AIBU to think DH should sleep with me when we have a guest?

[Pinkswans]

We have a four bed house and two children. One is 6 months and still sleeps with me, the other has his own room.

We have two big rooms with double beds in and DH and I have one each, due to snoring and bad backs and so on. That’s fine, but when we have guests. DH sleeps on the sofa downstairs. AIBU to think he should sleep with me and the baby?

I think it's up to him where he sleeps. The reasons for not sleeping together don't magically go away with someone else in the house.

But in the interest of fairness, if there are any extra night wakings to deal with whilst you have guests, he does the same number as soon as guests have left (say guests for 3 nights, extra night wakings for 2 of those, @Pinkswans gets 2 nights to sleep alone and dh to deal with all as soon as guests leave).

How often do you have guests staying/how long for for this to be a major problem anyway?!

Ahh I'm sorry about that.
That would make me sad, the lack of intimacy! Hope y'all manage to come back in the swing of things soon.

How about he sleeps downstairs on the agreement that he gets up when first child wakes, he is then on duty downstairs for a couple of hours while you catch up on sleep then he brings you a coffee at 8/9?

My DH sleeps in spare room as well and I encourage this when we have anyone over 😂

@Ohhbaby guessi guessing you've not had children.

I think it's best to avoid sleeping in the public areas when you have guests if possible, to avoid making those guests feel uncomfortable that A. they have taken your bed, and B. that are restricted from using the public areas if they are up first.

I accidentally voted YABU before reading the reasons in the follow-up post, and now I think YANBU. Would your older child be able to sleep with the snoring of DH? If so, is an answer is that DH goes on a mattress in your older kid's bedroom when you have guests?

I'm always surprised when people raise an eyebrow at this kind of thing. DH and I have slept separately for years. We're very happily married. I don't see why sleep and sex have somehow become conflated for people - It's perfectly possible to have a thriving sexual relationship but still go to sleep in separate places (more likely, in fact, given that you might have a chance at not being too sleep-deprived for any activity).

It is a nuisance having someone sleep in the living room, If he insists take the children downstairs in the morning and tell him to sort breakfast for everyone whilst you go back to bed or have a long soak.

Then surely having your heavily snoring dh in bed with you would only make it worse. You will get even less sleep

I said YABU because until your various drip feeds I assumed it was about appearance's sake, or that he could just use the baby's room.

I still think YABU because him being upstairs doesn't seem the only solution to the problem. Couldn't he just bring a monitor down with him and be in charge of the 3yo? I would also suggest you tag team it so with him being downstairs, he will likely be up early and be in charge of guests' breakfast, taking kids etc while you have a slower start in the morning.

You are getting the huge benefit of not having to sleep with his snoring. He will be last to bed and first up. I think this is sleep deprivation talking, and I think the reality of him sleeping in with you likely wouldn't give you the extra sleep you are hoping for.

Baby monitor maybe? As in, the receiver is by the sofa with him, and thd transmitter is with the toddler?

FWIW I can see your point. I fear my OH sharing my room though, because of the snoring 😨I'd much rather do all the night wakings 😂

It wasn’t a deliberate drip feed. I can honestly say it did not cross my mind that the immediate assumption would be that I was worried guests would think we weren’t at it like rabbits I genuinely thought it was obvious that I might need help with children!

If he doesn’t usually then I think it’s strange to expect that he does when guest are there. Perhaps he prefers to sleep alone.

I'm not sure about the maths.
You have 4 bedrooms
There are 2 adults and 2 children,
One child sleeps with one adult, meaning there are 4 bedrooms but only 3 in use.
I understand that only 2 are double, but why can't your DH sleep in the other room if he needs to give up the double?

We have our own bedrooms, mine is a single and his is a double. If mine was needed for guests I would bunk in with him (we do also have a twin/double and a trundle that can go in the office).

So you've got a 3 year old who doesn't wake often and presumably you have guests only sometimes. Why is this such an issue when this rare thing happens when you occasionally have guests?

You're worried about your lack of sleep because he's sleeping down stairs and you might have to wake up to deal with the rare thing.

I don't think it's obvious at all that you'd want him there for help because he doesn't normally help and you said you don't often need it

Why not give him the ‘watching’ end of the baby monitor / camera so you can call to him, or the baby crying will wake him up to come and see if you need help?

you shouldn’t have to deal with both children while he sleeps soundly without a care in the world.

Has he been to see the GP about his snoring?

He may be able to get a referral to a specialist at the local hospital.

I don’t see why you would choose to disturb everyone’s sleep especially when you are hosting people.

why not just give him a ring if you need help from downstairs?

When we have guests I sleep in with my youngest DC rather than my DH. Nothing personal against my DH but he snores like a walrus and thrashes around in bed like mad. My DC is much less trouble to share a room with!

I co slept with my youngest for 2 years. Hubby slept in spare room. God I miss those days..I got muchmore sleep..

If snoring is bad enough that you need to sleep separately, it needs to be discussed with the GP. Snoring can ultimately kill.

I would definitely get a single with trundle- so as the little ones get bigger if you have guests they can either go in together or one of you can stay in their rooms.... we have one and I chuck daddy in their if she is ill (he's stay at home parent) and it's a fab investment!!

Can’t you sleep in the baby’s room (on a pull out bed) and let DH have your room? Can see why he doesn’t want to share with the baby…

The issue sounds more like lack of him pulling his weight than where he sleeps. We've got a 1yo and a just turned 4yo. 1yo wakes 2-3 times a night, 4yo wakes once every few nights. Hubby sleeps in the spare room, I deal with baby and he deals with preschooler. I get the broken nights, so he does breakfast which is usually any time from 5am. If he let me do night wakes and had a lie in at my expense, I'd be livid! We both want more sleep but it feels fair as we each get a block of sleep while the other one takes their turn. If we have guests, hubby either sleeps downstairs on the sofa, or in preschoolers room. Tbh I wouldn't want him with me being woken by baby (or disturbing me with his snoring) as then neither of us would get much sleep and I'd have to have a turn at 5am breakfast shift.

He should be sleeping in your bed and shagging you every night. 3 times minimum.