…or is my childminder?

[Childminderwoes]

DS is 10 months and started with a childminder 6 weeks ago. 2 days a week so I can get various things done before my maternity leave ends in March, and full time hours when I go back.

He has a drop off/pick up time as you would expect but she’s very very very rigid about this. And will message to complain if you’re not there at the exact minute because she has other drops offs 5 minutes either side of his slot. To the extent where she’s messaged to complain about him being dropped off 2 or 3 minutes before or after his set time.

She wants me to text 2 minutes before arrival every time he’s dropped off, so she can come outside to collect him, and is very firm about this, and will again text if I forget to remind me for next time.

She wants him to be in the buggy at every drop off to minimise his distress at being ‘handed over’ which I understood for the first few weeks but it’s become a real pain getting the buggy out of the car, setting it up and strapping him in just to wheel him down her driveway.

She’s really lovely but after 5 weeks all of it is getting a bit much. I thought by now I would be able to just hand him over, as you would expect mornings are a bit mad as I also have a 4 year old to get to school. All these extra caveats are starting to grate on me a little.

To add to this I’m not too sure about his meals. He has lunch at hers, but never what I would call a proper lunch - the diary entry says things like bread sticks, toast, pouches, fruit. I suppose I expected he would have something a bit healthier and hot.

Is this normal for a childminder?

I couldn’t cope with that. It should be ‘drop off between x time and x time’. For example, my childminder lets me drop off between 8am and 9am. No texting to say you’re on your way. The buggy thing is weird and I’d say ‘sorry I forgot it’

But actually it doesn’t sound a good childminder anyway so maybe you could look to change? Check the contract about how much notice you need to give. Tell her why you’re leaving too, she needs to know this is not normal behaviour.

You wouldn’t tolerate this at a nursery so you shouldn’t with a childminder. The pram thing is absolute nonsense, I thought you were walking him there which would then make sense but not driving. She’s insane

She sounds like a nightmare. Can you imagine what she's like when your little precious baby accidentally touches something he isn't supposed to? He can hardly tell you that she shouted or smacked him. I would never leave my child with someone like this. You seem scared of her? Run for the hills. Can't you put your child in nursery. At least you'll know there is more than one person there so hopefully be safer.

Okay, the lunch sounds okay unless you had discussed something else. Depending on how many kids she has/what dietary needs are on, she is going to have an easier time putting out picnic style food than preparing a choice of hot meals to suit. The things you listed are also suitable for most kids to feed themselves without major help, and relatively simple clean up. She can spend more attention on kids than cleaning up gravy or whatever.

Texting before arrival AND having an exact time to arrive are not normal. If she has a 'drop in this window and let me know roughly when' policy then to text and say 'hey, setting off now, will be there in 5' is reasonable so she knows if she's going to have 5 parents all dropping off at once. If she has a time she wants you to drop off at, she doesn't need to be told you will arrive at that time, only that 'we're leaving soon but just had to change junior before we left'

The buggy thing, I'd talk to her. It sounds like an okay policy (on her end) whilst settling in but if your little one is settled, and will happily go to her, no need to add the extra steps. Unless she has a reason (I.e she walks some kids to school and your little one is the only one in buggy so she pushes them and others walk).

Our childminder doesn't even want baby's buggies in her home. She has a triple and a quad buggy, for whatever combination of kids she needs to take out, and having all the buggies belonging to those kids during the day is clutter.

I don't think she's totally unreasonable(except about the 2 minslate thing), I think she's given you some rules without an explanation, and you two should have a conversation about why she has the requirement or that its less convenient for you. She might scrap the buggy policy because little one is settled but you need to talk about it.

If she can't change the policies, it may be time to find a new childminder. They have to be a good fit for your life and not make things more stressful. But make sure when talking to any new ones you discuss all points, like lunches, so you don't have any more assumptions about hot meals that aren't met.

Exactly this. Eyes everywhere and much safer. I bet the childminder ignores him if he cries because she can't handle stress. She sounds awful OP.

OP, this sounds very concerning. Why aren’t you allowed into her home, to the point that you’re not allowed even to ring the doorbell? Why does your child have to arrive strapped in a buggy?

My strong suspicious is that the babies are staying strapped in the buggies. Who knows what else is going on.

Remove your baby straight away and report to Ofsted.

Very odd and impractical having a to the minute drop off and who is watching tiger child/ren in the house if she goes outside to fetch a child? A parent could easily spend a couple of minutes explaining little Johnnie didn’t eat his breakfast so I’ve out a snack in his bag and he’s got a bit of nappy rash starting so can you use the cream I’ve out in his bag etc etc.

It does seem a bit odd to me. If she charges by the hour I can kind of understand a little bit about being early /late etc or if the drop off/pick up coincides with her having to be ready to do the school run or something, but generally I think a rigid time frame is very weird. You might have had a rough morning getting out of the house, traffic might be bad, you might be delayed at work. All these things require a bit of flexibility.

When I was a childminder I asked parents roughly what time they would drop off/pick up so I could plan my day a bit, but if they were going to be early or late I just asked for a quick heads up. I charged by the day so it didn't matter to me if people didn't come exactly on the time they said.

