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Original poster

Horrible wife - didn't contact DH enough

287 replies

Unrulywifey81 · 02/02/2024 12:55

DH has been away for a week on a course. I've been at home working full time and looking after the children. So hard on both of us.

DH has come home today in a massive strop as I didn't contact him enough. Apparently the fact I messaged him a few (maybe 5) times during the day, made sure he spoke to the children every night while trying to keep on top of work, household chores and keeping us all alive wasn't enough

He messaged one evening when I was enjoying the rarity of having the TV to myself and a couple of early nights and I wasn't in the mood for sexting and now thinks that I didn't make enough effort

During the day when I messaged him there were delays between messages as I was on calls (camera on) so apparently because I wouldn't stop the call to message him is rude.

OP posts:
Harls1969 · 03/02/2024 20:39

I'm really sorry but he sounds very controlling. It's unlikely it will improve without him taking a good hard look at himself. Is this really what you want your kids to grow up witnessing? Is it really what you want for yourself? Good luck op

Namenotimportant85 · 03/02/2024 20:39

Sorry but he sounds like a complete controlling narcissistic gaslighting idiot. You deserve better op!

Madamum18 · 03/02/2024 20:43

He is trying to dictate your life to his own interests. This is NOT a partnership 💐

11oclockrock · 03/02/2024 21:02

He is abusive

Justanothercatlady · 03/02/2024 21:04

@Unrulywifey81 he’s insecure and not emotionally mature enough to tell you that. Unless he can he’ll carry on trying to drag you down to his level. People evolve and change - he isn’t!

AcrossthePond55 · 03/02/2024 21:32

OldPerson · 03/02/2024 19:29

And why did you marry him? He doesn't seem very mature or grown up. Is he really insecure? And again. Why did you marry him?

Some people 'drop the mask' when they think they have you caught. My exH never raised his voice or his hand to me until we were married. That changed soon after he had the ring on my finger.

Asking OP why she married him is really not helpful at this point, is it? I'm sure OP married in good faith, like we all do. If we're lucky, we've made the right choice and live 'happily ever after'. If we aren't so lucky, hopefully, people will help us find the strength and courage to get out. Not criticize us for the choice we made.

DancesWithBadgers · 03/02/2024 21:38

Doesn’t surprise me you are on the way to matching or exceeding his income, or that he is not anywhere near as present with the children as you are, clearly. Or that he belittles your training and attempts to impose a routine or arbitrary rules parenting wise that don’t work or that have criticising you as a core aim. Terribly threatened by you isn’t he, in addition to wanting you to revolve your life around his needs. It’s not about the kids at all, you sound like a very present mother. It’s about him needing his place as the centre of the family and the boss as it were with you playing the support role.

He’s dreadfully insecure isn’t he. And mean to boot - laughed at your progression prospects and opportunities you are working hard for? That’s horrible.

Honestly i’d struggle living with someone whose self esteem depended so entirely on making others lower vs being in an equal partnership. Sorry you’re going through this.

Justanothercatlady · 03/02/2024 21:55

‘……when I told DH this he laughed and said I was being an idiot as it's all just a ploy for them to get me to work harder.’

well, he’s just told you exactly how he feels about you@Unrulywifey81 he wants you to work harder for him. He’s not showing you any respect either laughing at you and name calling. He’ll start eroding your confidence until you get back in your place. Is that what you want?

2under4 · 03/02/2024 22:30

Sounds like he's grumpy because he's tired after a long week (not that it excuses it). Hopefully he'll realise he's been a twat, after he's had a sleep.

Haffiana · 03/02/2024 22:59

How on earth can you bring yourself to shag him?

Surely you can see your marriage is over.

Moodicum · 03/02/2024 23:02

Lolz at the fact that being away on his own in a hotel room was hard for him..,,

Thedogscollar · 03/02/2024 23:22

@Unrulywifey81
After your updates there can only be one remedy for all this shit and that is to LTB.

You are hardworking, organised and intelligent you do not need this arsewipe in your life.

