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Been up all night with sick kids and he has a shitty attitude because I asked for ' lie in '

262 replies

babyby · 03/02/2024 08:38

My kids have been ill all week. 4 and 2. I've also not been feeling great.

I work from home and managed to juggle for a couple of days somehow, but ultimately had to take a bit of time off.

Anyway they both have fevers so I have been up the last 3 nights at least, but sleep has been disrupted since Monday. The last three nights have been the hardest.

As H has work early in the morning and returns late at night, I've always done all the nights. He also usually gets to lie in at weekends while I take the kids down at 6-7 when they wake up.

He never ever offers or volunteers to come down. Some mornings he'll be upstairs until 10 am. His job is physical so I feel like he needs to rest.

In any case, last night was hell and this morning, they woke me up at the usual time as I was sleeping with them. I kept calling for my H to help me but he ignored it for a good half and hour.

Eventually he stormed in in a huff and I said, please take them off my hands, I'm so tired. He took them away in a mood.

Then he came in trying to find some trousers for my youngest and I said they're ' over there ' and he remarked ' oh this fucking mess '. At the drawer. It wasn't really messy tbh. But I haven't had time to put laundry away this week, so there's clean laundry in baskets. He got angry and stormed off and I told him that he's a joke.

He's downstairs now with the kids and I know he's angry about it. I said I'm really tired, why do you need to have such a shitty attitude when really you should be volunteering to take the kids off my hands for a bit. He knows how ill they've been and how unwell I've been, struggling alone to try and cover it all week ( whilst also trying to work and keep my bosses happy for some of the week ). He should be ashamed of himself really that he didn't even offer to do take them off my hands this morning with a smile on his face.

It's disgusting really but I know when I go down, we will end up in another fight and he will call me a whinger. He said all I do is whinge.

I don't want to end up in a fight but this behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. How do I get through to him ? Usually we would just end up fighting all day. No, usually what would happen is that I would absolutely lose my shit and he would just walk off and he won't engage with me. Which is actually even more frustrating. He'll call me a whinge and then he'll let me blow up and then he'll just walk off.

OP posts:
pineapplesundae · 04/02/2024 21:08

Have a sit down with him and tell him that his vacation is over, that he has to pull more weight in the home. If he gets to sleep in on Saturday, you sleep in on Sunday. You divide the chores fairly. He can scrub the bathroom s, do laundry, and vacuum, for example. Stop killing yourself.

babyby · 04/02/2024 21:28

Good point @Gymsharking

I've been pretty fed up all weekend. Sort of trying to talk about stuff too. He's just ignored me.

He grey rocks me when I try to talk about stuff.

OP posts:
Lollipop81 · 04/02/2024 21:33

In which case you have already lost. Why can’t you see you both entitled to one lie in each!

Gymsharking · 04/02/2024 22:03

And did you say he goes out at the weekend and that is when he used to berate you about his clothes in the past? Is he still going out weekends?

So, he is not too tired to go out on the weekend but he’s definitely too tired to get up with HIS children. Understood.

I’m getting agitated just hearing about this, no wonder you have not felt good this weekend. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re sick due to seething ongoing resentment.

Do you get to go out and socialise and get dressed and have a nice time and a break?

What did your life look like before you met him?

pineapplesundae · 04/02/2024 22:13

Sounds like you’re both stretched thin and could use some help. Maybe time to hire someone to help with keeping the house clean and maybe even the yard work.

sandyhappypeople · 04/02/2024 22:27

babyby · 04/02/2024 20:54

@sandyhappypeople he is

well then in that case, surely he was an easier time being flexible for the kids than you? Part of being self employed is being able to manage your own schedule and workload, it can depend on what he does, which I'm wondering about now as you say he has a long commute, but surely there's flexibility in his job?

Are you sure you're not the default parent because he just expects you to be the default parent because you're at home, and that's the role you've fell into?

It sounds to me like one of these cases where he thinks 'well she's at home all day, she should do it' in regards to pretty much everything from the sounds of it, but in your case you're working from home?

Lyracappul · 04/02/2024 22:58

Can you get help in and a morning off? I have baskets of clean laundry here in my bedroom too, and co parenting when the other has a stressful long hours job is tricky.. if you’re exhausted, maybe consider getting help so you can sleep or rest for a morning.. weekends are so short.. it gets easier as they grow..

Lapun · 05/02/2024 03:47

I just loathe the way some if you post answers suggesting that this OP has an awful husband and almost telling her to separate. If you marry and have children you will find lots of ups and downs that you sort out. I sometimes wonder why some of you,marry and have children. The early years are tough. The OP wanted a lie in but her husband was ungracious about it. She was having a rant but some of you turned it into an unnecessary drama. I was married for over 50:years until my husband died so I do not lack experience. I am sorry OP at how some posters wrote such nasty posts. Hope the children feel better and life goes into normality. Maybe you need to have a quiet talk with husband and tell him how you felt he could have been kinder.

Gymsharking · 05/02/2024 03:56

Lapun · 05/02/2024 03:47

I just loathe the way some if you post answers suggesting that this OP has an awful husband and almost telling her to separate. If you marry and have children you will find lots of ups and downs that you sort out. I sometimes wonder why some of you,marry and have children. The early years are tough. The OP wanted a lie in but her husband was ungracious about it. She was having a rant but some of you turned it into an unnecessary drama. I was married for over 50:years until my husband died so I do not lack experience. I am sorry OP at how some posters wrote such nasty posts. Hope the children feel better and life goes into normality. Maybe you need to have a quiet talk with husband and tell him how you felt he could have been kinder.

