AIBU to think DH should sleep with me when we have a guest?

[Pinkswans]

We have a four bed house and two children. One is 6 months and still sleeps with me, the other has his own room.

We have two big rooms with double beds in and DH and I have one each, due to snoring and bad backs and so on. That’s fine, but when we have guests. DH sleeps on the sofa downstairs. AIBU to think he should sleep with me and the baby?

On the odd occasion that they have visitors and the odd time the toddler wakes on those times.....

does he never help at night with baby?!

No you are not being unreasonable ♥️

YABU. We have separate Rooms too. I wouldn’t sleep with him unless it was absolutely unavoidable; neither of us get any rest for similar reasons you’ve listed. Why subject yourself to that just because you have guests?

Agree with you

Firstly if that is your sitting room, assuming you don’t have more than one, not great for guests if he’s sleeping in there, they might not want to be confined to their bedroom

Secondly for reasons in your update…do have a baby monitor so he can at least still hear and be responsible for the 3 year old if they wake up?

If he sleeps in a separate room normally, why would he sleep with you when you have guests? The normal conditions still apply… It sounds like you’re worried what the guests will think… Well sod them… You have to do what works for you. If it’s a case of the lounge is a mess and it’s a hassle making the bed up, well that’s something else entirely…

So you have 4 bedrooms, 3 in use and a spare. But your husband sleeps on the sofa when you have guests? Why? Why not in the bedroom he normally sleeps in??

Maybe your DH wants to sleep on the couch to escape from nighly child-related duties for a few nights. I know mine would.

Any chance he’s embarrassed by his snoring and wants to stay out of the way? Plus, you said he’s loud, how much sleep do you think you’ll get if he’s in the same bed?

Clear out bedroom 4 and let him wrangle the kids, job done.

It's unclear what your concern is. Your night will run as normal. It won't affect you. If your concerned he'll have a rough night or ruin your sofa could your 2nd child join you and lil one and your husband have their bed?
Surely your husband knows what he wants.

I think most people jumped to that assumption as it seemed like a concern about your husband and intimacy. But you’ve mainly said about him not being able to help. Is your relationship in a good place? Feels like you want a nanny, not a husband.

Don’t we all 6 months post partum, Red, don’t we all!

So what did he say when you asked him whether he would sleep with you on those occasions so he wasn't too far away to help with the kids? I can't seem to find that in any of your posts.

I would have the 3 of you in each room, and the guest on the sofa and explain no spare room as DH snores

In private you're both happier sleeping in separate rooms. At least one of you wants to be distant from the snorer. Why on earth would you want to put each other through the misery of sharing a bed, and poor sleep, when guests are in the house? And why do you want to share a bed when other people are in the house? And not being funny, but if you're up late socialising and maybe drinking, do you really think both of you should be sharing a bed with a 6 month old? It doesn't sound safest for the child.

Orrrr we stop pretending so other people don’t feel bad for us or think we’re weird etc! If the friends care, they won’t even question it

That whole sleeping in separate bedrooms is completely alien to me !

And not being funny, but if you're up late socialising and maybe drinking, do you really think both of you should be sharing a bed with a 6 month old?

Many posts on this thread have baffled me but this one has lost me.

No one is up late socialising.

No one is drinking.

No one is sharing a bed with a 6 month old. She’s in a cot in my room.

You do know you're allowed to have sex at other times than night time and other places than the marital bed right?

@Pinkswans you haven't said how often this is an issue.

Also, if your options are (1) get no sleep because of the walrus in your bed, or (2) possibly be woken by older child as well as baby but this is by no means certain, why on earth would you not want him to sleep on the sofa?!

Sounds fair, sofa no kids or nice beds plus kids. You could have the sofa option and leave him with the kids and the nice bed maybe?

you are not unreasonable. I’d take the baby and toddler in my bed and then husband could have the child’s bed. No need to sleep on a sofa.

It's awesome. But it doesn't matter if what other people do is alien to you.

Pregnant with my 3rd.
Definitely didn't take 6 months to get back to having regular sex.
I was merely empathising as it's normally hard on a marriage if sex is off the cards/ infrequent