Ahh gutted, why is it always the way :(

[Pizzaholic33]

So I've got a male friend from work, we've hung out once before, we've hung out again this evening and spent 4 hours together, I felt a lot more relaxed as I'd had some alcohol, which I don't usually have.
He talks to me at work loads, the 4 hours literally flew by, it was really interesting, deep conversation and we also had a laugh.
He told me he's been single for 7 years.
He told me I'm basically the only woman at work he talks to/sees out of work.
He seems up for meeting again.
Yesterday online our conversation did get slightly flirty. I wasn't initially sure I fancied him but I honestly really do now.
I guess he doesn't feel the same, he hasn't made any moves but neither have I.
We literally have everything in common, we've both said it.
It might be because we work together, but it's a massive organisation and we don't work in the same department, we're rarely in on the same day.
He's applying for other jobs to leave soon.
I've got his number but I won't text him or anything.
He's the one who messages me on Teams like every day and it did get slightly flirty online yesterday.
We've only met up twice, we've not even hugged or anything but I think it's never going to happen :(
I think it's too late now :( don't even know what I'm looking for, just support, I'm slightly drunk.

You've ripped the plaster off. Now listen to me, he's not interested. He's not suddenly going to become interested when he leaves. If he was interested he would have made moves on the basis that he's leaving soon anyway.
Now, that's nothing to do with you or how likeable you are. He's just not for you. And trust me you can't see it now because your infatuated but your dodging a massive bullet.
This is the kind of man who strings women along for an ego boost. He's not interested in anyone but himself. He's not a nice guy.
You sound so lovely, you deserve a lovely guy and this one is not it!!
Stop seeing the potential in him and start seeing him for who he is. He would quite happily string you along knowing how you feel, so long as he gets his ego massaged.
The positive out of all this is that even when people were telling you he's interested, you knew in your gut he wasn't. You trusted yourself and you were right. You are self aware. And you have the self respect to let him go.

You are right. Technically he's not leaving soon, he is applying for stuff but the recruitment process here is very vague, it can take months to even get a job offer.
However, I agree either way. I think he saw it coming at some point and was like a perfectly convenient excuse.
He initially seemed interested because he asked for my phone number, it's like for whatever reason he panicked and backed off.
Thanks I appreciate what you are saying, I'm glad I had the self respect to ditch him.

When you said he messages you mainly in work I thought it was probably just an ego boost for him when he's bored at work, don't be that boost

Exactly. I've had this from men a couple of times, they do like a good ego boost especially someone like him who's been single for 7 years or whatever he said.

You won't be trust me. Being as you never had anything concretely romantic with him, only the idea of it and a bit of light flirting, you will heal quicker x

I really hope so, I've liked him for like 2 months now. I don't know what it is, I just fell for him, I feel pathetic. It was more the idea of him and what he could be than who he actually is.

Usually I move on from men when I meet someone else. I hate online dating, and tbh I don't feel like meeting anyone else atm. I do have a lot of hobbies and I have friends, but I'm still a bit lonely.

2 months is not that long. You will be ok. You need to distract yourself and do things that make you happy x

Thank you :) it's the hot and cold that hurt, he initially seemed interested then literally changed like night and day.

Some men literally do not care about other people 😕x

It just makes me wonder, what did I do/say?
However maybe he never was initially interested and didn't mean anything by asking for my number/messaging loads?

He's just literally thoughtless. Never stopped to think how his behaviour would come across as though he was interested and you might start to like him. He could have just done it for an ego boost like you say, and does the same thing to others. It's also possible that he was initially interested but something has made him think otherwise (this doesn't mean you have done anything wrong - within 2 months you are still finding out about each other and perhaps he felt you had different interests/conflicting personalities. It's hard to say without knowing all the details). x

Possibly, but he literally told me twice we had everything in common. We pretty much like all the same stuff, and we talked for 4 hours with no lulls in the conversation. We had good banter and teased each other. But it could pretty much be anything. Maybe I was too nice, too gentle, anything.

