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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Been up all night with sick kids and he has a shitty attitude because I asked for ' lie in '

262 replies

babyby · 03/02/2024 08:38

My kids have been ill all week. 4 and 2. I've also not been feeling great.

I work from home and managed to juggle for a couple of days somehow, but ultimately had to take a bit of time off.

Anyway they both have fevers so I have been up the last 3 nights at least, but sleep has been disrupted since Monday. The last three nights have been the hardest.

As H has work early in the morning and returns late at night, I've always done all the nights. He also usually gets to lie in at weekends while I take the kids down at 6-7 when they wake up.

He never ever offers or volunteers to come down. Some mornings he'll be upstairs until 10 am. His job is physical so I feel like he needs to rest.

In any case, last night was hell and this morning, they woke me up at the usual time as I was sleeping with them. I kept calling for my H to help me but he ignored it for a good half and hour.

Eventually he stormed in in a huff and I said, please take them off my hands, I'm so tired. He took them away in a mood.

Then he came in trying to find some trousers for my youngest and I said they're ' over there ' and he remarked ' oh this fucking mess '. At the drawer. It wasn't really messy tbh. But I haven't had time to put laundry away this week, so there's clean laundry in baskets. He got angry and stormed off and I told him that he's a joke.

He's downstairs now with the kids and I know he's angry about it. I said I'm really tired, why do you need to have such a shitty attitude when really you should be volunteering to take the kids off my hands for a bit. He knows how ill they've been and how unwell I've been, struggling alone to try and cover it all week ( whilst also trying to work and keep my bosses happy for some of the week ). He should be ashamed of himself really that he didn't even offer to do take them off my hands this morning with a smile on his face.

It's disgusting really but I know when I go down, we will end up in another fight and he will call me a whinger. He said all I do is whinge.

I don't want to end up in a fight but this behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. How do I get through to him ? Usually we would just end up fighting all day. No, usually what would happen is that I would absolutely lose my shit and he would just walk off and he won't engage with me. Which is actually even more frustrating. He'll call me a whinge and then he'll let me blow up and then he'll just walk off.

OP posts:
babyby · 03/02/2024 16:38

My children are not growing up in an abusive home. I'm not going to take that shit from anyone.

OP posts:
tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 16:39

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tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 16:39

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LusaBatoosa · 03/02/2024 16:40

babyby · 03/02/2024 16:32

@LusaBatoosa I do indeed. It was unkind and unnecessary.

It was neither of those things. I said my marriage (and good marriage, in general) isn’t hard, your husband treats you like garbage and that what you’ve described is an awful environment for kids.

All of those things are true and you need to hear them. The fact that you don’t like them doesn’t make them unkind.

If anyone’s comment was shitty, it was yours. You can also keep living your life thinking it will never be hard, but be prepared that it probably will. Sorry that my happy healthy marriage triggers you so much. 🙄

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 16:41

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Easipeelerie · 03/02/2024 16:41

Even if you did persuade him to be better (which you won’t be able to) you’d still know that his natural default is to leave the home skivvying to you and to become bad tempered if that arrangement is in anyway challenged.
You don’t want to be with someone like that long term. Your respect for him will be so low and by the time you’re both retired, he’ll look back through rose tinted glasses while you’ll be utterly disgusted with him.

babyby · 03/02/2024 16:43

@LusaBatoosa you've not triggered me. You live on another world that I just don't believe exists long term. But if that's your world then that's fine, for you.

Your reply was really shitty. I stand by that.

OP posts:
Bature · 03/02/2024 16:43

babyby · 03/02/2024 16:35

@Bature no I'm not. That's ridiculous.

I'm just being realistic. Talk to any couple that's been together for a long time and they'll tell you they've had hard times. I've literally never heard anyone say it's never hard.

I agree it’s ridiculous. And bitter and petty. So, stop doing it.

Multiple people on this thread have now said it to you. You’re just not engaging with it. And you have no idea how long we’ve been married.

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 16:44

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blackpanth · 03/02/2024 16:45

YANBU

babyby · 03/02/2024 16:45

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But they're not now are they. They're 2 and 4. It's been a really long time since we've actually fought like that anyway. It also doesn't involve shouting.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 03/02/2024 16:45

So is he doing night wake ups tonight and are you getting a lie in?

Your 2 DC will know that daddy doesn’t get up for them, that will be something they have already picked up and that he gets grumpy/angry if asked to look after them

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 16:46

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LusaBatoosa · 03/02/2024 16:46

babyby · 03/02/2024 16:43

@LusaBatoosa you've not triggered me. You live on another world that I just don't believe exists long term. But if that's your world then that's fine, for you.

Your reply was really shitty. I stand by that.

Yes, the world of non shitty marriages. It has been existing for me long term, and yes - I infinitely prefer it to what you’re describing. Definitely fine for me.

You can stand by whatever you like. Doesn’t make it true.

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 16:47

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Bature · 03/02/2024 16:47

babyby · 03/02/2024 16:38

My children are not growing up in an abusive home. I'm not going to take that shit from anyone.

I'm not going to take that shit from anyone.

Except your DH, apparently. Him you’ll take all the shit from, make excuses and hope for the best.

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 16:48

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Easipeelerie · 03/02/2024 16:50

You keep talking about typical marriages being hard. But what you’re describing isn’t an equal situation so it’s not equally hard for you both.
It’s hard for you because you do everything. It’s easier for him because things happen on his terms.
When it gets marginally hard for him, he kicks off.
You're not describing a marriage being hard, you’re describing a man child and a woman who takes up all the slack.

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 16:53

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babyby · 03/02/2024 16:58

@tocontinue1 no she didn't. She had already left and was in her room. The kids were loitering around in her room. You seem to be hell bent on proving how horrible the environment my children live in is ? Why ?

Yes their dad can be grumpy but not with them. I just wish he was a bit more upbeat towards me when we are out and about and also in general.

I'm not saying our marriage is perfect but we provide a safe home for our kids. It's not abusive and you seem to be hellbent on trying to prove they're living in a horrible environment because we don't always see eye to eye.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 03/02/2024 17:04

@babyby you said he took the DC away in a mood. They will pick that up

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 17:05

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doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 17:06

babyby · 03/02/2024 16:58

@tocontinue1 no she didn't. She had already left and was in her room. The kids were loitering around in her room. You seem to be hell bent on proving how horrible the environment my children live in is ? Why ?

Yes their dad can be grumpy but not with them. I just wish he was a bit more upbeat towards me when we are out and about and also in general.

I'm not saying our marriage is perfect but we provide a safe home for our kids. It's not abusive and you seem to be hellbent on trying to prove they're living in a horrible environment because we don't always see eye to eye.

I don't want to end up in a fight but this behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. How do I get through to him ? Usually we would just end up fighting all day. No, usually what would happen is that I would absolutely lose my shit and he would just walk off and he won't engage with me. Which is actually even more frustrating. He'll call me a whinge and then he'll let me blow up and then he'll just walk off.

Your own words, particularly the usually we end up fighting all day, the children have to put up with that? Toxic!

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 17:07

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tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 17:08

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