To think if you can't handle the children you've got you should stop having kids?

[Absolutelybloomingflabbergasted]

I know this is subjective but, I wanted 3 kids and knew after 1 I wouldn't be able to handle a younger child and balance life effectively.

I'm sat on the train, and, this isn't the first occurrence.

A mother with 4 children, shouting at her baby, telling her she's naughty because she's upset and being a normal baby.

Yes, we all get stressed but she's blatantly lying to her, saying she needs to shut up as the train guards coming and doesn't want to hear her racket, threatening to throw her dummy in the bin for being bad. Saying she never should of taken them out, 'especially her' 'she's too bad to take out and always does this, she never learns and neither do I, next time she's staying home'

I understand parenthood is stressful, but now all the other kids are shouting at this poor child, who is still in a pram and looks no older than 1.5

I found toddlerhood the most stressful.

I understand pregnancy and children come unexpectedly but, I see this very frequently in my area, which is very poverty striken and there is not a great deal of support.

I feel so upset for this child.

I'm sick of seeing people having more children then they are phyiscally able to and then pretty much abusing them.

I came from a household that did similar and refuse to do this to not only myself but my children.

I know this will likely be conflicting but, I believe behaviour is echoed from the role model or parent, in general but especially in this case.

It makes me so sad.

And for all those reasons there are simply some who could have stopped if they have it some thought. Not everyone of course but we need to stop pretending that no one at all has any free will or intelligence in respect to procreating.

@Absolutelybloomingflabbergasted
Absolutely!

I'm struggling to understand the comment, because of course there are happy families of multiple children, but that's not my comment or observation here?

Certainly, as I tried to note initially the circumstances vary and its often intertwined and a lack of support enables it to continue.

My frustration wasn't just to frustrated parents or abusive parenting but the government and society that we live in that keeps us in such cycles.

There are many happy families with 4 kids, come on.
And most people judge on something, judging should not be such a dirty word. We do ourselves a great disservice when we can read what the OP wrote but we don’t want to judge it as bad because judging would be so much worse than what actually happened.

It is true, in life we don’t get equal circumstances and not everyone can change theirs but some can.

Op I agree, threatening anyone is just horrible, threatening small children is nasty.

I once gave a bloke a piece of my mind at the gym when his kids over excitedly fucked up the new padlock he had bought by setting a combination code and then moving all the numbers - of course they couldn’t remember the code as they were just playing with the numbers. He started laying into them both verbally calling them stupid little fuckers on and on the whole few minutes I had walked in, gone into a changing room and come out to put my bag in the locker. I went over to him and gave him mine and told him the combination. He took it and said thanks, he’d had a stressful day and I came back to him and said whatever had happened it was absolutely no excuse to bully his kids and not to let them play with things that weren’t toys. Then I said that he should be ashamed of himself and that he needed to apologise to his poor children for losing control of himself 🫣 then I told the kids I hoped they had a nice swim and walked off.
Ive seen him in there since with them and they wave at me and call me padlock lady 😂
Maybe he’s still a bully, I don’t know, but I really hope that those kids remember that I didn’t find his disgusting behaviour acceptable.

If you make the assumption that most people are a bit thick, the world starts to make a lot more sense. I doubt this woman even stopped to think about how she’d cope with 4 kids, let alone whether she’d make a good mother.

I don’t give a hoot at what happened to her or her day. She is verbally abusing a toddler and she is
the grown up here.

If she behaves like that in front of other people, go figure what she does behind doors.

I totally agree with you.

It's not a subject we like to converse about, but I believe it's an important topic.

We treat children with such lack of disregard as a society as it is.

In any other area of life we have significant training, support, developmental opportunities, reasonable/good work conditions, financial support, when undertaking such big tasks and responsibilities.

But in rasing children, we go in completely empty handed, there's tools and studies to understand and support child development and notice the errors and progression over the centuries and years.

Society causes such issues around children, childcare, working, parenting etc etc.

It's no easy feat at all.

The only solution I see is universal basic income to provide that initial buffer, therefore getting people out of poverty, enabling means of support, etc etc but that's a whole different frustrated rant.

I knew what my mum did to me when we got home from a very similar situation.

I also knew I'd been on the receiving end of providing support to someone in a similar situation.

But, you keep going off on how I'm the bad guy here for pointing out such flaws in society.

Thank you!

Appreciate your comments, also! This thread is too fast to keep up with, lol.

How would you have felt as a child if an outsider came over and showed you some support?
Or had a word with your mother, about her behaviour towards you
You'd never forget them

The trouble is op where do u draw the line? Do we have to be perfect all the time?

I - not very often but very occasionally- snap at my kids. I'm human. So I suppose if you saw me at a glance in that situation you'd think I shouldve stopped at 1 and why did I have 2 etc. Your logic is a bit of a slippery slope.

Of course there are; I grew up in one of them.

This OP is so smug and self-congratulatory about her superior family planning. It could have been worded totally differently and the responses might have been directly related to the subject matter.

In hindsight ..
Do you feel good about the decision you made today ?

plenty of people in the world who shouldn’t have kids full stop but they do

Well I hope you reported her.

I can see where OP is coming from , because I am very close to someone in a similar situation. Struggled with one for various reasons, went for the second and struggled even more to the point of a breakdown. None of the reasons before ameliorated or changed. Now she has a third and once again she's struggling massively , can't cope and the older two are paying the price. While I am and have been supportive for years, I can't help wonder... why?!?

Report it to who? Neither the police or SS would be able to do anything until she shows up to AE with the kid with broken bones three times in a year.

Yes, I don't believe I've done anything wrong apart from vent my frustrations.

I believe most can understand and provide respectful responses back, a select few, yourself included, are providing quite personal and bordering/insulting comments to myself.

You're either not reading or just simply not understanding what I'm trying to say.

Certainly not, but as the train journey escalated, the more wept out. I think there's a vast difference between being 'perfect' and verbally abusing/threatning a child?

The other children joined in?

As though it is the babies fault?

Obviously my view is of a snippet, I'm not stating its not, my comment wasn't directly to her but an overall view of why the situations continue and how to provide actual support.

This thread is pure poison.

Just an excuse to judge, judge and judge some more. I don’t believe for a second OP was genuinely worried for the children. The bit about the potential smack was a shameless (made-up) drip-feed.

OP’s early comments accusing people of secretly being abusers were beyond the pale.

If anyone dares to suggest that this was just a snapshot (true) or that the family might be having a really bad day (possible), they’re accused by a snide OP of being a shit parent who probably hits their kids.

Reminds me of nothing so much as The Crucible tbh. As long as you’re the one pointing the finger, you’re ok.

Thank you!

She probably would never have forgotten the abuse her mum gave her when they got behind closed doors either.

If a parent is willing to be abusive in public then they will be the same or worse at home. And they don't suddenly realise the error of their ways because someone spoke to them about it, they just label that person as an interfering cow who should keep her nose out.

She says the baby has embaressed her for being fussy...id be more embaressed that i spoke like that in public to a baby that cant communicate 😭😭

I can't relate i guess though (only have one, i find that hard enough 😅) , but i generally feel embaressement more so at my own reactions then others..as my reactions are the only ones i can control.