…or is my childminder?

[Childminderwoes]

DS is 10 months and started with a childminder 6 weeks ago. 2 days a week so I can get various things done before my maternity leave ends in March, and full time hours when I go back.

He has a drop off/pick up time as you would expect but she’s very very very rigid about this. And will message to complain if you’re not there at the exact minute because she has other drops offs 5 minutes either side of his slot. To the extent where she’s messaged to complain about him being dropped off 2 or 3 minutes before or after his set time.

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off, so she can come outside to collect him, and is very firm about this, and will again text if I forget to remind me for next time.

She wants him to be in the buggy at every drop off to minimise his distress at being ‘handed over’ which I understood for the first few weeks but it’s become a real pain getting the buggy out of the car, setting it up and strapping him in just to wheel him down her driveway.

She’s really lovely but after 5 weeks all of it is getting a bit much. I thought by now I would be able to just hand him over, as you would expect mornings are a bit mad as I also have a 4 year old to get to school. All these extra caveats are starting to grate on me a little.

To add to this I’m not too sure about his meals. He has lunch at hers, but never what I would call a proper lunch - the diary entry says things like bread sticks, toast, pouches, fruit. I suppose I expected he would have something a bit healthier and hot.

Is this normal for a childminder?

If that’s what she’s like with you. What’s she like with noisy excited kids.

it sounds incredibly stressful

so many questions who is watching her other kids while’s she’s out with you.

how long has she been child minding ? Did you check her refs ?

I couldn’t leave baby their listen to your guy

DD1 went to a child minder and it was nothing like this. We could do drop off from 7:30 until 9. No school run but she used to take the children out around 9.
We could pick up at anytime too, although we tried to stick to 5. Only had to call if she wasn't going to be in.
Cooked lunch every day, never had to provide a pushchair or car seat.
I don't like the idea of not starting the day with a cuddle. Leaving him strapped in a pushchair is weird.
Personally I'd find someone else.

Such rigidity around timing is anything but reasonable!!!

I don't think you understand the OP.

Thanks bonkers. Our CM had drop off time between 7:45 and 08:30 as after that she was doing the school run. And she had her own buggies so never wanted ours etc.

Of course you can't be late but expecting. An exact arrival within 2 mins seems very Hyacinth Bucket!

@Childminderwoes get rid - this isn't working for you.

Yeah I'd be looking for another one to be honest.

My childminder is nothing like this, sounds odd to me and I wouldn’t be very happy if all my little one was fed was essentially snacks and pouches. I’d look around for someone else. The buggy thing also sounds weird mines never asked anything like that, they have their own buggies I wouldn’t really want to load mine into the car and leave it with them everyday.

Sounds like she put these measures in place during Covid and is either germ phobic or enjoyed the power so has kept them going. This is not normal but is maybe her ‘new normal’. Find someone else, the food is a big issue too.

It’s not ‘stealing her time’ if she’s late and pays from the point that she was supposed to drop off. Conversely, she’s doing herself out of paid for tine that she is not using.

No 😂 I haven't minded for 4 years now and when I was minding I was a really relaxed home from home childminder about most things which is why parents liked me.

But I do have childmidners friends who have far more rigid set ups with times drop offs. I understand why. In my experience of childminding parents often take the piss if you give them a little leeway, which I used to just take on the chin but I can understand how annoying and often disruptive it is. My friend runs a pretty strict with parents childminding business. I sent my kids there for a while. It's basically if your late at all you get late charges and she wouldn't accept children until the time they started on the contract. I just made sure I was early. It's not that difficult and it works for my friend. She has a wait list so it doesn't seem to put many people off.

Former childminder here - if you have the max children you’re allowed under Ofsted/safeguarding rules having a clear/timed routine is important, especially if you are doing (multiple) school drop offs. However, this has to be balanced against the needs of the individual children - and having the children dropped in a rush by stressed and anxious parents is an absolute no-no. Hand over, and the period up to hand over should be calm and positive.

If you’ve tried explaining how counter-productive her and she’s not taken it on board, you might need to look for a new CM - there are loads of lovely ones about!

I can see both sides, but still, I find it odd.

This seems ridiculous... I can drop off at my childminders from 8 am, tends to be around 10 past 8, however yesterday I dropped at 8.30 because I was off work (but had an appointment) I usually message her to let her know if I'm going to drop off later than my usual time but its not an issue. There are two of them though as she has an assistant, so one to do the school run which would makes things easier. She did have to tell me once when DH was picking up 5.30 on the dot (finishes 5.30) sometimes a few minutes late which DH was told about and has had to make sure he's out of work on time and DH does have form for running late! Since then no issues as DH now works 8-4 so plenty of time to get them. With the pushchair, I'd be worried she was leaving him in it for a while after drop off... or maybe that's me over thinking! Lunch can vary between hot (fish fingers/pasta/chicken and veg) to cold food like sandwiches... she does a good variety)

Just going to add - meals with me were always cooked, proper meals with fresh veg/salad and fruit plus pasta, rice or potato with some sort with a protein. I don’t know any childminder/nanny that would only offer ‘finger food’ unless it was for an outing/garden picnic.

