To think if you can't handle the children you've got you should stop having kids?

[Absolutelybloomingflabbergasted]

I know this is subjective but, I wanted 3 kids and knew after 1 I wouldn't be able to handle a younger child and balance life effectively.

I'm sat on the train, and, this isn't the first occurrence.

A mother with 4 children, shouting at her baby, telling her she's naughty because she's upset and being a normal baby.

Yes, we all get stressed but she's blatantly lying to her, saying she needs to shut up as the train guards coming and doesn't want to hear her racket, threatening to throw her dummy in the bin for being bad. Saying she never should of taken them out, 'especially her' 'she's too bad to take out and always does this, she never learns and neither do I, next time she's staying home'

I understand parenthood is stressful, but now all the other kids are shouting at this poor child, who is still in a pram and looks no older than 1.5

I found toddlerhood the most stressful.

I understand pregnancy and children come unexpectedly but, I see this very frequently in my area, which is very poverty striken and there is not a great deal of support.

I feel so upset for this child.

I'm sick of seeing people having more children then they are phyiscally able to and then pretty much abusing them.

I came from a household that did similar and refuse to do this to not only myself but my children.

I know this will likely be conflicting but, I believe behaviour is echoed from the role model or parent, in general but especially in this case.

It makes me so sad.

OMG don't be so dramatic and over-the-top!

Yes it's not great but she's probably not an axe murderer!!!

She didn't need you looking down your incredibly judgey nose at her.

That's the thing isn't it.
No one knows each other or the situations others are in.

Someone may have been in the train judging you for not stepping in not knowing your background and the reasons why you didn't. .

I safeguard children for my job, so yes from my point of view I feel defensive when people witness this type of thing and do nothing.

If the train was full like you say, a lot of people witnessed this and did nothing,

And that is what is shocking to me in this scenario, personally.

You have no idea of my personal experiences and reasonings, its not being dramatic, ive been in situatuons where I've attempted to support the wrong people and I've been verbally abused or to extremes of being physically assaulted.

Please don't try and push your view and belief onto me.

It's funny to see the poll and the small minority who agree with such behaviour and can excuse it and turn their comments to be insulting...

She didn't need you looking down your incredibly judgey nose at her
What does that mean, exactly? Are you suggesting that op has somehow made this woman's life harder?
Why are you so keen to defend this sort of parenting?

And I have worked and still do work in similar roles myself.

So please, tell me, if I called and said this situation, if you do, really do this role, how you would of identified her?

How my interaction couldn't possibly have a negative impact on myself or the children once they got home?

You're point is fuelled on defense, I don't know why, I don't know you, but you're justifying this and at the same time, blaming me?

Why is that?

@fuckityfuckityfuckfuck @SpeedyDrama

You really couldn't be further from the truth.

How on earth people can excuse a woman shouting at and threatening to hit an 18mo?

They’re still on the cusp of baby/toddler at that point. They’re not yet capable of being naughty for naughty’s sake. How sad for that poor poppet.

It's not about the behaviour. It's about your stinking attitude to this woman. You don't know what pressure she may be under - it's clearly an area of some level of deprivation. God only knows how she was raised, whether she had any good behaviour modelled to her, whether she got a decent education, whether she has a secure home to live in, whether she has an abusive or coercive partner.

She sounds to me like she needs help and support, and no, not from you. I feel sorry for her and her children, and the lives they may be leading, and all you can do is sit in your superiority looking down your nose at her. That's horrible.

@Absolutelybloomingflabbergasted what you heard is absolutely horrible , poor child 😫. I think there can be awful parents of one kid or two etc. You mentioned the area you live there’s a high level of poverty, this can obviously be adding massive stress to people in that area. It is such a shame there isn’t more support and outreach there .
There are many reasons someone might have more kids than they can handle , it isn’t always straightforward as not thinking it through etc .
Do you ever notice happy families of several kids . I have three and they are like a little team , they get on v well and although can fight they are 💯 there for each other. What they gain from having each other is more than what they get from us. I would never speak to them like that woman, I know loads of people with several dcs and they are also fantastic parents and their dcs benefit hugely from having siblings. I know a parent here with one dc and the level of intensity towards her dc is weird and totally suffocating. I can see it’s too much for her dc tbh . But that’s one person so not at all indicative of other parents of one dc , what you heard is awful but is not the norm.

Did you actually read my post at all? Or the updates?

My point is, why have more? Surely...?

I saw a mum.of two I knew shouting at her kid in a pram to "sit back in your Fxxking pram or I will knock you back in" shitty parents are shitty parent regardless of how many kids possibly due to shitty rolemodles when they was growing up.

You could have one kid and not cope. It's not the number of kids. I found one as hard at 4 at times.

I am not pushing anything on you. I couldn't care less about your personal experiences and reasonings, any more than you care about this woman and child.

I am commenting on a post you made on an open forum which I think is ridiculous.

And there's nothing funny about this thread. It's mean-spirited. You couldn't care less about that child, you just want to make yourself look good - you are doing the opposite.

You really are being ridiculous, @Canthave2manycats
Shame on you.

And I guess that's my point. I understand its not as simple as that in reality.

It's just a shame that more kids and kids get born but not into better situations.

Certainly, there's so many factors for it.

It's just shit.

Please quote the poster who said this was acceptable, because I must have missed it?

I see this a lot, and it makes me feel so sad for the kids. You can see the never-ending circle of sadness.

It's hard not to judge this stuff, especially when we all know there's studies and reports about ACES and stuff.

And I'm supposed to believe you're a caring person?

All you're doing is being disrespectful and abusive?

And, I'm the bad person here?

Just to point out, just as you had a snapshot of this woman's behaviour, you are givnig posters a snapshort of yours, and you aren't coming off well!

Are you trying to talk to a mirror?

The irony! 😂

You don't have to believe anything. I am stating the truth. I don't know you and you don't know me, I couldn't care less.

I just find your manner of posting about this family quite odious,

Keep digging.

I have heard some awful stuff over the years, I come from an area with some very rough bits, and have heard some awful shouting and threats over the years (I'll belt you, you'll feel the back of my hand, you little bitch, hissing at the kids). Many children live substandard lives and are parented in a substandard way. It's not about poverty necessarily, just some people aren't very good at parenting. I know a teen at the moment whose parents neglect him who have quite a lot of money, but they don't care, they threaten a lot, and they don't do the things other parents do (support, offer financial support when possible, encourage, praise, just normal stuff).

Now, I wouldn't say this lady is a bad parent based on one train ride, because going on a train with four kids is stressful and can lead you into being not your best self. It's also clear if you find parenting stressful it'd be better to have one or two and stop there and people don't and then find their lives worse.

It's awful to see and less common now I think, we used to live on an estate where people regularly called their kids a little shit or swore at them all the time! According to Mumsnet, swearing is fine now anyway, and an opportunity to expand the vocabulary but funnily enough this wasn't the effect it had on those children.

I think unless they are hitting them in public, it's very difficult to intervene, hitting is not illegal anyway as it happens (unless it leaves a mark/on the face or whatever). Awful.

How can you state the truth but then state you don't know me?

I'm sorry, but, are you alright?

I find adults threatening small children odious. Commenting on it, less so although it won't change anything, it's just an outlet for the stress of having seen it.