To think if you can't handle the children you've got you should stop having kids?

[Absolutelybloomingflabbergasted]

I know this is subjective but, I wanted 3 kids and knew after 1 I wouldn't be able to handle a younger child and balance life effectively.

I'm sat on the train, and, this isn't the first occurrence.

A mother with 4 children, shouting at her baby, telling her she's naughty because she's upset and being a normal baby.

Yes, we all get stressed but she's blatantly lying to her, saying she needs to shut up as the train guards coming and doesn't want to hear her racket, threatening to throw her dummy in the bin for being bad. Saying she never should of taken them out, 'especially her' 'she's too bad to take out and always does this, she never learns and neither do I, next time she's staying home'

I understand parenthood is stressful, but now all the other kids are shouting at this poor child, who is still in a pram and looks no older than 1.5

I found toddlerhood the most stressful.

I understand pregnancy and children come unexpectedly but, I see this very frequently in my area, which is very poverty striken and there is not a great deal of support.

I feel so upset for this child.

I'm sick of seeing people having more children then they are phyiscally able to and then pretty much abusing them.

I came from a household that did similar and refuse to do this to not only myself but my children.

I know this will likely be conflicting but, I believe behaviour is echoed from the role model or parent, in general but especially in this case.

It makes me so sad.

Poor baby. Lots of posters on here will say you don't know what her life is like etc but the truth is there are shitty parents out there who keep on having kids and can't handle them. It's the kids I feel sorry for.

I certainly have, but never verbally abused or told my child I would hit them for embarrassing me.

I also always talk to my child and explain why and how things could be different next time.

Hence why, one I feel is beneficial for me.

I know my limits, unfortunately not all do and don't understand the consequences.

It's not your job to bitch about her on mumsnet either and yet here you are.

You also just sat and watched this unfold so therefore in your words
"Enabling abuse"

Yep when comments were going ops way suddenly she’s threatening to slap them

I think a lot of people just don’t get round to using contraception rather than that they plan to have more children. It’s a passive decision rather than an active one

TBF I have 3 kids and often wonder what the hell I did that for. My 3rd was an accident though... I 100% would not go for a 4th and I don't think I handle my 3 too badly. I certainly don't threaten to hit them 🤷

Of course it's not but there is zero excuse for turning on a baby like that for being a baby and blaming the baby for being at fault.

She's had 3 other kids, you'd think you'd understand? If not, why continue having more?

I was raised in an abusive household, parenting 2 children at 10! You reflect and work upon your parenting and if at the 4th you still are like this, is it really the children's fault?

I once saw a woman on a bus say to a child “ if you don’t shut up I’m going to break your fucking jaw”. I’d love to know how anyone would excuse that?

Ah, I wonder why you're so upset about stating people who can't manage their emotions and are verbally abusive to their children, shouldn't have more.....

This is poor parenting and it's the children who suffer. Of course we all have a bad day, but that's not a good enough excuse for threatening all manner of things. I always worry if this is what they are saying/doing in public, what else is going on behind closed doors.

I think only those that have done it themselves can excuse such behaviour.

There is no excuse for behaving like this. Can't believe people are saying you shouldn't judge. If I am going to judge anything it is child abuse.
I agree OP, I see it all of the time in my work. I can never understand why they keep having children.

Your judging other people for the decisions your mum made

This is obviously triggering for you.

Because, what am I going to do?

I've been in abusive parenting previously. My input wouldn't of helped.

Also, don't try and blame me for a child being threatened and verbally abused.

That's not on me, that's on the mother.

Is it just you and the family on train, or other passengers?

Yeah, seeing Aby child being abused is triggering....

But clearly not for you?

@Absolutelybloomingflabbergasted

No there's no excuse for abuse I agree with you entirely on that. However my point was that you can't possibly know how she got on with 3 kids - maybe she managed fine and is unable to cope since having her 4th, and in that situation reflecting on her past parenting wouldn't make any sense of she didn't struggle til now. That's my point - sometimes you can't know how you'll cope til you're in it. I'm sure there will be cases of shitty parents who are equally as awful with child 1 as they are with child 4. But you'll also have those parents who coped fine before the last child and that was maybe the tipping point for them. My point is, you don't know which this lady is having only seen this snapshot of her (admittedly dreadful) parenting of her youngest.

I'm always amazed at the lengths people will go to on MN to excuse or explain away horrendous parenting. The most hilarious is the one who always asks 'what did you do to support her?' Like she's going to appreciate some random butting into her life and offering to babysit the child she's taking all her frustration out on. Or that her behaviour would be dramatically changed in the long term if only someone shared an understanding few words with her.

Oh and then there's always another who says 'it's none of your business that she's being really nasty to her children' and then makes up wildly ludicrous reasons why it's definitely not just that this woman is a shit parent but her dad's girlfriends cat could have just died 2 weeks ago and you just don't know.

I was going to say wait for it, next thing someone will be along saying you're making it all up - but look they're already here.

YANBU but you’ll get tons of “you’re only seeing a tiny part of this poor woman’s day!” and “why didn’t you go help out rather than judge?”

I had a mum like this - she didn’t turn into Miss Honey the moment we weren’t in public.

So many kids deserve so much better but we’re too busy coddling their awful parents.

Of course it would be

Difference is I couldn't have sat and watched
I would have asked if everything is ok or maybe offer my understanding that parenting is hard .. maybe make her feel less judged ...
Rather than sit there with my nose in the air

I know I don't and I did try to really explain that, echo individual circumstance is different and parenting is stressful, but I don't agree with verbally abusing any child, no matter how many there are.

It's a tough job being a parent.

But I see this an awful lot in my area, granted there are likely reasons behind it.

Still, not nice to see.

She sounds like she's having a tough time, and frankly you're not covering yourself in glory either.