Should godparents pay for a child's upkeep?

[pureshoresss]

Will try and keep this brief for fear of not making sense!

I have been asked to be a Godmother by a friend of mine. I was delighted and honoured. The child isn't a baby, but 3 years old. (4 soon). I was asked when the boy was 2 years old. In fact, the other Godparent was asked around the same time too.

My friend is a single mother. The father pays child maintenance, but it is not enforced and therefore sporadic.

But almost every time we speak she says things like:

"Oh, DS would love a new toy car!" (One of those ones that a child can sit and 'drive').

"DS has been asking for a bigger house!"

"DS keeps asking why we are poor!" (They aren't).

"Looks like the private school I had my heart set on for DS isn't going to happen..."

"I can't afford holidays for DS! He wants to go to Hawaii and Florida!"

"I keep telling DS that we can't get a bigger house and it makes him sad! He said all his friends have nice houses!"

"If I were you, I'd sell the Co and buy a nice house outright or help family/friends.... that's what I would do!"

All of the things are only on a materialistic scale. Most conversations are about money/money struggles. Yes, I have offered ideas/help as well as take them out often etc...

I do not have children, but does a 4 year old really ask questions such as the above? Are they aware of money (as a concept) or 'circumstances'?

I don't want to see my friend suffer and whilst I am financially better off, I am not rolling in it! At all! Yes; single parents DO have it tough, I am of course, aware of that. I do not live a flashy lifestyle, I do not spend unnecessarily, but I suppose it is also a 'privilege' to not be in any debt or have any CC balances. If anything, a lot of my money went towards private hospice care for when my mother passed.

These request to be Godmother coincided with me coming into a fair amount of money, but also off the back of going IPO etc... The other Godparent is enormously wealthy. I am not. Company money is still company money and the other money will be going towards my home.

The (other Godparent) lives in France though and my friend and I reside in the UK.

AIBU to think this is odd and a bit awkward? I am a giving person by nature (and by culture too) and I feel like I am meant to offer to pay for the child's upkeep. To be clear, I do give gifts and pay for all outings etc... but I feel bad still. Are Godparents meant to cover the costs of child raising too? Or certainly offer?

I wonder who she has suckered into paying for the botox, eye fillers and expensive restaurants.

Maybe the French godfather in waiting has been paying?

Nope. She's a cheeky fucker

She's a cheeky fucker.

Surely she should be prioritising housing and her own security over a private education which may or may not give rewards?

Stear clear.

I'm sat here shaking my head in disbelief at your update OP,that woman has got the cheek of the devil!,how can anybody be this brazen?,or treat a friend like that?.I'd definetly go low/no contact with her from now on,she's no friend of yours and only wants you for what she thinks she can get out of you.
The phrase CF was invented for her,what a money grabbing cow!!

@Outthedoor24 I think she wants everything she envisioned... and in short... she wants all her problems solved.

There's nothing wrong with wanting such things, of course. We all want holidays, nice houses etc... But I think she thought: 'Oh! person X will take care of that!'

As for housing, she's renting, but wants to own. But again, that's not something that most people can solve overnight - or 'delegate' to someone else.

@HalliwellManor I only learned what a 'CF' meant from this thread! Never heard of it before! 😂

🤣🤣
You've definetly got first hand experience of one now!😆

OP - I had a friend who while not as brazen as yours, was constantly pleading poverty and we’ve had several nights out where she’s ‘forgotten’ her purse and has to be continually chased to pay the money back she borrowed for drinks etc. I’m sure she was thinking oh it’s only £20 they’ll forget.

Yet despite being too skint to buy a drink, she drives a (leased) 73 reg BMW, has regular botox and lip filers and on last 2:3 years she’s had a boob job, liposuction and a facelift.

Last time I saw her she nursed one drink for 2 hours then a couple of older men she seemed to know arrived and started buying her drinks.

These people know exactly what they’re doing. Once they know we’re not their cashpoint, they fade out.

OP I'm sorry but she really really isn't your friend.

She doesn't care a whit about you. She has latched on to you to get £££££ from you to buy a lifestyle She doesn't want to work for.

I know you love her child but I think you would be wise to break off all contact with her. She has no shame and will bully you relentlessly to get what she wants.

Katie Price is your friend, yes?