Then I think he is literally thoughtless (and stupid if you've talked for 4 hours with no lulls in the conversation). Sorry I probably sound like a total bitch 😂but maybe it is helpful in this case. After the day I've had I'm not pulling any punches. x

He lured you in at the start pretending to be interested, truth is he was just bored at work and fancied having his ego stroked. Then he realised he had you on the hook and he stepped back, he didn't need to lure you in anymore.
It's nothing you've said or done. It's classic dickhead behaviour. He would only mess you around if you keep talking to him. Best to go no contact.
He's been single seven years. That's not because he's a shy, quiet, humble man...that's because he doesn't want a relationship or any sort of commitment. I know you want to be the one that breaks that and be the special girl he falls for but it's not reality. You need to dig deep and find out why you are so obsessed after two months. It's really such a non issue. He's boring...just another player, another guy who messes women around for the thrill...boring.

I keep thinking it's my fault and I put him off by showing interest. I should've been cold and rude and he'd probably be falling for me now.

No-one who is genuinely interested in you would be put off by you genuinely be interested in them. That is the hallmark of game players.

I just feel like the biggest embarrassment on the planet right now. I keep thinking, if only I'd been cold and distant after our meetings, he'd probably want to date me. Why am I even thinking like that? It's hardly like I declared undying love. My message after the second time was asking him if he'd seen my phone charger as I'd lost it, just mundane.
I do just feel like such a full on, cringy embarrassing idiot and I don't know why.
Maybe he never did have the intentions of dating a colleague from day 1

It’s not you, it’s him. He has issues! You sound lovely, there are more straightforward men out there.

Why are you blaming yourself? You wouldn't have to jump through hoops, have to fake anything or manipulate someone into wanting you for the right person. The right person will flow and be easy to communicate with.
You went for what you wanted. It didn't work out...it's been two months of light flirting...please get over it. Seek some therapy, you have deep self esteem issues.
He's not interested. Right ok, time to move on. No use ruminating over and over about how you could have manipulated him into wanting you. Being cold and rude would have him falling at your feet, you think so? Nah...he wouldn't make any effort. The guy can't be arsed. He's a user.

Next time if a guy hasn't made moves, don't let it go on for two months. Don't be strung along.

You don't need to prove your worth to anyone. Watching YouTube videos on how to make him want you won't get you anywhere either. It's done. It's not a problem, you're available for a decent man...move on with a smile, show him you're not arsed.

I don't have deep self esteem issues as such, I'm probably just feeling vulnerable ATM and feeling stupid for misreading this guy's signs.
I feel like I put him off by showing interest. I didn't come across as crazy or anything because otherwise he wouldn't have started messaging me again or asked me to go to a bar.
I'm definitely glad I've distanced myself, maybe from day 1 he never had any intention of dating at work.

It sounds weird but during the first time we went out I wasn't 100% sure I fancied him, and I don't know if that came across. After we left this coffee place he said we should do this again, I'll let you know when I'm in the area.
I should've seen that as the sign there and then. Anyway 24h later I texted saying it'd be lovely to do xyz the next week if he was free.
I keep telling myself that he lost interest because I sent that text, I should've let him ask me.
So when he dropped off a little, I left it again, didn't ask him, then lo and behold he asked me.

I say this gently but you need to stop. You’re hurting yourself more here than anything else. You’re overthinking every communication and it’s not healthy.

I’m sorry he didn’t feel the same, we sadly don’t know if he did like you or if he liked the attention but it’s not going to do you any use to find out.

You need to put this down to, you two weren’t a match and it’s not worked out. He didn’t feel the same
and as rubbish as that is, It sadly happens to all of us at some point. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, doesn’t mean you’re clingy, it just means he didn’t feel the same.

I think the best thing you can do today is go out and keep busy. Stop overthinking this, it’s time to move
on and accept it’s a friendship. I don’t want to come
across as nasty to you but I think you’re making yourself upset and beating yourself up over this when you need to step back and look at it from a different perspective. You now know where you stand with him, you can now accept it’s nothing and put your time and energy into something else.

No you're right I do need to stop overthinking it all, I just wish he hadn't given me the dating at work excuse. I will feel better soon it just takes time.

It does take time but it also takes a willingness to accept it for what it is.
Stop thinking about the reasons, stop thinking what if and today think, I asked and now know where I stand.

I’ve been heartbroken, I’ve been unable to eat and have got myself in a right state. It’s not worth him, this guy isn’t worth it after 2 months of talking.

Please focus on yourself, focus on building your confidence and self esteem. Put this guy out of your mind.