To be at the end of my tether with school?

[Pillowchase]

DS is in reception, he turned 5 last week.

Thankfully he settled into school the first term and was really enjoying it, I was aware this could change anytime but I find the circumstances upsetting and frustrating and not sure what to do.

Since the start of this term school have phoned 5 times because he's been pushed over, had things thrown at him causing bruising and he was bitten; 1 of which required a medical check up. Its the same child, at the end of the day they're 4, they probably have something else going on (which isn't my business) and I appreciate the teacher has a hard job managing an entire class.

Its reached the point though I'm now furious and really upset about it. Everytime I speak to school I very much angle it as well what are you going to implement to keep my child safe- they always promise this and that but I've had enough. He's been told to always stay away from this child, the teacher says he does do this but what he doesn't always do is immediately move away when the child approaches. So everytime he's playing at a station or whatever he's supposed to drop everything immediately even if he's enjoying himself and with friends if this child decides they want to be go there; ridiculous in hindsight but there we go. Yesterday I had another call saying DS was playing at the water table and because he didn't move away straight away when this child approached it was unfortunate but he was pushed over and basically ended up with his face in the water and his stomach catching the side of the tub. He was told off for not moving away which I was furious about.

Anyway, DS has been up most of the night crying and saying he doesn't want to go back to school. I can't blame him, but what do I do? I've enquired at other local schools and no spaces to transfer, homeschooling isn't an option and for his sake I don't want to keep him off regularly in case he's physically assaulted at school.

I've been understanding until now, probably too much so and haven't advocated for DS as much as I should as I've tried to see the whole picture and feel for the child who evidently isn't getting the support they need; but I've had enough. I've spoken to the teachers and said if the issue is he's being mean/antagonising the child or triggering them somehow let me know and I'll reinforce at home not to do this etc, but they say no he's always just playing with others or minding his own business.

As someone else said,this is Inclusion. Inclusion only works when the school has adequate resources. Unfortunately this school cannot safeguard your son. I'd be looking at alternatives.

I am 99% sure you won't get anywhere.
The child will have some form of need and should be in a specialist provision- which despite the inclusion culture is better for the child. The sensory overload of a mainstream classroom is just too much for some children even with one to one support. Nobody wants to admit inclusion was a money saving scheme that has failed so many, but now it is every child's right for a mainstream education it will never be changed despite the fact mainstream school heightens anxiety and the the resulting expressions in behaviour.
Good luck though, no child should be subject to what your child is.

School have a duty of care to your child, remind them of that because they seem to have forgotten! Speak to the Children Missing Education Department at your local authority, explain that, in order to safeguard him, you have no option but to keep him home so what do they suggest - they will likely be very helpful and speak to the school. As for school, complain in writing by email and copy in the Governors. Do it after your meeting today and make sure you include anything said/promised in the meeting.
Good luck x

Your child is 5 and it is not his 'responsibility' to keep himself safe. That is for the staff to be doing, this child is targeting your son, possibly others, and staff need to be on the ball. Telling your son, and you, it's his fault because he didn't move away is victim blaming.

Have you only dealt with the teacher? My DN had similar issues in y3. Dsis had been in several times with nothing done. When BiL told her to hit him back they were called in. HT said they couldn't condone that behaviour and BiL said that as school were doing nothing to keep her safe then he would. HT asked what he mant, he explained, she knew nothing about it and she got it sorted.

Was he told off for not moving away? If so I'd definitely be telling them THEIR action has caused the distress he's now feeling.

On an educational level, in reception class, learning takes place by interacting, exploring etc how can your son do that if every time he starts the other child approaches and he is expected to leave??

Don't go in full guns blazing you'll get much further being reasonable, however don't let them walk over your worries, and DON'T let them blame your son or place non appropriate age related expectations ie he should know to move away.
As PP have said let them know youll go higher if this is not sorted to your satisfaction.

Good luck.

The chair of governors would be a good person to contact if the head doesn't take action.

I've not read the thread but write down every incidentally in a log...

Find their safe guarding policy... Quote it, write it in a letter, and copy in head and governers and local council. Remind them of their duty of care toward your son and explain he's crying at night and becoming fearful of school.

Remind them they need to keep him safe and you are worried you are near a point where he won't go in because he's not safe.

