Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ahh gutted, why is it always the way :(

235 replies

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 20:07

So I've got a male friend from work, we've hung out once before, we've hung out again this evening and spent 4 hours together, I felt a lot more relaxed as I'd had some alcohol, which I don't usually have.
He talks to me at work loads, the 4 hours literally flew by, it was really interesting, deep conversation and we also had a laugh.
He told me he's been single for 7 years.
He told me I'm basically the only woman at work he talks to/sees out of work.
He seems up for meeting again.
Yesterday online our conversation did get slightly flirty. I wasn't initially sure I fancied him but I honestly really do now.
I guess he doesn't feel the same, he hasn't made any moves but neither have I.
We literally have everything in common, we've both said it.
It might be because we work together, but it's a massive organisation and we don't work in the same department, we're rarely in on the same day.
He's applying for other jobs to leave soon.
I've got his number but I won't text him or anything.
He's the one who messages me on Teams like every day and it did get slightly flirty online yesterday.
We've only met up twice, we've not even hugged or anything but I think it's never going to happen :(
I think it's too late now :( don't even know what I'm looking for, just support, I'm slightly drunk.

OP posts:
Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 22:05

He said on leaving tonight he wants to meet up again, I'm just really getting friend vibes from him, he replied to my text with something generic, I just think when men are into you you know sadly :(

OP posts:
Butterandtoast · 02/02/2024 22:07

In what way was the conversation flirty on teams? What were you both saying?

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 22:08

Butterandtoast · 02/02/2024 22:07

In what way was the conversation flirty on teams? What were you both saying?

Well I don't even know if it counts as flirty but it was more just bantery, like he was joking if you haven't seen X film I can't look at you in the same way again, or stuff like that. Maybe it was just nothing.

OP posts:
OMirrorBall · 02/02/2024 22:09

I think if he's repeatedly asking you out and you're getting on so well then there's probably a spark and he's afraid of over-stepping boundaries. All the women who say that men should 'do the chasing' don't literally sit back and do nothing, they escalate with plausible deniability! Send a slightly flirtier text than you have before to give him a green light.

Delphiniumandlupins · 02/02/2024 22:10

Ask him out. Don't flirt on Teams. Stop expecting him to do what you're not prepared to do.

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 22:12

I asked him to meet up the very first time, the second time round it was him, but in between that I had alluded to us meeting up.
It might be because we work in the same place even if we don't work together.
It's quite risky, so I may need to wait
.

OP posts:
Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 22:14

We talk about every single topic, honestly. Life and death stuff, and we both said we have a lot in common and the same sense of humour.
It might just be that he doesn't find me attractive, which is sad but oh well.

OP posts:
DonnyBurrito · 02/02/2024 22:14

If you've got loads in common invite him to a gig, assuming you've got the same music taste! Great place to have some sweaty fun dancing, bonding etc, have a few drinks and one of you will certainly make the move if there's a spark there.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 02/02/2024 22:15

Nothing ventured nothing gained; especially if he’s leaving anyway.

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 22:16

The thing is we're in an industry where you need a lot of security checks and things move verrry slowly, so he might not even leave for a couple of months.

OP posts:
TheBayLady · 02/02/2024 22:16

Bloody hell woman this is 2024, who told you that men make all the running. If you don't get your arse into gear and invite him out you may regret it for the rest of your life. Sort it now, today, this weekend not in a few weeks. St Valentines day is 12 days away, get talking and making plans.

tolerable · 02/02/2024 22:21

try no to overthink when slightly skwiffy.

Noseybookworm · 02/02/2024 22:21

Just ask him out to dinner and see what happens? If it goes well, invite him back to yours for coffee 😁 what's the worst that can happen? If he doesn't make a move, then leave it up to him to initiate any further meet ups!

piscofrisco · 02/02/2024 22:21

Ah Jaysjs. Ask him out. If he says no it's. It the end of the world and at least you know, if he says yes then all to the good!

DonnyBurrito · 02/02/2024 22:21

TheBayLady · 02/02/2024 22:16

Bloody hell woman this is 2024, who told you that men make all the running. If you don't get your arse into gear and invite him out you may regret it for the rest of your life. Sort it now, today, this weekend not in a few weeks. St Valentines day is 12 days away, get talking and making plans.

100% agree. If you fancy him, make it happen!

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 22:22

Why am I so convinced that if a man likes you he will ask you out :(

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 02/02/2024 22:24

TheBayLady · 02/02/2024 22:16

Bloody hell woman this is 2024, who told you that men make all the running. If you don't get your arse into gear and invite him out you may regret it for the rest of your life. Sort it now, today, this weekend not in a few weeks. St Valentines day is 12 days away, get talking and making plans.

This!

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 22:25

In my 33 years if men have liked me they've usually done something about it, he said he had female friends in his last job, I'm just getting friend vibes :(

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 02/02/2024 22:28

He did mention things about sexual harassment complaints etc.
Did he really? 🤔. In what context?

6pence · 02/02/2024 22:28

You have to give him a bit too. He’s probably feeling just as unsure as you,

GurlWithACurl · 02/02/2024 22:28

H, OP, please don’t miss your opportunity! I once rang a guy from work and asked if he wanted to go out with me for a drink. He wasn’t even sure who I was at first, but he agreed and we had a great time.

Thirteen months later was our wedding day. We have now been married for 35 years. All from one phone call.

Just do it! If it doesn’t work out, then at least you tried. Best of luck.

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 22:29

StarlightLime · 02/02/2024 22:28

He did mention things about sexual harassment complaints etc.
Did he really? 🤔. In what context?

Just was saying stuff like it's tricky in the workplace as men can be accused of sexual harassment for asking a woman out, for example.

OP posts:
WrigglyDonCat · 02/02/2024 22:30

Trust me, this chap is giving every impression of being very interested. He's done a whole load of running by the sounds of it and now just needs a little confirmation.

The whole men will let you know thing is nonsense. A little secret is that there are probably just as many men who lack confidence in making a move or fear rejection as there are women. And the good thing is that they are also less likely to be the pump and dump players of the world.

And if you've been giving it the old 'flick your hair widdershins while holding your right ear lobe 'cos all blokes know that signal' routine, let me be the first to let you know that all that stuff is nonsense as well.

And I suspect you may not have noticed the confirmation bias in your past experiences. If you've always let men make the first move, it's not surprising that it appears that men make the first move if you see what I mean. You've not really looked for anything else.

It won't be the first time I have been on the money: www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4821614-unsure-hes-interested-but-im-going-to-find-out-advice-please?page=1

Unsure he's interested but I'm going to find out. Advice please... | Mumsnet

I am submitting myself to the wisdom of Mumsnet... Some months ago I met this guy by pure chance doing a multi-day hike in an area far from where I l...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4821614-unsure-hes-interested-but-im-going-to-find-out-advice-please?page=1

StarlightLime · 02/02/2024 22:31

Pizzaholic33 · 02/02/2024 22:29

Just was saying stuff like it's tricky in the workplace as men can be accused of sexual harassment for asking a woman out, for example.

He's sounding you out, so. Definitely sounds interested to me.

MassiveOvaryaction · 02/02/2024 22:34

Me and dh have been together the best part of 30 years @Pizzaholic33 - if I hadn't made the first move I think I'd still be waiting Grin