To think if you can't handle the children you've got you should stop having kids?

[Absolutelybloomingflabbergasted]

I know this is subjective but, I wanted 3 kids and knew after 1 I wouldn't be able to handle a younger child and balance life effectively.

I'm sat on the train, and, this isn't the first occurrence.

A mother with 4 children, shouting at her baby, telling her she's naughty because she's upset and being a normal baby.

Yes, we all get stressed but she's blatantly lying to her, saying she needs to shut up as the train guards coming and doesn't want to hear her racket, threatening to throw her dummy in the bin for being bad. Saying she never should of taken them out, 'especially her' 'she's too bad to take out and always does this, she never learns and neither do I, next time she's staying home'

I understand parenthood is stressful, but now all the other kids are shouting at this poor child, who is still in a pram and looks no older than 1.5

I found toddlerhood the most stressful.

I understand pregnancy and children come unexpectedly but, I see this very frequently in my area, which is very poverty striken and there is not a great deal of support.

I feel so upset for this child.

I'm sick of seeing people having more children then they are phyiscally able to and then pretty much abusing them.

I came from a household that did similar and refuse to do this to not only myself but my children.

I know this will likely be conflicting but, I believe behaviour is echoed from the role model or parent, in general but especially in this case.

It makes me so sad.

I have one child, will not have any more, and am not verbally abusive to her. I just think you could have supported her instead of batching about it.

I literally want to cry when I see mums being horrible to their kids in that way. There’s no misunderstanding, she’s clearly a horrible person.

Once I called out a mum for swearing at her children. It was an accident - I was so affected by it it just came out of my mouth. As I was saying it I thought oh crap, I’m going to get a mouthful.. she actually went bright red and apologised and carried on eating in silence.

Usually my heart just breaks for them. Worse is when you can tell they think all the other adults agree with them and they’re actually showing off to everyone how mouthy they can be to their children 😮

Bullying your own flesh and blood that you chose to create.. you might as well wave a flag that says “I’m an idiot!”

I feel like I've read this exact OP before

This has hit the nail on the head. That woman op say was probably a shit mother to numbers 1, 2 and 3 . Baby number 4 didn't transform her over night

People on here will accuse you of being judgmental and say all sorts of things to defend this sort of behaviour OP. But who wouldn't feel disturbed at seeing children treated this way? I'm from a deprived area where this is sadly something you see a lot of, and the kids will be treated like that all the time. I grew up very poor so I know all about how hard and unfair life can be etc, but that's not an excuse for mistreating your kids. If anything it should be an incentive to do better than your parents could.

I feel having another child, my DC is just about to go to school. I would be struggling with sleep, I would be struggling with managing a routine alongside another baby, working full time etc.

It's just not doable for me now. I had PND with my DC, due to my upbringing which was a big feat and I struggled at times. I can't imagine how that would be withbanother child or multiple wanting and desiring more than I can give.

Therefore, I feel its beneficial, for me, at least to stop at one and not put myself under the added extra stress which may be overwhelming and a choice I couldn't return back on.

This isn't just about people struggling with multiple children, this is directly abusing your children in public for your additional stress and choices of having another child.

As I've stated, I'm not perfect, I recognise that! I don't believe any parent is perfect but there's no excuse for doing this to a young baby, who is innocent in all of this.

I agree with you. People need to start thinking about their limits and not allow themselves to feel shame or guilt for stopping at one or having none. If you can be a better parent to one then that's great. We have one five year old and it's only now I feel I have the mental and physical capacity to try and add to our family. For a long time I was certain we were one and done, but now I feel I have the capacity to manage another. If we end up with only our DD I will still feel completely blessed and lucky.

As others have said you’ve seen a snippet, I’ve certainly felt like this on a day out with my four although maybe not voiced it out loud😆 maybe she’s worried about what other people think ( there are some very judgey people) and she’s saying this for the benefit of others not realising it’s making her look worse if you see what I mean.
give her a break.

Okay, then let's not state that it's my responsibility and fault for not supporting her when she should have a better control of her actions and behaviour.

