AIBU to think DH should sleep with me when we have a guest?

[Pinkswans]

We have a four bed house and two children. One is 6 months and still sleeps with me, the other has his own room.

We have two big rooms with double beds in and DH and I have one each, due to snoring and bad backs and so on. That’s fine, but when we have guests. DH sleeps on the sofa downstairs. AIBU to think he should sleep with me and the baby?

For appearance sake you mean? As the actual reasons why yoi don't share a bed remain whether a guest is there or not?

Thank you for replying on behalf of OP, who has now already confirmed that the point you're making is not her reasoning

No, that didn’t cross my mind. I honestly don’t think it would cross my guests’ mind either!

Bur it means if the three year old wakes which doesn’t happen often but Sod’s Law says it does when I’m upstairs just me and the baby and then I end up seeing to the baby then trotting into three year old then back to baby. Then don’t even get to recover the next day as one will wake early while DH snores downstairs.

I don’t care who knows we sleep apart. Anyone who has heard DH snore will sympathise with me anyway!

This would have been helpful in your OP. In which case, does he know this? If he does, then he is being unreasonable. If he doesn't, you need to have a chat because he is probably doing it too logically (ie we don't share a bed well because of bad backs, snoring etc so I'll sleep on the sofa to maintain that) rather than considering what it might mean for you in terms of mental load.

I can’t believe how many of you think I’m worried people will think we don’t have sex! We have a six month old baby and a three year old. We DON’T have sex, or not very often! 😂

Next time tell him that you'll take the sofa and he can look after the kids.

It seems like he's using the guests as a convenient excuse to get out of parenting duties.

If you have even a slight open plan layout I think it's a bit antisocial to sleep on the sofa when you have guests. What if the guest wants to go downstairs to make coffee if they wake up early? They'll have to tip-toe around them. It might also make them feel as if they've kicked out their host and made them sleep on the sofa.

And it's very annoying if the 3 year old wakes up and he sleeps through..!

Agree. Talk to him.

Hahah! Snap 😂

How often are you hosting that this is a persistent issue?

Can he share with the three year old on a mattress? My dh and I sleep apart and I’d hate the idea of having to share just because we have a guest, neither of us would get any sleep! But I know what you mean that with two small children you feel left to it when he sleeps downstairs. But how often do you have guests?

I was beginning to think I was the only one who had noticed this.

I'm still not understanding why he doesn't just sleep in the 4th bedroom 🤷‍♀️

Surely he can sleep where he wants. I really don’t see why you need another adult to be on the same floor as you overnight either.

Bur it means if the three year old wakes which doesn’t happen often but Sod’s Law says it does when I’m upstairs just me and the baby and then I end up seeing to the baby then trotting into three year old then back to baby. Then don’t even get to recover the next day as one will wake early while DH snores downstairs.

But surely if he slept up with you and shared any child care, you'd still be even more tired because you'd get no sleep because of his snoring.

What is in bedroom 4 that means he can't sleep there?

I just ring my DH when I need him in the night for wrangling issues. He sleeps on a different floor and doesn't necessarily hear any drama. Works for us.

You have four bedrooms and use three of them. Why doesn't he or the guest sleep in the other one?

At a guess, the mystery 4th room might not be set up as a bedroom? Might be used as an office/home gym? Might not be big enough for a bed? Might be full of random shite that you collect as a parent thinking it might be useful for the next baby?

I read the OP as there being two bedrooms with 2 double beds, one for her one for him/the guests. With the inference being either that the other two rooms were singles. Perhaps one has the eldest child and the other already kitted.out as the nursery

I'd think it odd if a friend or relative's DH was sleeping on the sofa rather than sharing their bed. It's none of my business, it doesn't matter what I think, but I would find it odd.

Is he actually doing it deliberately to avoid child related waking?

What do you do when you go away?

I also have a 3yo and a baby so I understand what you mean op.

When dh is sleeping in another room he puts his phone on "do not disturb mode" with my number as an exception. So it doesn't buzz for anything else unless I call, WhatsApp or text him.

Could be something to try

Put a single bed/mattress/sofa bed in the 4th bedroom.