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Ahh gutted, why is it always the way :(

235 replies

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:07

So I've got a male friend from work, we've hung out once before, we've hung out again this evening and spent 4 hours together, I felt a lot more relaxed as I'd had some alcohol, which I don't usually have.
He talks to me at work loads, the 4 hours literally flew by, it was really interesting, deep conversation and we also had a laugh.
He told me he's been single for 7 years.
He told me I'm basically the only woman at work he talks to/sees out of work.
He seems up for meeting again.
Yesterday online our conversation did get slightly flirty. I wasn't initially sure I fancied him but I honestly really do now.
I guess he doesn't feel the same, he hasn't made any moves but neither have I.
We literally have everything in common, we've both said it.
It might be because we work together, but it's a massive organisation and we don't work in the same department, we're rarely in on the same day.
He's applying for other jobs to leave soon.
I've got his number but I won't text him or anything.
He's the one who messages me on Teams like every day and it did get slightly flirty online yesterday.
We've only met up twice, we've not even hugged or anything but I think it's never going to happen :(
I think it's too late now :( don't even know what I'm looking for, just support, I'm slightly drunk.

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 02/02/2024 20:09

How is it too late? This sounds like just the beginning. I honestly don't understand your reasoning?

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:10

I have actually been speaking to him for around 2 months, mostly online but also the occasions I see him in the office. I just feel like he'd let me know if he were interested :(

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Zippedydoodahday · 02/02/2024 20:11

He is letting you know he's interested fool! Why else is he messaging you so much?!

IgnoranceNotOk · 02/02/2024 20:12

Message him and say would he be interested in going on a date?

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:13

Honestly I think he's just that sort of man who has female friends, he told me he did in his last job. He has also called me 'mate' a couple of times.

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Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:14

We've got each others numbers but he said he was rubbish at using WhatsApp, that's probably a hint :(

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SurelySmartie · 02/02/2024 20:14

Yeh don’t go running after him though, let him do the initial work.
Just imo.

IgnoranceNotOk · 02/02/2024 20:14

What have you got to lose if he’s going to be leaving soon anyway?

Just ask him out - at worst he’ll be flattered but it sounds like he’s spending time with you and maybe isn’t sure if you’re interested

MesCroissants · 02/02/2024 20:15

Op, it sounds like you are talking yourself out of this and convincing yourself it's over already rather than trying to move forward with it? Why? If you asked him out for a drink/date what's the worst that could happen?

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:16

You're right, he's actually the one who asked me to meet up tonight.
There aren't many other men I can speak with for 4 hours non stop, there were zero awkward silences.
He looked a bit nervous at some points at the start.
But I just don't think he's into me :(
Also wonder if because he's been single for 7 years of whatever he's kinda set in his ways?

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 02/02/2024 20:17

Friends can turn into partners! Especially if you're opposite sexes and heterosexual 🙂

If he's leaving your shared workplace it's the ideal time to make your feelings known. Then if he doesn't reciprocate you don't have to worry about seeing him again!

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:18

That's a good point :)
Thank you

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MesCroissants · 02/02/2024 20:20

Do you think you are scared of possible rejection, so you're convincing yourself he's not into you to pre-empt that..? You might be right of course, but that's not how it looks from here. He likes you as a person that much is clear, and I reckon the chances are he fancies you. But if he's not interested, that's ok too.
Nothing ventured...

willsandnoodle · 02/02/2024 20:20

What have you got to lose?

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:21

What's a pery sorry? Or is it a typo? 😁 I just think he'd have been more forward if he was? Not sure

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RosePetals86 · 02/02/2024 20:21

It might work out better op if he goes to work elsewhere if you started dating? It might be too much working together as well as dating- stay positive.

MesCroissants · 02/02/2024 20:22

Typo, now corrected - sorry! 😆

SnakesAndArrows · 02/02/2024 20:23

He probably thinks you couldn’t possibly fancy him and are out of his league. Be bold!

Ihaterhymingrabbit · 02/02/2024 20:24

Met DP at work, he had female friends and was the type to call females mate, we were friends first now together 12 years. It can happen.

Talktometellmeyourname · 02/02/2024 20:24

why wouldn’t you message him if you have his number?
Sounds like you’re expecting him to do all of the work.

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:24

Aww no I think he's more confident than I initially thought, I'm not sure if the 7 years single are through choice or not?

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GoldenTea · 02/02/2024 20:25

I'm confused. You think he's not interested because he hasn't made any 'moves'. But neither have you.

Maybe he's sitting at home thinking he'd love to ask you on a date but is too scared because he thinks you're not interested.

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:28

I was the one who initially asked him for coffee the first time we met up. And the one who initially started talking to him, also we did used to text on WhatsApp but kinda stopped, but as I said we do talk on Teams chat like every single day.

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LauderSyme · 02/02/2024 20:29

... "he'd have been more forward"...

Well, he has reached out and initiated contact with you on Teams and IRL. So he has made a few first moves and 'done the initial work' I would say.

Some men are shy or don't want to run foul of Me Too and aren't sure where women draw their boundaries or are as frightened of rejection as some of us! I think you are despairing prematurely.

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:33

It may well be because we work for the same organisation even though it's a massive place and we hardly see each other there.
He did mention things about sexual harassment complaints etc.
But I'm not sure.. I just feel like he'd have been more flirty.
Chat did get flirty ISH online yesterday but could have just been 'banter' ?

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