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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Been up all night with sick kids and he has a shitty attitude because I asked for ' lie in '

262 replies

babyby · 03/02/2024 08:38

My kids have been ill all week. 4 and 2. I've also not been feeling great.

I work from home and managed to juggle for a couple of days somehow, but ultimately had to take a bit of time off.

Anyway they both have fevers so I have been up the last 3 nights at least, but sleep has been disrupted since Monday. The last three nights have been the hardest.

As H has work early in the morning and returns late at night, I've always done all the nights. He also usually gets to lie in at weekends while I take the kids down at 6-7 when they wake up.

He never ever offers or volunteers to come down. Some mornings he'll be upstairs until 10 am. His job is physical so I feel like he needs to rest.

In any case, last night was hell and this morning, they woke me up at the usual time as I was sleeping with them. I kept calling for my H to help me but he ignored it for a good half and hour.

Eventually he stormed in in a huff and I said, please take them off my hands, I'm so tired. He took them away in a mood.

Then he came in trying to find some trousers for my youngest and I said they're ' over there ' and he remarked ' oh this fucking mess '. At the drawer. It wasn't really messy tbh. But I haven't had time to put laundry away this week, so there's clean laundry in baskets. He got angry and stormed off and I told him that he's a joke.

He's downstairs now with the kids and I know he's angry about it. I said I'm really tired, why do you need to have such a shitty attitude when really you should be volunteering to take the kids off my hands for a bit. He knows how ill they've been and how unwell I've been, struggling alone to try and cover it all week ( whilst also trying to work and keep my bosses happy for some of the week ). He should be ashamed of himself really that he didn't even offer to do take them off my hands this morning with a smile on his face.

It's disgusting really but I know when I go down, we will end up in another fight and he will call me a whinger. He said all I do is whinge.

I don't want to end up in a fight but this behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. How do I get through to him ? Usually we would just end up fighting all day. No, usually what would happen is that I would absolutely lose my shit and he would just walk off and he won't engage with me. Which is actually even more frustrating. He'll call me a whinge and then he'll let me blow up and then he'll just walk off.

OP posts:
tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 17:10

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doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 17:10

babyby · 03/02/2024 16:38

My children are not growing up in an abusive home. I'm not going to take that shit from anyone.

Apart from your husband?

pootlin · 03/02/2024 17:13

babyby · 03/02/2024 16:58

@tocontinue1 no she didn't. She had already left and was in her room. The kids were loitering around in her room. You seem to be hell bent on proving how horrible the environment my children live in is ? Why ?

Yes their dad can be grumpy but not with them. I just wish he was a bit more upbeat towards me when we are out and about and also in general.

I'm not saying our marriage is perfect but we provide a safe home for our kids. It's not abusive and you seem to be hellbent on trying to prove they're living in a horrible environment because we don't always see eye to eye.

Genuine question, why did you even post this thread?

This is another case of ‘he may be a bastard, but he’s MY bastard’.

doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 17:13

babyby · 03/02/2024 16:23

@doilooklikeicare well yeah when they're older they'll understand and I will absolutely stand up for myself, like I do now

You won't and you don't!

babyby · 03/02/2024 17:16

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Yeah I don't like that you're bringing my kids into it and insinuating I'm not trying my best to keep them safe and happy. I don't like it. I don't take it lightly. Say what you will about my husband, but when you start insinuating that I'm causing my kids to suffer - that's where I draw the line and I will stand up for myself at that point.

I'm a good mum and I give my kids EVERYTHING. It really hurts me that you're insinuating they're growing up in this awful home because of me. It's not an awful home. It's not a perfect home but it's not awful. You don't know what awful even means if that's what you say about what I've written here. Also this is one snap shot into our lives. It's not our constant. You know nothing positive about our lives. It hurts me and I don't need this shit today.

OP posts:
mponder · 03/02/2024 17:17

God someone comes on here for help and you make them feel shit about themselves!!!