The buggy thing is a massive red flag to me... Did she want the buggy taking into the house with DC in it? Very odd, I would much rather a proper hand over where if DC did get distressed I could comfort them properly. During covid I had a policy that parents handed over at the door and did not come in and that worked really well so it was something I did keep up as it minimised distractions for other DC who may get upset or start playing up.

As for food... Not unusual to have a light snack at lunch though lots do provide a hot meal and a light tea. If she provides a hot tea I wouldn't be too worried, but if that's also a light meal then I wouldn't be happy.

As others have said, go with your gut... If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right for you.

Exactly my thoughts - why doesn’t she want you to see inside ?
I’d be worried my DC was in the buggy for long periods of time.

Mine too. My immediate thought is that she's out of ratio and that's why she doesn't want the parents to know how many other children are there. I'm also worried about how long he's staying strapped in the buggy for.

My first thought at reading your OP is that she is leaving him strapped in his buggy for a long period of time, if not all day.

An exact minute is ridiculous. A window, and never arriving before your drop off window or after your pick up window is definitely more sensible and customary. Insisting on a buggy handover is also unreasonable.

You should also expect a proper meal at some point during the day for your child, not just snack bits.

Every single thing seems to be about her convenience, not yours, and you're paying her for the privilege. I would be looking elsewhere.

That would not be a match for me!

My childminder provided snacks, not lunch. I preferred it as I could plan his lunch around what we'd be having for dinner and I knew I was in control of keeping the balance. I wouldn't necessarily expect a hot meal, if she has different ages (stages of weaning), dietary requirements etc that could add considerable time to her working day.. you wouldn't want her doing it when caring for your child after all.

The rest though... she wouldn't have been for me. Mine only asked that children were there before 9.30 as they went out most days!

How does pick up work?

If you have to text your arrival and DC is wheeled out to you, I'd be very concerned and imagine, like previous posters have said, he's in that chair throughout the day.

I'd move him and report to ofstead.

I'm a childminder. If she is on a tight schedule for school run or activities, then it could make children late for school, etc if drop off times noted in the contract aren't respected. I would expect a text if running very late, otherwise no, but all parents know my schedule before they sign the contract. If I have an appointment, or another change to usual schedule or the parents do, it's agreed with as needs be (and if possible). A small minority of parents take the piss and turn up noticeably early or late. Maybe this is why she is rigid over times? I'd ask why.

For the lunches, no way. Proper cooked food, as little processed as possible.

And I provide pushchair/car seat for our days and only want pushchair if someone else is collecting child. I can't safely store 2 extra pushchairs! A hug and 'have a nice day' from the parent are so important before leaving the child. All parents take their children into the house and we do a proper handover, I ask if child had a good night and tell parent what we'll be doing (and eating). It's so much nicer for us all. And the same in reverse in the evening.

agree - something doesn’t sit right here. I wonder how many other children she minds and if their parents have to work by the same rules

For drop off at nursery I would walk my child in, settle them with a toy, give them a cuddle and a kiss goodbye. I wouldn't leave my child somewhere if I couldn't see the environment.

You need to go right back to interview time. Did you explain clearly what YOUR expectations are, what you expect her to cook for lunchtime, etc.

It is difficult to find good child carers, and it seems some people just pick anyone who seems 'nice'- and perhaps 'cheap' (comparatively) - and not interview properly with clear expectations. The of course, things get complicated. Is she qualified, has she got experience, does she receive a proper salary and is legally registered, etc, etc.? So many questions here.

This sounds incredibly controlling and I would also worry if he was being left in the buggy for periods. I would definitely be looking for a new CM.

That's insane, no way I would leave my child in that sort of set up, how can anyone arrive on an exact minute with traffic and maybe a dirty nappy as you go out the door.. pulling over to find a doddee.. etc etc. And he should be getting some proper food!

Definitely not normal. Sometimes no matter how hard you try you will be 5 minutes late with traffic etc and the getting the buggy out is total madness and sets alarm bells of to me.

I used a childminder for years for my younger DC. Drop of times were set but if I was a minute or two late there was no issue. I wasn't ever late for pick up out of respect. I provided packed lunches as that was the normal though I think she did offer hot meal lunches at an additional charge. There was the odd occasion she would meet me on her drive and pop DC in her buggy as she was walking to the park or something.

She's far too rigid with timings. I wonder if the child being in the buggy and wheeled into the house means she doesn't have to watch them until all the other children have arrived - a sort of restraint which isn't on.
Also, giving you all specific times to drop off and pick up is actively making sure you don't meet other parents. Why? That seems odd.
And lunch. I would have expected the children to have a nice healthy meal at a table to help with social and motor skills development in this area. All the things you describe are like snacks rather than an actual meal. Cheaper and easier to prepare.
If you're in England, check out her Ofsted report.
Honestly though, I'd be looking for different childcare for my wee one. There are too many things concerning you to keep your child there.

God no! Our childminder enhances our lives, she’s doesn’t add to our stresses.

You need to find another one I’m afraid.

Couldnt agree more. Nurseries are a much better option