I’m sorry that this sort of behaviour from OPs husband is familiar to you.

Did you miss the post where OP very kindly told him how she felt while she saw to the house and let him rest. His only answer was: “I’m sorry you feel that way”, and then apparently continued grey rocking her, as usual.

What do you propose we say? Tell her it’s fine and carry on even though OP is falling apart?

Bananasandtoast · 05/02/2024 05:47

I loathe how some posts excuse a lack of care and compassion from one spouse to the other as part of the normal ups and downs of marriage.
I've been married less than five years and in that time we have had 3 babies, one stillborn after whose birth I almost died and was unwell for months, both of us were made redundant during COVID, other child landed in ICU and diagnosed with a lifelong medical condition requiring round the clock monitoring, death of a parent, murder of a friend, plus all the normal run of the mill hard times like the vomiting bugs going through the family, the chaos of having work done on the house, new jobs and the ups and downs of those, and managing the normal day to day running of the show isn't easy either.
He's not perfect and neither am I. But we have loved each other through it all.
Just deciding you don't give a fuck how your wife feels or that she's struggling is not a "hard time in a marriage".

doilooklikeicare · 05/02/2024 05:57

Lapun · 05/02/2024 03:47

I just loathe the way some if you post answers suggesting that this OP has an awful husband and almost telling her to separate. If you marry and have children you will find lots of ups and downs that you sort out. I sometimes wonder why some of you,marry and have children. The early years are tough. The OP wanted a lie in but her husband was ungracious about it. She was having a rant but some of you turned it into an unnecessary drama. I was married for over 50:years until my husband died so I do not lack experience. I am sorry OP at how some posters wrote such nasty posts. Hope the children feel better and life goes into normality. Maybe you need to have a quiet talk with husband and tell him how you felt he could have been kinder.

The OP has got an awful husband, if you think this is normal and acceptable behaviour you are wrong. If you accepted this type of behaviour for over 50 years, that was your choice.

I've been married for 37 years, so also have lots of experience.

You may well have been from my DMs era, where you stayed together whatever, miserable, unhappy etc, the children hearing all the rows and unhappiness.

I wouldn't do that and i wouldn't want my children to do it.

So, yes when people are as unhappy as OP is, I'd encourage them to consider the relationship is not what they should put up with and leave.

This is not about a one off lie in and being ungracious at all.

I loathe the way sone people think staying in an unhappy marriage is a good idea for anyone.

WhichIsItWendy · 05/02/2024 06:19

LusaBatoosa · 03/02/2024 16:30

I’ve been married for quite a while and it’s yet to be hard. Even if these surprise hardships suddenly arose and were dealt with, they would very much be the exception in my marriage. So, no, marriage is not hard.

Again, trotting out trite nonsense like that comment is what people in shit relationships do to make themselves feel better about not dealing with - and improving - their realities.

What a load of crap you talk.

tocontinue1 · 05/02/2024 06:35

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

tocontinue1 · 05/02/2024 06:39

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doilooklikeicare · 05/02/2024 06:42

This reply has been deleted

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What's more peculiar is that @LusaBatoosa in a previous thread said being sworn at would be a deal breaker, yet here we are now saying it's fine 🤷!

Bananasandtoast · 05/02/2024 08:04

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I think you'll find that I said we have been married for less than 5 years.
I didn't mention how long we have been together.
Hope this helps your detective work 🕵️‍♀️😂

tocontinue1 · 05/02/2024 09:44

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Bananasandtoast · 05/02/2024 10:21

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If it's so odd then why do you think it's true?
Never mind, I'll leave you fondly imagining how clever you are as there's no point arguing with you.
Not in a position to argue anyway as I haven't the foggiest who this other poster is or why you think we are the same person beyond the somewhat flimsy "evidence" of me getting married the same year the other poster met their partner 🤷🏻‍♀️

tocontinue1 · 05/02/2024 10:27

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Bananasandtoast · 05/02/2024 10:35

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Oh you are a genius.
I used the word "loathe" deliberately to echo that posters phrasing as I totally disagree with her.
But if we are the only people on MN who got married in 2019 then good for you for sniffing us out I suppose? 🙄

tocontinue1 · 05/02/2024 10:48

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LusaBatoosa · 05/02/2024 10:56

doilooklikeicare · 05/02/2024 06:42

What's more peculiar is that @LusaBatoosa in a previous thread said being sworn at would be a deal breaker, yet here we are now saying it's fine 🤷!

Where have I said it’s fine to be sworn at? Quote me, please. As I’m quite certain I said no such thing.

LusaBatoosa · 05/02/2024 11:01

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Are you mixing me up with @Lapun ?! As @Bananasandtoast and I sound nothing alike. I’ve actually spent most of this thread agreeing with you!

Bananasandtoast · 05/02/2024 11:06

I think she's just mixed-up full stop
@LusaBatoosa

LusaBatoosa · 05/02/2024 11:11

doilooklikeicare · 05/02/2024 06:42

What's more peculiar is that @LusaBatoosa in a previous thread said being sworn at would be a deal breaker, yet here we are now saying it's fine 🤷!

Have you confused me with @Lapun , as well?! How is this happening? Our usernames aren’t even that similar!

Feeling quite hard done by, now. 🤣