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 17:17

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tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 17:18

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doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 17:18

mponder · 03/02/2024 17:17

God someone comes on here for help and you make them feel shit about themselves!!!

She was given help, she didn't like it.

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 17:19

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babyby · 03/02/2024 17:20

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Why can't you stop ? I literally feel like you're harassing me right now. You're really upsetting me.

OP posts:
babyby · 03/02/2024 17:21

mponder · 03/02/2024 17:17

God someone comes on here for help and you make them feel shit about themselves!!!

I've had enough for today.

OP posts:
Wishihadanalgorithm · 03/02/2024 17:21

I would ask him how he feels going 50:50 with the kids. I’d be explaining that you’ll be leaving him and sharing the kids with him 50:50 so he’d better get used to stepping up. Or, he could take an active role in the family and pick up his share of the grunt work now.

I would not put up with this.

doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 17:24

@babyby if you're upset, stop posting?

You literally said in your OP you would end up in another's fight, ie it happens a lot etc? Which is toxic for your children, now you're angry that people are accusing you of it?

tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 17:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

babyby · 03/02/2024 17:24

doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 17:24

@babyby if you're upset, stop posting?

You literally said in your OP you would end up in another's fight, ie it happens a lot etc? Which is toxic for your children, now you're angry that people are accusing you of it?

Why don't you stop ? Does this make you feel good ?

OP posts:
tocontinue1 · 03/02/2024 17:26

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 17:26

@babyby I'm not the one with the issue posting for advice.......

You are.

Although I understand what you say about losing your shit........ it's evident! !

Bature · 03/02/2024 17:27

babyby · 03/02/2024 17:20

Why can't you stop ? I literally feel like you're harassing me right now. You're really upsetting me.

She’s giving you honest and helpful advice. You just don’t want it. Nobody is harassing you. Take a breath and actually listen what people are saying. It may be hard to hear, but it’s not malicious or unkind.

babyby · 03/02/2024 17:28

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I'm just done with it today. Don't insult my mothering capabilities - don't come after my kids. I'm just done with it and I'm going to stand up for myself on that. I will fight that I do my best for my kids until my grave.

OP posts:
babyby · 03/02/2024 17:30

I'm not taking that I'm not providing my kids with a nice home environment. I just don't accept that. Sorry.

OP posts:
Bananasandtoast · 03/02/2024 17:30

OP: "here's a list of the ways my husband has been a dick to me"
MN: "gosh, yes he does sound like a dick, how awful for you and your DC"
OP: "he's not a dick all the time, how could you say that, now you've hurt my feelings"
MN: .....?

I'd ask for the thread to be deleted OP. People are going to take you at the word of your first post.

babyby · 03/02/2024 17:33

Bananasandtoast · 03/02/2024 17:30

OP: "here's a list of the ways my husband has been a dick to me"
MN: "gosh, yes he does sound like a dick, how awful for you and your DC"
OP: "he's not a dick all the time, how could you say that, now you've hurt my feelings"
MN: .....?

I'd ask for the thread to be deleted OP. People are going to take you at the word of your first post.

I don't care if you call him a dick.

I only care about my mothering being questioned here.

Call him a dick all you want.

OP posts:
LusaBatoosa · 03/02/2024 17:33

babyby · 03/02/2024 17:28

I'm just done with it today. Don't insult my mothering capabilities - don't come after my kids. I'm just done with it and I'm going to stand up for myself on that. I will fight that I do my best for my kids until my grave.

Oh, for goodness sake. This response is insane. Nobody is ‘coming after’ your kids. What is wrong with you?

How about you stand up for yourself and do your best for your kids in real life, by facing up to and dealing with your toxic home situation. That will be considerably more beneficial to them than ranting at posters on MN (who are offering opinions and advice that you asked for, based on information that you provided). You’re directing your ire in the wrong direction, possibly because it’s easier.

babyby · 03/02/2024 17:35

@LusaBatoosa but I do stand up for myself with my husband !!!

OP posts: