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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DH should sleep with me when we have a guest?

176 replies

Pinkswans · 01/02/2024 09:04

We have a four bed house and two children. One is 6 months and still sleeps with me, the other has his own room.

We have two big rooms with double beds in and DH and I have one each, due to snoring and bad backs and so on. That’s fine, but when we have guests. DH sleeps on the sofa downstairs. AIBU to think he should sleep with me and the baby?

OP posts:
savethatkitty · 02/02/2024 01:45

I'm just amazed you have 2 children with that arrangement

InWalksBarberalla · 02/02/2024 01:51

How often are you having guests that this is an issue? And how big is your house that this is an issue. Just call him to come help.

Ladyj84 · 02/02/2024 02:34

It's not uncommon at all to sleep separately these days. Funny enough at a function last week we and our friends are all in our early 30s and out of around 20 couples only 2 said they still shared a room simply, the rest like me and hubby no sleep means a crappy day. My hubby starts work 5am, we have 3 toddlers. We decided to sleep separately each night he is at work next morning because I was getting so little sleep anyhow with 3 toddlers and then his stupid alarms going off at 4 am ahhhh I couldn't take it no more...so it works for us

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/02/2024 03:43

In this case, he could take his phone with him so you can call him.

kmjlawson1988 · 02/02/2024 04:07

My husband just recently started sleeping in bed with me again and our smallest just turned 18 months. He got his sleep apnea machine fixed and baby is sleeping more now so I’m not as tired and bothered. I’m sure he is thinking that he is being considerate to everyone.

Tumbleweed101 · 02/02/2024 06:22

Could you get a baby monitor for the 3yr old and ask your Dh to take it down with him in case the 3yr old needs anyone in night?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/02/2024 07:20

Personally I’d rather take the risk that I’ll be woken up by a child at some point in the night than put up with horrendously loud snoring - wouldn’t that disturb your sleep and possibly DD’s sleep more?

Anyway, surely an easier solution is that he takes a baby monitor down with him so he can hear if one of the DC has woken up?

Frangipanyoul8r · 02/02/2024 07:50

It doesn’t really matter who sleeps where. What matters is you are both listened to and respected by each other and come to a compromise.

Don’t focus on who sleeps where, focus on the fact you need help with the kids and he wants sleep, then decide together who sleeps where. You have enough rooms to come to a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Frangipanyoul8r · 02/02/2024 07:50

Tumbleweed101 · 02/02/2024 06:22

Could you get a baby monitor for the 3yr old and ask your Dh to take it down with him in case the 3yr old needs anyone in night?

This is a great idea.

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 07:54

Is it an anxiety thing? Are you never alone with the kids? I can’t imagine another reason you’re upset to be upstairs alone with them and panicking you might need help?

location · 02/02/2024 08:08

Put a baby monitor in your son’s room and by the couch then let your husband deal with your son waking etc and you deal with the baby.

MeMySonAnd1 · 02/02/2024 08:23

I am baffled at the responses. I think the most reasonable thing would be for him to stay in your bedroom while there are guests, rather than sleeping in an area that both children and adults, who wake up early or go to bed late, can use.

My MIL is up making coffee at 7, my friend and I can be catching up until the early hours when she visits from abroad. DS used to wake up to watch CBBies at 7. I think having someone sleeping on the sofa does really make things difficult for everyone, it puts the whole house into tiptoeing around him and that’s not fair when there is a bedroom he can sleep in.

doilooklikeicare · 02/02/2024 08:29

Surely during the day both children need attention at the same time, how do you cope then?

YABU.

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 08:32

MeMySonAnd1 · 02/02/2024 08:23

I am baffled at the responses. I think the most reasonable thing would be for him to stay in your bedroom while there are guests, rather than sleeping in an area that both children and adults, who wake up early or go to bed late, can use.

My MIL is up making coffee at 7, my friend and I can be catching up until the early hours when she visits from abroad. DS used to wake up to watch CBBies at 7. I think having someone sleeping on the sofa does really make things difficult for everyone, it puts the whole house into tiptoeing around him and that’s not fair when there is a bedroom he can sleep in.

Edited

You’re baffled a grown man gets to choose where he sleeps. Ok. 😏

MeMySonAnd1 · 02/02/2024 08:38

Jf20 · 02/02/2024 08:32

You’re baffled a grown man gets to choose where he sleeps. Ok. 😏

Show quote history

Yes I am, if he chooses to sleep in an area that makes everyone tip toe around him especially if he wakes up late. Very inconsiderate and selfish from a grown up.

But each to their own…

Diamondcurtains · 02/02/2024 08:51

But if he sleeps with you then neither of you will get sleep if he snores that loudly and he’ll probably disturb the baby too !

TheSquareMile · 02/02/2024 08:54

@Pinkswans

Has he spoken to his GP about the very loud snoring?

rainbowstardrops · 02/02/2024 09:07

Why would you want him sleeping in your bed if his snoring is bad? You would get even less sleep!
Can he sleep in toddler's room on a mattress on the floor? Failing that, I'd put a baby monitor in toddler's room and DH can have the monitor downstairs with him.

LizHoney · 02/02/2024 09:07

Pinkswans · 01/02/2024 09:54

I can’t believe how many of you think I’m worried people will think we don’t have sex! We have a six month old baby and a three year old. We DON’T have sex, or not very often! 😂

Love this!

Waffle19 · 02/02/2024 09:11

Baby monitor in your oldest child’s room, DH takes monitor downstairs with him. You call him on his phone if you need help with baby.

Calliopespa · 02/02/2024 09:18

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/02/2024 09:19

Rightly or wrongly I would also want him to do that. We all make a bit of effort to act normal when we have guests, then relax into our eccentric or (in my case) slovenly ways once they leave.

I think this is probably a very fair - and refreshingly honest - assessment. I remember as a child going for lunch as a family and getting the giggles at the table as their much younger toddler suddenly announced : “ why have we got these little blanket things today?” ( they were table napkins). But I do nonetheless think there’s nothing to be ashamed of in the arrangement and if it helps everyone sleep better…

YouJustDoYou · 02/02/2024 11:13

We cannot share a bed at all (his snoring is epic). Mine also sleeps on the pull out sofa downstairs when we have guests, though I always say I'm more than happy to as well (I really am), but he also likes having the bog tv on down there late at night, so...

doilooklikeicare · 02/02/2024 11:39

@MeMySonAnd1 that's not the issue though, so it's not relevant !

Itsbritneybitch22 · 02/02/2024 12:12

He’s avoiding having to deal with the baby waking up

MeMySonAnd1 · 02/02/2024 14:36

Itsbritneybitch22 · 02/02/2024 12:12

He’s avoiding having to deal with the baby waking up

I thought that would be also the reason…

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