often other kids don't have house phones and texting is the only way they can be reached. Public phones are also uncommon.

That being said, I think that 30 years from now, the damage of social media and gaming on kids will be well known and people will think of giving kids access the same way we think of people letting them smoke in the past.

Robolox has absolutely zero safety measures and has repeatedly found sexualised content and adults targeting children for sexual reasons. It’s awful.

https://www.pcgamer.com/roblox-faces-class-action-suit-from-parents-about-sexual-content-and-grooming-it-is-illegal-to-expose-minors-to-these-kinds-of-things-and-its-not-slowing-down/

The complaint then gets on to children seeing "nude" avatars, "avatars engaging in intercourse, and use of sex toys, as well as virtual strip clubs." It says Roblox is "infamous for 'condo games'", a phrase describing Roblox experiences somehow designed to imply or simulate intercourse or sexual themes. The lawsuit quotes the Daily Mail describing one where "the basement was a torch-lit sex dungeon."

That's not what I was doing, but again if you want to view it that way go right on ahead.

When saying "you" I wasn't talking about specifically you, or anyone here on this thread, I was talking about the general "you".
Y'know the way in way in which one does when having a conversation?
Would it have been better if I'd used "one" or "we"?
As in, "You do your best and you get on with it". How is that lecturing or telling anyone what to do?

This'll be my last reply here, really cba with wilful misinterpretation for the sake of someone wanting to argue on a MN thread lol 😂.
I have said repeatedly no judgement, simply that I don't understand the need for specifically children to have their own smart devices. I have also asked question and had no answers given.
But take it as lecturing if you want, you'd rather have an argument than help me understand by answering my questions it seems, and that's fine if that's what tickles your pickle but I'm not going to take the bait I'm afraid, sorry.

*My life is very wholesome tyvm, I just vastly prefer Youtube to television and "shorts" (YT's version of TikToks) come up a lot as they're being pushed by YT's algorithm.

I don't "watch" these videos, the still thumbnail and titles are more than enough for me to work out what's being shown in the video without having to actually watch it.

Thanks for the criticism though, sorry my not enjoying television offends you so much I guess?*

I wonder if this is because you are younger than some of us on MN and have a shorter attention span.

Nonsense
I have 3 kids in time frame you are referring to.
They all have very healthy relationships with their phones and consoles. We put rules in place and they followed them - oh and on long journeys we played games and sang songs!!

The trouble with all this of course is that no k e can police this - responsible parents will be responsible but an awful lot dont give a damn what their kids are up too as long as they are quiet.

When my son was just turned 6 he decided to buy a Switch. He didn't tell anyone, just quietly made the decision and saved for nearly 2 years. He was too young for regular pocket money but every bit of birthday/Xmas money, every time a random relative or friend of the family gave him a coin or a fiver, he kept it. After about 18 months I'd figured out what he was doing and I had to decide what to do. I didn't want him to have a Switch but at the same time having a pretty small child save for that long, make sacrifices all along the way for a quarter of his life and then being prevented from reaching his goal would have a potentially awful effect on his long-term attitudes to money. When he'd saved enough for a Switch lite he told me and asked if he should keep saving for a proper one. He talked it through and decided to keep saving.

I recognise that he's an especially financially prudent child. But most 14-15 year olds can save less than half that for a phone.

@SpicyMoth

You seem to have hit a real nerve with some posters...

FWIW I think that you are absolutely entitled to an opinion, even if you don't have a teen of your own.
And a lot of your intentions (values?) probably won't change too much as your children age (despite what some may say)

My son had no tablet or internet access and limited TV time until around 8.

He's 10 now and never has unsupervised internet access and he won't be getting a smart phone as a teen.

