Ahh gutted, why is it always the way :(

[Pizzaholic33]

So I've got a male friend from work, we've hung out once before, we've hung out again this evening and spent 4 hours together, I felt a lot more relaxed as I'd had some alcohol, which I don't usually have.
He talks to me at work loads, the 4 hours literally flew by, it was really interesting, deep conversation and we also had a laugh.
He told me he's been single for 7 years.
He told me I'm basically the only woman at work he talks to/sees out of work.
He seems up for meeting again.
Yesterday online our conversation did get slightly flirty. I wasn't initially sure I fancied him but I honestly really do now.
I guess he doesn't feel the same, he hasn't made any moves but neither have I.
We literally have everything in common, we've both said it.
It might be because we work together, but it's a massive organisation and we don't work in the same department, we're rarely in on the same day.
He's applying for other jobs to leave soon.
I've got his number but I won't text him or anything.
He's the one who messages me on Teams like every day and it did get slightly flirty online yesterday.
We've only met up twice, we've not even hugged or anything but I think it's never going to happen :(
I think it's too late now :( don't even know what I'm looking for, just support, I'm slightly drunk.

Well I don't know what he was then, I am spending this weekend alone because I just feel like being alone but next weekend I'm seeing friends. I absolutely despise OLD unfortunately, even though pretty much all my friends met their bf that way.

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Watch this. This woman's videos will really help you navigate your feelings.

I'm sorry to read your update @Pizzaholic33 .

I don't think he's a player , he panicked and chickened out . It's odd that he's not dated for seven years , I wouldn't be surprised if something happened then that's made him unable to handle any commitment .

You'll be fine 💐

Thank you :) yeah, I will never truly know. But not talking to him however hard it is will hopefully help me move on.

He lives at home, just has his small group of friends and doesn't drink or go to bars much or anything, it doesn't mean he's innocent but I really don't think he's some sort of player who's out sleeping with different girls every night. From what it sounds like he dated some girls back when he was at uni and when he was into drinking and partying but since then nothing. Anyway it doesn't change my situation I guess.

I feel a tiny bit better this evening. Thank you.

I'm glad you're feeling better OP x

Thank you :) I'm just telling myself it's not personal. I'm seeing it more clearly now, he never had the intention of dating from day 1.

Yeah, he's just a time-waster x

Don’t. I was in that position before where I was certain (and still am) that they fancied mE, and when they didn’t act on it, I blamed myself. I thought I was misreading things, it’s in my head etc. the truth is, sometimes
things are messy. Sometimes the blokes are just as messed up as we are, and sometimes you fancy someone, you weight it up against the potential work wise etc, and you decide despite the fact you like someone the risk isn’t worth it for you. That’s not a judgement on you as a person at all. Sometimes these guys are burnt by previous, sometimes they want to avoid the worst case, and sometimes they’re just scared. It’s not a reflection of you. It used to mess with my head so much when this happened but then I saw the fall out from others, and even if they weren’t the typical case but messy exceptions, it does put you off dating where you work. He might also really care about you as a friend and not want to mess that up.

that’s not to say you got to go along with it, just that you haven’t done anything wrong, there isn’t anything wrong with you and the best thing you can do is not give it so much head space. Catalysing and dramatising things won’t do anything but hurt you.