You should be able to see a ‘day book’ with a note of what’s been offered, how many nappy changes, activities done (walks etc) and access to pictures of activities during the day (photos of DS playing etc).

It can take many months for a baby to settle in at a daycare setting.

I'm wondering if she keeps him in the buggy because he coped better at drop off and then she'll soon be heading off on the school run after a couple of others have been dropped off?

Perhaps having him already in the buggy means that she doesn't have a battle getting him in it when she's under pressure to get others to school.

The texting two minutes before is off.

I'd just ask for her reasoning behind those two things.

I’m a childminder and only offer finger food for lunches 👍🏼 for everyone, my own children and me included. I personally think it’s weird to have a hot meal for both meals of the day!! Everyone gets a hot meal for dinner, although when my own kids start school and have a hot meal at lunchtime I often use that as an excuse to give them finger food for dinner when im
not working 😂
conversely I don’t know any childminders who cook two hot meals per day for children, it’s quite the norm round here to have a picky lunch of a sandwich/sausage rolls etc and then to have a main hot meal at dinner time.

If she is that rigid with you, I wonder what she's being like with your child? And are you allowed to come in when you bring him in the buggy or are you not allowed to be in her house? And yeah his meals should be better. I'd start looking for another person before you go back to work

With the food thing - are you really thinking you little one is hungry when he comes home, or do you just have a stereo-typical idea that a "proper meal" should be hot? I imagine the childminder has kids from 9 months-4 years, maybe older in school holidays. She won't want to leave them alone for more than 10 minutes while she gets lunch so the way forward seems to either be cold bits that are prepared before the children arrive, or a single pot, hot meal that can be warmed in a few minutes. With kids who have different likes/dislikes, and maybe even allergies, there maybe be few hot meals that really work for all of them. So, unless you want your kid to play unsupervised for an hour each lunch-time, be grateful! The drop off, the buggy bit is weird but the rest of it good. I bet you have a start time at work, so why shouldn't she? When you just want to tell her something about your kid, or ask her something you are concerned about, do you want her to tell you she hasn't time to talk because another kid is just arriving and she needs to deal with them? No probably not, so the staggered drop off is great too really.

She’s having one meal at the childminders - not two. It should be a ‘proper’ meal. If the child is there for two meals, then, yes, one might be a lighter meal - finger food to encourage self-feeding. When kids start school, they have a cooked mid-day meal at lunch. Even when I only had kids after school for 3 hours and they had had a school dinner, parents expected their children to have had a proper meal.

My lunch provided is only finger food, regardless of how long they are staying. There’s no should about it in my view. Lunch is a light meal, of sandwiches etc. and is never a hot meal at my house. Irrespective of whether your child stays for one or two meals. And on my view, that’s quite normal. I don’t really know anyone who eats a hot lunch. And nobody has ever complained about their kids have sandwiches etc for lunch with me.
the food is not a big a deal as people are making of it…
the rest is weird, and deserves discussion. Serving finger food for lunch is perfectly normal and isn’t something that requires an argument. Plenty of people have a sandwich for lunch.

@BusyMummy001

Sorry but that's rubbish. They will get a cooked meal at home with their parents in the evening. Or they should. A bit of family time.

I'm a cm and we don't do any hot meals here. We're usually out having adventures (which the parents and children (and Ofsted)) LOVE, so it's always packed lunch things here. Healthy packed lunches but never a hot meal.

Just to clarify I don’t mean a full on hot meal. More like soup, beans on toast, jacket potato with tuna or scrambled egg, that kind of thing. A cold lunch would be fine as well if it was a bit healthier - I would be fine with a roll with fruit and cold cooked meat (for example).

She does sometimes do a nice soup, but I’ve just noticed it’s otherwise heavily reliant on toast, bread sticks and a pouch.

Yes, all of the above and I'd include being late too.
I'm surprised you hadn't discussed meals though beforehand.
If you want to try someone else you need to get on it quickly.

No I'm a childminder and feel your not being unreasonable, that's crazy to text 2 mins before drop off and get the car seat out every day! Also food i think you should ask if she has a healthy eating policy

To the minute drop-off is insane. A 5-10 min window is appropriate in my opinion - and if she hasn't factored in a buffer before having to go do a school run, that is her issue. Both of my sons childminders have always been super flexible with drop-off/pickup times, and in return we have been flexible with them when they have parents evenings/appointments/etc. The 2 min texts is also ridiculous.

Also don't like the buggy situation - I've had 1 childminder who took my son in his buggy, and another who used her own as a preference, but neither required him to be strapped in. I would be looking for a new childminder myself.