Most instances I have witnessed are from people who you genuinely wouldn't want to approach and offer support through fear yourself!

I don't understand why I'm the one at fault.

I haven't described in detail, said what train, our area , our time.

It was an observation I've had numerous times and felt strongly about previously. This one got to me more and I thought I'd question it.

There's very conflicting views it seems.

So, you've been this verbally abusivecto your children in public?

It’s the only power some women have. Crap life crap relationship no job or prospects but you can create a life and that’s pretty amazing They’ll need them and might be the next BGT winner or invent the next life changing health intervention.

I agree this is abuse and it's awful. I don't think anyone disagreed with that?

I just don't agree that you can know this is related to her having four children. Unless you knew her when she had two kids and she was lovely.

Things change though and you don't know this women's circumstances. As far as you know she was happy and coping and then the kids dad died and she's ok her own and she's not coping, or any number of circumstances that could have changed how well she is coping with motherhood. Impossible to comment on her decision to have more children based on this small snap shot you have witnessed .

It's really odd to me that you're witnessing this abusive situation and made it all about the number of kids she has, rather than the abuse itself.

I can see this is triggering for you but your responses aren't coming across as rational either tbh.

Are you doing OK op? Genuine question. Has this brought up some stuff you're struggling to deal with?

Thank you for genuinely understanding my post!

I feel there should be way more support for parents, especially in such areas, there just isn't and unfortunately the statistics show a higher rate of abuse.

I know what you mean, I try to be balanced when I witness situations, but with the best will in the world we all form judgments at times. And formed judgments are accurate at times.

I was in a shop not too long ago when a woman was very loudly screaming at one of her children all the way to the till. Calling her a stupid 💩, telling her to just wait until she gets home, gesturing as if to punch her, and saying she was getting no food that night. Her demeanour told me she would follow that through. It still haunts me months later. No one challenged the woman as she was so aggressive and intimidating. So upsetting to witness and it left me feeling guilty.

@Justcallmebebes

Aww bless ya

Really appreciate your comment.

It has gotten to me, it's clear that's the case I'm my responses.

I think it can happen with any amount, but my personal experience I believe has triggered this especially regarding the number of children.

My DM kept having more and more and the children suffered. Obviously I love my DS but I wish she had understood her limits and not subjected us all to it.

Anyway, I think I should come off of here as, I feel my comment and question has upset others.

Oh look it's another AIBU poster who doesn't want to hear that she's BU when people give her the other point of view.
This isn't a wank circle OP. If you didn't want other points of view you should have posted in "I am being 100% reasonable everyone must agree with me" AKA Facebook. 🤷‍♀️

Quite!

Sadly its the only way she knows how to parent, and those kids will go on to be the same.
More support is definitely needed, a lot of people really are struggling.

Why are you excusing terrible parenting? How is what the OP described in anyway excusable? I have 4 children including a toddler and would never ever talk to any of them that way, no matter what terrible thing had happened to me. It's appalling and heartbreaking to think that that's probably the tip of the iceberg.

That's understandable op.

I know sometimes I can witness something that others may simply find worthy of raising their eyebrows about, and I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach due to past trauma.

It sounds like you're a great mum, and that's something to take solace in. You can't control what happened to you and you can't control what's happening in the family on the train, but you're using your experiences to give your little lad the best life, and that's not easy, and something you should be proud of.

Probably a good idea to hide the thread, we all need a vent sometimes though.

Reasons why people aren't being your echo chamber.

1. You witnessed abuse and didn't report
2. Your more concerned about the number of children she has then the facts she's abusive
3. You'd rather bitch about her on mumsnet then actually stop it (ie report or document, probably wise not to get involved)
4. You're accusing people of being child abusers just because they are disagreeing with your stance

Hth

At first I was going to say “it’s just a snap shot, could be a bad day etc” but that sounds horrible, downright abusive. She was possibly just as bad with the first child though!

One rule I have with my two is that if I have to pull up one of them on something, the other one does not ever join in.