Ahh gutted, why is it always the way :(

[Pizzaholic33]

So I've got a male friend from work, we've hung out once before, we've hung out again this evening and spent 4 hours together, I felt a lot more relaxed as I'd had some alcohol, which I don't usually have.
He talks to me at work loads, the 4 hours literally flew by, it was really interesting, deep conversation and we also had a laugh.
He told me he's been single for 7 years.
He told me I'm basically the only woman at work he talks to/sees out of work.
He seems up for meeting again.
Yesterday online our conversation did get slightly flirty. I wasn't initially sure I fancied him but I honestly really do now.
I guess he doesn't feel the same, he hasn't made any moves but neither have I.
We literally have everything in common, we've both said it.
It might be because we work together, but it's a massive organisation and we don't work in the same department, we're rarely in on the same day.
He's applying for other jobs to leave soon.
I've got his number but I won't text him or anything.
He's the one who messages me on Teams like every day and it did get slightly flirty online yesterday.
We've only met up twice, we've not even hugged or anything but I think it's never going to happen :(
I think it's too late now :( don't even know what I'm looking for, just support, I'm slightly drunk.

Thanks, you're right I really need to do that, ultimately he is not good enough.

Just tell him what you would like to happen next and whatever happens, happens

Some people laughed at me when I was saying I am going to date online and put on there that I would like to get married ASAP. I met the man immediately and told him on day 1, I only date to get married and start a family because age was going up. This is the man I married.

You shouldn't have to do anything. He is the one in the wrong not you.

Thanks everyone, I will swallow my pride. I went off my antidepressants for a while but started back on them today so maybe that will help things. I just need to get over the embarrassment even though I've done nothing wrong.. it's been a good 5 years since I went through something like this so I've probably forgotten how it feels. I'll be ok.

My workmate is dating a guy in our office from another team, it upsets me a bit now seeing them around together, I know that sounds pathetic.

I think it is just further embarrassment for you because you are thinking it's ok for them why not me? But they are HIS issues, not yours. Dwelling on this and what went wrong etc is not going to help the situation.

Exactly. If he genuinely, genuinely doesn't want to date people at work then I do fully understand and respect that, I just know it's BS but I'm hopeful in a few days I'll feel better.

There might be shreds of truth in that but for most people if they really liked someone I don't think they'd let that stop them. He sounds very self-involved. You know where his priorities lie. Let him fill his boots lol.

Yep.. like it's a massive office, we work on the same floor but we are not in on the same days and we are in different teams, plus it's a massive floor. I saw through it tbh. He was insisting oh it's really not personal I've just had a few bad experiences in the past so I avoid it now altogether. It's just a very convenient excuse and I think I'm actually more hurt hearing that than simply I'm not into you as more than a friend.

Really hope I meet someone better soon.

It's very odd. Who can fathom the workings of the male mind? I do think he is thoughtless and self-involved though. Having four hour conversations, most people would have the awareness and integrity/empathy of how that would appear to the other person. I'm presuming he is ok of course at reading social cues and is not neurodiverse?

You know this does not make any sense don’t you? Showing interest did not put him off you and being cold and rude does not generally lead to people falling for someone. He didn’t see you in a romantic way, that is all there is to it and yes I think he is using the work thing just as a way to avoid a more uncomfortable conversation.

He must've been fond enough of me as a person as I say he talked to me every day and was happy to spend hours alone. I think he found me attractive too. I will stop analysing soon it just takes time.

Yep, I deffo knew it was an excuse but to avoid the sake of awkwardness I completely went along with it. I barely see him in the office, the average I see him is once a week and we're not even in the same department so..
I will stop analysing soon I hope.

Yeah. Be kind to yourself. Do what makes you happy. Treat yourself to your favourite things x

I second that (@Hiddenvoice's post @ 09:59). Please explore why you feel lonely, and why you need a romantic relationship to (temporarily) fix that. You really sound like you could do with some therapy on how you generally deal with relationships, and explore how it relates to your level of confidence. Maybe, when you're feeling less vulnerable in, say, 6 months from now, you could try some online dating without the intention of having a relationship. You sound young - be a bit more carefree!

I mainly suggested that because he initially asked for my number and as well on teams he wanted to text me at the weekends and just seemed very keen on talking, then literally as soon as I showed I could've been interested in more he changed his energy.
So either it was some sort of game or he never had intentions of dating me from day 1 and I mistook all his messaging as something more.

You'll have been prescribed antidepressants for a reason. Was this before or after you broke up? Did you stop taking them after discussing it with a medical person? It's better to have therapy and antidepressants, not just the pills on their own.

And re "Really hope I meet someone better soon." - please don't. You're not in the right headspace. Look after yourself first.

Please OP stop thinking and analysing this, over and over again.

Draw a line under it and forget about it. It's unimportant. You aren't right for one another. And that isn't your fault or his fault. It's just how things are.

Going over the same things is just hurtful and pointless.

It was before my break up for other reasons, I just don't know how I got it so wrong about this guy. It sounds pathetic but I'm not used to men going out of their way to talk to me all the time and see me but with no interest. I am friendly with other guys at work but I can see they don't go out of their way to talk to me or see me alone even if they like me as a person, and if we hang out it's just as a group, it's much more blasé than this man was.

I know, I will forget it soon, I just need a couple of days. I don't know why I just wish he hadn't given me the work excuse but that's up to him

I do have other friends in the office but he was the person I talked to the most there, and even he said I'm pretty much the only one there he sees out of work. Like there are 2 men there he talks to a lot but he said he probably wouldn't see them out of the office.

What are you plans for this weekend OP? Please go meet up with some friends and do some hobbies. You need distractions! I think chatting about this with your friends will help you realise you need to move on. They'll probably tell you about shit men they've come across and you can all have a laugh!

I will deffo move on as I always do and I always actually look back and think eww what did I see in him, I think it's because I've lost all the conversation with him but maybe we'll be friends in the future. I will deffo move on it just needs time.

He is not your friend! He was never your friend! GO OUT WITH YOUR REAL FRIENDS!