Your life without him will flourish with him it will wither.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 04/02/2024 00:31

Fuck that! What a man-child!!
I just got back from a seven day work trip.
DH kept the children and pets going and did his job.
NOT ONCE did I think he should have texted me more!!!

crampycrumpet · 04/02/2024 07:32

Controlling and manipulative

he hates that you’re not his little house wifey doesnt he

insecure little man child

Mnbvcxzlkhgfds · 04/02/2024 07:52

You are both being unreasonable. Neither of you are meeting the others needs. I feel you need to stop blaming the other and creating a toxic marriage. You need to talk about the unfair share of house and childcare you do and get him to help or get someone to help take the kids off your hands to have some you time. Both of you should address that to your DH feels very unloved but stress that he needs in a less pervy way. Spend some quality time with each other or your marriage will go to 💩

pointythings · 04/02/2024 08:39

Mnbvcxzlkhgfds · 04/02/2024 07:52

You are both being unreasonable. Neither of you are meeting the others needs. I feel you need to stop blaming the other and creating a toxic marriage. You need to talk about the unfair share of house and childcare you do and get him to help or get someone to help take the kids off your hands to have some you time. Both of you should address that to your DH feels very unloved but stress that he needs in a less pervy way. Spend some quality time with each other or your marriage will go to 💩

If you think both are 50/50 responsible here, I worry about your reading comprehension.

Original poster
Unrulywifey81 · 04/02/2024 09:03

So after yet another argument the issues have come down to the fact that I don't make enough time for him and we don't have sex enough. Apparently I should be blocking time out in my diary when he at home and I'm working to make time for it.

On days off that I have, instead of wanting to enjoy the day and go out shopping in the morning and for lunch I should be planning on how to have a good session and make him feel like I want to spend some time off with him rather than going out shopping and lunch with him.

When I said that if he helped more around the house or with childcare when on nights I might want to, I got told that I don't understand how hard night work is and I need to suck it up

When I said that I could maybe take 20 minutes out during the day but would need to catch up on work later (after the kids are in bed) I then got told that I already neglect the kids enough as it is by working too much so this just will neglect them more

OP posts:
KeanuCallMe · 04/02/2024 09:14

Time to go, OP. This is ridiculous. Does he not understand how completely unsexy he’s made himself. ICK.

ohdear43 · 04/02/2024 09:18

Omg op, he sounds awful. You are not selfish and unreasonable. He is a spoilt jealous little brat and you can do so much better. Big hugs and I hope you find the strength to leave him as it sounds as though you are pretty much on your own any way.

pictoosh · 04/02/2024 09:19

My job has always been the lower paid one, but I am catching up now and after a discussion with my line manager there is potential for me to be promoted within the next year or so, however when I told DH this he laughed and said I was being an idiot as it's all just a ploy for them to get me to work harder.

This tells all really. He holds you and any achievements you make outside of servicing him and his agenda, in contempt.

I don't think there's anything you can do about that. You can't unmake an arsehole.

pictoosh · 04/02/2024 09:25

"Love is not looking inwards at one another but outwards together in the same direction."

A good partner will facilitate and support your endeavours to progress.
A cunt will call you an idiot.

RandomMess · 04/02/2024 09:26

He really can F-off.

He expects you to be available when it suits him to have sex.

The house and DC are your sole responsibility.

Please get your ducks in a row and divorce him.

I am so angry at his misogyny.

Daleksatemyshed · 04/02/2024 09:27

He's being an arse Op, you're not teenagers who sneak off for a shag at every opportunity anymore. If you're WFH, you're WFH, you can't just log off for an hour or two for sex. He must know he's unreasonable, he doesn't want you to work, so you can be doting on him every day.

pointythings · 04/02/2024 09:35

I hope you've found your anger now, OP. This selfish inadequate little man isn't worth your time. Get rid.

ohdear43 · 04/02/2024 09:46

Oh and please please do not give up your job. You will be playing right into his jealous and controlling hands.