10 years ago mumsnet the idea of keeping a teen without a phone was compared to child abuse by some!
Times are changing I hope

Except it does , and I have little sympathy for parents that spent $4000 on it or never supervised their kid's access or even attempted to implement those features then whinging what a horrible, terrible thing it is. Part of the lawsuit is that they spent money on it because they thought it was safe and it isn't. Of course it bloody isn't, it's the internet and the settings don't magically get set up by themselves.

I do have sympathy for the kids that have seen upsetting stuff or have fallen victims to predators or scammers.

Even nokia brick phone can be dangerous ffs. There used to be a thing where we'd message random numbers for shits and giggles. Some of my friends developed "relationships" from these pranks , even as far as trying to meet some of them. Same with the group chats and platforms and forums of old.

When I was at school I communicated at school with friends, or we might go to each others houses on occasion or go out together. I rarely even chatted on the phone with them as I was never much of a phone person, and guess what it was fine! I had plenty of friends and am perplexed at this apparent need for children to be constantly messaging each other every evening after school.

Can someone tell me what limits Google Family Link has for kids beyond 13?

Because I have a 12 yo, and at the moment I think it pretty much puts all the control into kids hands?

Again why this need for constant communication outside school? Organise meet ups if you want your children to hang out with other kids.

I think a lot of people here are too young to remember how it was before all this, before internet and phones

Usually most families had one phone, it was in the hallway or in the living room. So there was no private chit chat, your parents knew what you were discussing. There was also no hours on the phone because it was expensive.

@alittleprivacy what a super smart wee boy you have. He'll go far in life.

And your absolutely right kids could easily save birthday and Christmas money for a phone, esp once they are tweens getting beyond toy's and nobody knows what to buy them so they end up with loads of cash.

The kids are usually two steps ahead of their parents.

Teens normally organise their own meet ups via WhatsApp or some other platform.

They are kind of beyond mum sorting playdates or their social life.

Bingo!
This is what my kids had
Their Apple ID was linked to mine - also I was paying their bill so I had access to their phones as and when I saw fit! 2 boys 1 girls - never had an issue!
Do you know what though? The trouble is some parents just can't be bothered!

What age does Apple ID work up to?

Exactly!
This is what undid for all 3 of mine!

I wrote a huge post going down memory lane but I lost it. Stupid app.

Basically I remember, I did talk a lot on the phone. Then it was dial up. Then it was internet cafes . Then it was my own phone (at 18) , then it was internet at home and so on. I've seen it all , the evolution of it, the craze of certain things and then their death as they became obsolete.

I dont get what the regular inspection is suppost to yield. Lots of messaging apps delete messages very quickly -theres no history to see. I dont have tik tok but can you see what people have looked at?

Is it just checking they havent got the app since you last checked?

I think that's a great idea from Brianna's mum.

If the right research was done it would find that social media apps are as harmful to health as cigarettes and alcohol are, just in different ways. Maybe it will not ever be done because there is too much money at stake?

If the government did something like that and put a ban on under 16s having a full access smart phone it would be drastic, but at least all (or the vast majority of) kids would be in the same boat.

At the moment I have one kid with an iPhone with parental controls and one kid witg an android with Google family controls.... And I regularly check (but I know full well that messages get deleted, the conversations often don't flow right and it's blatantly obvious) But I still hear endlessly about how EVERYONE else in the universe can go on Snapchat, tictok, etc but they can't.

It's also quite difficult to start to slowly ease off with the restrictions as they get older.

I think being able to Google SAFE things, send messages/ring those who are in your contacts, and go on apps suitable for under 16s should be allowed on these "kids phones".

It would be a fantastic idea to get kids used to the technology but keep them safe. I'd be all for it. Hopefully something good can come out of this awful awful situation.

It doesn't really matter what happened in the past.

We are well and truly beyond the point when Elvis's gyrating hips weren't allowed to be broadcast on TV.

Time moves on and people need to move with it.

Humans don’t go backwards though. We just don’t. We need to find better ways to navigate what we have and improve. I don’t think just banning things is going to work.

back in the day dungeons and dragons got quite the reputation