Ahh gutted, why is it always the way :(

[Pizzaholic33]

So I've got a male friend from work, we've hung out once before, we've hung out again this evening and spent 4 hours together, I felt a lot more relaxed as I'd had some alcohol, which I don't usually have.
He talks to me at work loads, the 4 hours literally flew by, it was really interesting, deep conversation and we also had a laugh.
He told me he's been single for 7 years.
He told me I'm basically the only woman at work he talks to/sees out of work.
He seems up for meeting again.
Yesterday online our conversation did get slightly flirty. I wasn't initially sure I fancied him but I honestly really do now.
I guess he doesn't feel the same, he hasn't made any moves but neither have I.
We literally have everything in common, we've both said it.
It might be because we work together, but it's a massive organisation and we don't work in the same department, we're rarely in on the same day.
He's applying for other jobs to leave soon.
I've got his number but I won't text him or anything.
He's the one who messages me on Teams like every day and it did get slightly flirty online yesterday.
We've only met up twice, we've not even hugged or anything but I think it's never going to happen :(
I think it's too late now :( don't even know what I'm looking for, just support, I'm slightly drunk.

I know it’s hard but you’re really over thinking this. You have some feelings which is okay to have. You’re now convincing yourself that his behaviour is all over the place and it’s negative.
The only way to know for sure is to chat to him, ask if he would like to get dinner one night. When he messages personal chat over teams then say I’ve text you and try have the conversation over the phone/ text.
If your company is okay with work relationships then don’t wait until he leaves to ask him for dinner. If he says no then least you had the confidence to ask him and just carry on the friendship as best as you can!

I think I misunderstood him asking me to a bar one to one unfortunately. As it happens sometimes other colleagues of ours were going out the same evening and I did suggest we should join them, but he didn't really want to and suggested he was a bit shy.

You’re overthinking everything, he mayike
hanging out and talking to you as a friend, he might be using you as an ego boost or he might actually like you and be a bit too shy to do anything. Sadly the only way to know for sure is to put yourself out there! Ask him for dinner, ask him to go to cinema or even if you prefer, ask him to come for dinner at yours. See what he says and go from there. I really hope it works out for you but I think you need to make a move to know where you stand.

I'd say this is more noteworthy than the "I can't look at you in the same way again" banter. He could be testing the waters here. He is probably unsure and you are gaining his trust that if he were to ever ask you out you wouldn't go screaming to HR.

He definitely looked very nervous at points when I was sitting close to him, kinda jittery, but that could be anything. Anyway, I'll find out soon enough.

I think the only way your gonna know for sure and to save yourself months of anxiety is to lay it out on the line what you want from the situation. That leaves him space to step in, if he knows you're really interested. If he's not interested in anything more then hopefully he's got the balls to tell you so. If you don't work in the same building, then fuck it just do it. You won't need to see him everyday.
Just don't let him string you along, if it's not a firm yes then move on. He doesn't sound great to be honest...but if you leave it the way it is then you're gonna justify his actions...ie maybe he's shy, maybe he doesn't think I'm interested, maybe this and maybe that.
Be clear and then the quicker you will know.

You're right. I am definitely going to have to just do it.
When you say he doesn't sound great, you mean like he doesn't sound like a good catch/doesn't seem very nice?

I don’t think you do have to tell him what you want - as I said I think you can start by asking him what he wants. You sometimes get a flirty vibe from him but not sure he’s just bored at work? If he says friends you don’t have to put yourself out further. If he implies he wants more than that you can have a reciprocal conversation.

I wouldn’t twist yourself in knots about the “what if he says he wants friends but actually wants more” worry. Take him at his word, if he doesn’t have the gumption to be honest really is just a headfuck and you need to steer clear.

Talked to him today at work just normally, didn't suggest meeting or anything but he seemed kinda distant so I just give up tbh.
Basically I'm house sitting for my family the next few weekends now, I was talking about plans with him and I was saying how I'm just looking forward to having the flat to myself for a bit and cooking and relaxing there. Not sure if that sounded like a hint or something?
It really wasn't intended to, I mean I've got my own place round the corner for a start, my parents flat is like 35 miles away. But basically he didn't reply.
I'm just going to distance myself sadly.

