AIBU to think DH should sleep with me when we have a guest?

[Pinkswans]

We have a four bed house and two children. One is 6 months and still sleeps with me, the other has his own room.

We have two big rooms with double beds in and DH and I have one each, due to snoring and bad backs and so on. That’s fine, but when we have guests. DH sleeps on the sofa downstairs. AIBU to think he should sleep with me and the baby?

I'm assuming one is for the elder child.

But if op explicitly says there are four bedrooms, and that not all are being used as a bedroom, it's pretty reasonable to ask the question why nobody will sleep in the fourth. It doesn't need to be a double room to be more comfortable than the couch!

Surely if the baby sleeps in your room and wakes up in the night, you would deal with them anyway?

How often do you have guests over?

Why not just take in turns sleeping on the sofa?

That way you’ll both be the ones having to get up in the night and lying in in the morning.

I'm not sure you have read what I've written. If the 4th is kitted out as a nursery in prep for the baby, the husband isn't going to find sleeping in the cot bed more comfy than the sofa, is he? Of course I'm speculating but there are many reasons why a 4th bedroom might not actually have an adult human sized bed it in

Sorry but as a guest I would find this really strange. I would assume you were on the verge of separating. Very judgey I know, but I'm sure a lot of others would think the same.

I would also judge your husband for being downstairs whilst you are upstairs with 2 young children.

I'm definitely in the "act normally around guests" camp.

No real advice sorry, but I misread your post as "when we have a ghost!" 👻

I read what you wrote. And you are right that there are many reasons why it might not be usable as a bedroom.

Which is exactly why I asked the question. To find out. And your speculative response doesn't actually answer it.

So ask OP rather than directing it to me...

😂😂😂😂

That's exactly what I did! I didn't ask you to answer, you jumped in!

Maybe understand what quoting someone does then 🙄🙄🙄

Go back and look.

You started off by quoting me!!

Sorry, you didn't quote me. You responded directly to my question.

I actually think being worried about your guests makes more sense than

if I did need him for something I’d have to go downstairs and get him

Me too. And I can see why it’s upsetting- it’s one thing to sleep separately due to a bad back when the choice is another bed but it’s hard to see how the sofa is a better option.

whose snoring is the issue?

@Pinkswans what is your husband doing ro address his snoring?

It’s me who has the bad back.

The fourth bedroom is absolutely full. It’s DDs room but she isn’t in it yet. There’s no bed and we can’t get one as there’s only space for her cot, not a cot plus a bed.

What we do when guests visit is one of the kids sleeps in with me and DH takes their bed.

I would see him sleeping on the couch as the lesser of 2 evils, surely you would get no sleep if he was snoring in the bed beside you.

alternatively
Take the couch yourself and DP can sleep in your bed/wrangle kids?

Honestly I find it SO weird that anyone would care where anyone else sleeps. Wtf?!

How many times do you have guests that this is a problem?

How many times does the three year old wake? The hypothetical situation of 'what if' is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this scenario

By all means speak to your husband but I'm assuming if he DID sleep in with you he would keep you awake with his snoring? So you're more likely to guarantee a bad night due to that rather than your 3 year old potentially waking up ( which you've said yourself doesn't happen often).

If you don't sleep together, I can't see why that should change just because you have guests. If this is a big issue, then you need to reconfigure the bedrooms in some way to ensure that you can all still sleep in beds. Is it you that consists he goes to a separate room? Or him?

I'm also assuming OP won't take the couch due to her bad back. Which is fine of course but it does reduce her options drastically

Can you not just say ‘I’d rather you were upstairs to help out in case the 3 year old wakes’?

Tell DH to keep his phone on so you can ring him?

Same @PrawnDumplings 😂

It probably isn’t a massive deal but every bit of sleep counts at the moment!

Do you NEVER sleep together even if he goes back to his own bed?