AIBU to think DH should sleep with me when we have a guest?

[Pinkswans]

We have a four bed house and two children. One is 6 months and still sleeps with me, the other has his own room.

We have two big rooms with double beds in and DH and I have one each, due to snoring and bad backs and so on. That’s fine, but when we have guests. DH sleeps on the sofa downstairs. AIBU to think he should sleep with me and the baby?

What’s his reason for sleeping on the sofa??

I don’t necessarily think he should sleep with you, can you not have a pull out bed under the child’s bed?

Are you concerned the guests might think you're not having sex anymore?

Do you not value sleep when also wrangling your DM/MIL?

You've still got a second spare room - maybe he's saving them from his snoring as well as you and the baby?

Why on earth should he?

Are you concerned about saving face? YABVVVVVU.

Does the baby sleep in bed?

Can he not sleep in baby’s room?

Presumably he thinks everyone will get more sleep this way otherwise he wouldn't have chosen sofa over bed? I don't really see the problem?

Why?

Is he not doing it it be kind? Wish my DH would sleep on the sofa when he’s snoring.

Are you worried about what guests think? Just explain he snores..

He should sleep wherever he will get the most sleep. Some might find couch to uncomfortable others might find sleeping in with baby and snoring worse. As long as not asking guests to sleep on the couch then i don't see why it matters.

How much sleep do you think he's likely to get in a bed with a baby and another adult when that isn't his usual arrangement? YABU. Even more so, if it's because you want to save face. Ridiculous.

Rightly or wrongly I would also want him to do that. We all make a bit of effort to act normal when we have guests, then relax into our eccentric or (in my case) slovenly ways once they leave.

Up to him surely!

If he was saying he wouldn’t give up his space for the guests or that you had to sleep on the sofa I’d have sympathy but in this case he’s the one being accommodating already

Why? You sleep apart for a reason.

I think I’d be the same
but then I care way too much what people think

Wait but you have 4 rooms, so why would he need the sofa? Room 1 - you and baby. Room 2 - other child. Room 3 - guests. Room 4 - DH?

Because you're embarrassed that people might talk?

Just tell them to listen to him snore and then say "so see why baby can't be around that?" And laugh

DH and I have one each, due to snoring and bad backs

Who is the snorer? Is he trying to save you from his snoring or himself from yours?

I wouldn't want DH on the sofa when we have guests as I'd worry that the guest would feel awkward and like they're putting us out too much by taking his bed (unless it was DH's mum). I'd also probably feel quite sad if my DH couldn't stand one or two nights sharing a bed, what do you do on holiday? do you get separate bedrooms even then? Or when you stay at other people's houses, do they offer you two rooms?

What's your logic here as to why he's being unreasonable?

If people know you are co-sleeping with your baby, then adding a 2nd adult to the bed could make that less safe for the baby.

If people don't know you're co-sleeping then I understand if it might look odd for him to be on the sofa rather than in bed with you.

But, if you are generally happy with the separate sleeping arrangements then why is it anyone else's concerns? If they're staying over, chances are your visitors are close enough to love you and know your circumstances. So why are you worried about keeping up appearances?

I don’t care what guests think. It’s more because he feels a long way away - obviously he isn’t but if I did need him for something I’d have to go downstairs and get him and given that mostly I would need him for a child related thing that would mean leaving them. It just means I’m the sole adult up there so any wakings fall to me. And I do most of them anyway it just annoys me that it’s assumed I will!

I’m not co sleeping with the baby by the way, she is in a bedside cot.