😂😂😂

Absolutely not, that his her the parents job.

However, over and above spiritual guidance, if the parents were to die unexpectedly then I think there often is an expectation that by accepting to be godparents one of you you would look after your Godchild whatever it cost rather than let them go into care. And it's assumed that would reflect the parents wishes on who they thought was suitable. I think that's why a sister/brother is often a godparent.

Just read your update OP - OMG 😳

She's a major CF looking for you to give HER the lifestyle she doesn't get from her XDP. Who is paying for her botox, fillers and fancy restaurants three times a week?

She needs to get a better paying job rather than trying to sucker you!

I bet the godparent offer will vanish once she finds a new target!

Just caught up on this thread and I think you need to just cut her out of your life.

Alternatively, tell her that you categorically will not be giving her or her child any money or financial contributions of any type, now or ever. See how long it takes her to drop you. My guess is instantly, because that's all she wants from you and if she can't get it then she will move on to finding the next potential victim.

If she needs more money and a bigger house then she chases the father of the child to provide more. Godparent role has absolutely nothing to do with financial support.

Nothing.

"I found a house he'd love.... But can't afford it" well then you didn't find a house! Go find a different one 🤷🏻‍♀️

She doesn't want a Godmother for her son, she wants a Fairy Godmother for her son. You might remind her that even in Cinderella, the magic only lasts until midnight and then Cinders has to go back to the hard slog. There are no quick fixes in life.

If I were you, I'd do a bit of social media scouring myself and build up a nice bit of info on this CFers habits and posts and lifestyle (just in case she decided to land something on you, you have info of your own on her).

Having read your updates @pureshoresss , I really do think you need to pull back as she is clearly seeing dollar signs when she looks in your direction. I'd also consider, if you have the means to do so, letting the other potential God parent know that this is what has been going on since you were originally asked. If they want to continue in the role that is up to them but you've let them know that the CFer is only after the ££££ and not after the spiritual guidance that you could provide.

Best of luck to you with it all.

Unfortunately, the update isn't a good one, but I was ok with that and almost expecting it.

As per my recent posts, it turned out she was expecting 'a hand' with school fees - and as it later turned out, housing too. The godmother role has taken a back seat and I have since declined anyway. It came as a surprise to her, but I think the reason why was because she'd likely long forgotten it. I think she saw it as an honorary role rather than something that I see as quite important. I don't have children and was delighted to be asked, but it turned out it was more in the hope of me financially supporting her child - and her.

I don't know much about CMS, but from what I gather, they are apparently quite crap at chasing non-paying fathers down, so I was almost seen as a surrogate parent in her eyes. But even if the father paid a full CMS arrangement, what she's asking of me is far more than the father could ever provide anyway.

Safe to say the friendship has been soiled.

@LookItsMeAgain as well as so many others had it right. "There are no quick fixes in life."

@pureshoresss that's sad. Sorry it turned out that way

Also, any other support I've offered wasn't the 'right' kind of support in her eyes. Helping with practical ideas or suggesting she go back to FT work sooner than planned didn't go down well. Many other suggestions went ignored or unheeded.

She just wanted things/solutions - now and now - and wanted me to pay for it all.

It's sad for you and the little one.

I'm glad it's resolved OP. I do wonder though where she got the mad idea that a godmother's function is to keep her in the style to which she would like to become accustomed. Does she know someone with a rich indulgent godparent who showers their godchild with largesse?

Op did she give any kind of explanation as to why she thought you would be amenable to this? I mean if she forgot the godmother role I’m really not sure in what capacity she thought you would be expected to foot bills. I’m just curious as to how she explained her expectations to you?

I think your ' friend ' read too many fairy tales when she was young :)

and she definitely confused ' godparent ' with ' benefactor '

I think we knew which way this friendship was going to go, she will be out there dating asap as she will be looking for a sugar daddy / mug !

I am sorry as you have lost what you thought was a friendship, and it probably was once upon a time.

Money can make some people so greedy.

@Calliopespa Without giving too much info away, she thought the schooling would be paid for given that I'm quite 'generous' in the field of academia.

RE: housing. I think she just thought I should pay for that based on any 'windfall' alone. Certainly since some corporate things became public.

Parasite par extraordinaire!

I think you are better off out of this friendship.