I was talking about plans with him and I was saying how I'm just looking forward to having the flat to myself for a bit and cooking and relaxing there. Not sure if that sounded like a hint or something?

No, it sounded like you are looking forward to being left alone!

It doesn’t sound like any kind of a hint!

If he’s distancing then just see if he continues with it.

Although I don’t listen to people yattering at me at work.

Yeah exactly! A hint would be "I'm going to be all alone all weekend, wish I had some company!"

C'mon woman. Zero game 😂

I said 'i'm looking forward to enjoying the flat on my own'.
This was via teams.
He's in tomorrow but tbh I can't even be bothered.
Asked if he was free at lunchtime but said he's got an errand.
I can't just be friends, I need to distance myself as hard as he is, it's obvious he's not into me

You’re looking for excuses and some posters are giving them to you. Stop it

just bloody ask him out. We men aren’t a different species you know. We have the same worries and fears you do. Some of us aren’t great at the first move and when society (evidenced by some posts on here) has an expectation that we have to make the running or we’re not worth bothering with, well that doesn’t help.

ask. You have nothing to lose

You literally gave the opposite of a hint! You’re talking yourself out of this. If you never ask you’ll never know!

Maybe... I'll try to finally ask him tomorrow.

I used to get on well with my colleague. Then I left. She asked me out. We’re getting married next year.

As others have mentioned, this was the opposite of a hint, you said you wanted time alone.

I don’t know if he s interested or not, but you might as well put yourself out of your own misery by funding out one way or the other.

If you said that to me then it would sound like you want some time to yourself, instead you could of said it wikl
be quiet and you’re looking for some company.

Some people have things to do at lunchtime, for me, lunch time can be the only chance I get tk run errands so don’t take it personally.

If I’m honest, I think you’re looking for reasons for it not to work out, looking for negative things to suggest he might not like you. Sadly none of us know how he feels but there’s only really one way to find out. If someone I liked only ever chatted to me through work teams then I’d think they were just being friendly. Why not message him at night sometime and chat over text/ WhatsApp instead of teams?

Man here, and I think you’re reading so many of the signs the wrong way - you’re also giving serious ‘fuck odd’ vibes by saying you’re looking forward to time alone.

Who on earth would read that as wanting them to come over?! You’re literally saying you want to be left alone, which is probably why he’s been distant.

We’re not mind readers - just ask him out and cut out the mushy purgatory middle-ground you seem to be on. Get a straight yes or no answer then you can move on either way.
The most annoying thing about dating in all respects is lack of clarity, so make your intentions clear and he’ll follow it up if he’s interested.

I'm scared of going through another heartbreak/rejection. My last relationship ended a few months back as the man wouldn't commit to me after 4 years and I'm just not ready to go through it yet again.
I've really developed feelings for this man.
There's a man at work who I don't really know, he's very attractive but I have zero emotional attachment to him, yet the man in my thread I definitely have feelings for.
But you are all right, I just need to get the courage. If he says no I'll be heartbroken, because even he says himself we can talk for hours about anything, and the physical attraction seems to be there so I don't know what's missing :(
If he says no, sadly I can't continue to be friends with him, that sounds childish but I will need to forget my feelings.

I think you’re projecting your bad break up onto this other guy and I say this gently- you need to stop. Not every man is the same so you can’t compare them.
If you put yourself out there and he says no then you need to be proud of the fact you had the confidence to put yourself out there. Yes take a day or two to wallow about it but don’t put yourself down as being heartbroken. You have survived your worst days so far and can get through this.

Your recent breakup explains your ignoring the majority of the advice here. Why not date around a bit to get over the heartbreak? With randoms, not colleagues. It sounds like you need more time.
Also, did the new man enter your life right after your broke up? It's a confusing time and I'd wonder whether you're on the rebound and suddenly find people attractive you hadn't found attractive before.

No need to play games or wait for him, ask once simply 'do you want to go for a drink tomorrow evening' or whatever and go with that answer

Then go or move on

But no need for games

Yes, it was very soon after. I honestly think he won't because of working together. Ah well :(