To think if you can't handle the children you've got you should stop having kids?

[Absolutelybloomingflabbergasted]

I know this is subjective but, I wanted 3 kids and knew after 1 I wouldn't be able to handle a younger child and balance life effectively.

I'm sat on the train, and, this isn't the first occurrence.

A mother with 4 children, shouting at her baby, telling her she's naughty because she's upset and being a normal baby.

Yes, we all get stressed but she's blatantly lying to her, saying she needs to shut up as the train guards coming and doesn't want to hear her racket, threatening to throw her dummy in the bin for being bad. Saying she never should of taken them out, 'especially her' 'she's too bad to take out and always does this, she never learns and neither do I, next time she's staying home'

I understand parenthood is stressful, but now all the other kids are shouting at this poor child, who is still in a pram and looks no older than 1.5

I found toddlerhood the most stressful.

I understand pregnancy and children come unexpectedly but, I see this very frequently in my area, which is very poverty striken and there is not a great deal of support.

I feel so upset for this child.

I'm sick of seeing people having more children then they are phyiscally able to and then pretty much abusing them.

I came from a household that did similar and refuse to do this to not only myself but my children.

I know this will likely be conflicting but, I believe behaviour is echoed from the role model or parent, in general but especially in this case.

It makes me so sad.

You sound paranoid and in need of therapy.

Um what? Do you think only one person could disagree with you? The arrogance!

This is similar to a woman I saw on the bus thr other day who had 3 but it sounded more like 10. She was doing her best bless her but the shrieking, dear God the shrieking. I think I would have gauged my own eardrums out

I don't believe @Canthave2manycats does work in safeguarding. As if any teacher, social worker etc seeing this would call the police. She didn't actually do anything illegal nasty as she was, noone is going to act on that report. And those in safeguarding/ teaching / sw know this.

Also weird comments about not judging. This lefty identity it's good to be the underclass stuff isn't actually non judgement. It's damming children to dreadful life's because in your middle class bubble you think its just a different value set or way of life.
But op knows the damage, she is literally from this type of family, or actually sounds a fair bit worse, herself so perhaps give over on the 'I'm such a good person I wouldn't judge but I would try to have her arrested' bs.

Ideally everyone would make logical choices based on their circumstances, wider societal circumstances and based on a good insight into their strengths and weaknesses.

Nobody would get into a bad situation, stay in one, do things that weren't right for them, know their limits etc etc.

But that's not how humans are. We don't operate like that. Most of us don't even have the ability to look critically at ourselves and be truly honest and objective about what we can and cannot achieve.

I'm team OP here I would NEVER talk to my child like that. The train mum clearly doesn't have capacity for empathy or understanding of what is developmentally appropriate expectation of a baby and needs help and support from government agencies

There’s a difference between recognising that a behaviour is poor or damaging and just prattling on about how awful a woman on a train is.

Isn’t there a saying about not looking down in someone unless you’re helping them up? OP would do well to think on that.

Can you actually note the last time I mentioned the parent on the train? My frustration since has been direct at society or those defending such behaviour or accusing me of being at fault?

Absolutely baffled by the posters condoning this vile behaviour and suggested OP should have offered support.

There are many people for whom large families aren’t the right path but this doesn’t stop it happening - whether that’s down to a lack of education, naivety or stupidity doesn’t really matter - the only people really suffering are those poor children who OP saw today.

We all have bad days, we all struggle with parenting at times but if you’re able to talk to your toddler like that on a public train, chances are you’re treating them even more alarmingly in private.

Completely agree with you OP, guarantee she’ll be far worse in private.

People like that shouldn’t keep banging out children they can’t manage.

It's coming from somewhere, I'm unsure where or why it's so direct at me!

But thank you, I just assume they aren't actually reading my replies, as they just can't seem to grasp that? Or maybe I have just come across totally wrong!!

Certainly agree with you!

Ignoring the example given as I think it’s likely unfair, yes I do tend to agree. I have friends who have 4 kids and a lot of the time they complain about never having money because of the kids, how tiring they are etc…and I internally roll my eyes.

Has anyone condoned the behaviour?

I think some of us are just a bit repelled by OP’s need to start a thread about how rubbish a random parent is, and then her follow-up accusations that anyone not willing to join in roundly slagging off mums ‘like that’ (it was clear she had a whole group in mind) are secret abusers.

It all just stinks.

OP, she sounds really unpleasant.

You're not coming across well here, because you've made it all about you and your issues. Writing how it must be about the number of children and pointing out that you've stopped at one, as though that makes your judgement better.

It's not really about the number of children. She shouldn't be threatening to hit her baby. First baby, fourth baby. And I don't think you can demonstrate that she was doing it because she has too many kids.

I don't think using the threat of the train guard is abusive with older kids btw, but it's really odd to use it with a child too young to understand.

I dont think that at all, its just quite ironic that you portray your words almost identically.

It's been an interesting evening!

@Absolutelybloomingflabbergasted you and I could be friends.
This woman has no right being a mother. How dare she threaten to lamp her own innocent infant? I would have taken to my phone and pretended to make a call to the police asking them to meet the train as there is a woman threatening to harm a tiny baby on board and watched her shit herself.
If it were a man threatening and shouting at an infant, he would no be 'supported' - he would be pillaged. She has chosen to reproduce 4 times, I doubt she was forced!

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I would never speak to my kids like that either ...
Doesn't mean I have to agree with the op"s judgements or comments she has made on this thread

@Mariposistaaa at least you would have done something

I'm not sure it's even possible to name change mid-thread?

Her arrogance oozes from every post so it's not surprising tbh.

I’m baffled at the people who think OP should have cut her some slack because she might be having a bad day, we don’t know what’s going on in her life etc. What about if this was a man and a woman, and the woman was being really annoying, maybe a bit drunk, or pestering the man with questions when he was trying to read, or asking him to go to the buffet car for her….and the man kept telling her to shut up and that he’d smack her when they got home. Would you cut him some slack, because you don’t know what stresses he has going on in his life?

How is this different scenario different from what the OP saw?

Many posters have excused the behaviour which is pretty similar.

I admit that I haven’t read the full thread so have missed the secret abuser angle.

"you and I could be friends"?!!!

That's almost funny.

Sorry yes, I would have. Sadly wouldn't have known her name or address or I would have called the police for real, and filmed it to show to social services. I wouldn't have cared if there were other children in it - if that baby is in danger, so are they all.
I would probably have alerted the train guard too if there was one. Wastes of space like her need coming down hard on.

@GreenAppleCrumble I think it's pretty obvious she means me.

Glad that there are at least two intelligent posters on this thread 😁