Absolutely rediculous
Keep dates and times of incidents
Get a complaint in writing to the head and governors ,I'd probably copy the LEA in as well.
Your child should absolutely not be moving away from what he is doing for that child.it is the teachers responsibility to keep your son safe ,by keeping that child away from him .

It may not cause change now, but it goes on record and further reports may be added. When OFSTED come in, school will be expected to show how such reports are dealt with.

Time to move schools if you're not happy. Sounds like nothing at the school will change.

Time to raise merry hell.

Keep a log, take notes at your meeting today and use those things to inform an official complaint, copies of which should go to the class teacher, the head of school, and the governing board.

As others have said, this is a safeguarding failure, and should be treated as such. I disagree with the poster who said there’s no point in informing Ofsted - your complaint could well be adding a piece to a much bigger puzzle, and if they have a number of similar complaints about the same provision they are duty bound to investigate.

I also disagree that this is about SEND inclusion, which is virtually non existent following all of the stripping of staffing, funding and resources over the past ten or so years. Much more likely the case that they are inadequately equipped to meet the other child’s needs. But your son and other children should not have to suffer as a result.

Make sure you know going into the meeting what you want the outcome(s) to be. For example, "I want my child to feel safe coming to school, I want my child not to be at risk of daily violence, I want my child to be able to continue on the activity and not be told he must flee every time the other child approaches".

These are all reasonable expectations from a school which has knowledge of safeguarding.

Then during the meeting you need to be clear that the needs of other children are not your concern, in the same way you do not seek details, you (and your son) are not responsible for the other child.

After the meeting you must put in writing what was discussed and decided. If you let them do it then they will do it in a non-commital fashion full of pleasantries which if you try to follow up with later will be as useful as a chocolate teapot.

Happy to help further if you want to message me (both a senior leader in a huge school and a parent who has had this happen to one of their children).

I am so sorry to read this. Your poor lovely little boy. I would try and keep him off today and have the meeting.

My two sons were bullied. With my year six child there was a care plan implimented so that if my son felt threatened or had something happen he would talk to a member of staff about something specific. However they took him off it without telling me and he was badly assaulted. Previously he had been hit by this boy and when he told the TA she told him to go away and when he said it again she threatened to put him in the book. I was livid. I removed him from school while they "investigated" which took three months and they decided not to remove this child (private school). I think because they had his sibling there as well so two fees instead of my one. I never sent mine back of course.

Please stop blaming yourself for being a compassionate person regarding being concerned for this other child but that is not your job. Your job is to advocate for your son. Ask them the questions that the previous great posters have suggested, the one about it isn't your son's job to keep himself safe is brilliant and perfect your Paddington Bear stare. You have tried calm compassion. It is now time to do cold hard fury.

Unfortunately this is the way these days.
Schools are very big on inclusion (which I agree with) but lack the funding to do this safely and Unfortunately it leads to the 'nice quiet kids' taking the brunt of things while the kids with issues don't get the help they need either.

If I was you I'd ask for a meeting with the Head and be firm about your son being protected and don't allow them to fob you off with a sob story about funding etc.

The lack of funding for 1:1 provision is very real and the school's hands are tied but if people don't demand better from the school management and the government children like yours will continue to be the bottom of the pile and their needs and safety will always come last.
The kid with neurodivergence or the kid with anger issues or the kid with a crappy home life who's taking it out on his peers will always be put first and whatever injuries or issues your kid may end up with down the line as the result of constant assaults in a place they should be safe will always be bottom of the pile and viewed as collateral damage.
School management seem to view the illusion of inclusion as more important than anything else.

It is an awful situation for everyone involved, awful for the kids being attacked, awful for the kids who don't have the help they need and awful for teachers who are expected to deal with this in their classrooms without the back up or funding needed.

They need to keep this other child away! I'd be absolutely raging that it's not your boys fault yet he has to move not the instigator? No way.
Also go hard on safeguarding and mental health. Really hard. Get there policies online and point out how they are breaking them. Don't be nice and don't compromise, be professional an calm but very very clear.

The teacher has to teach the children in front of her and has no power to exclude etc. Bypass entirely and speak to the head. If your child were in my class, I'd be pointing you to the head every time so that for everyone's sake something would get done about it.

I would send an email before the meeting outlining what has happened and how the responsibility for keeping safe has been placed on your child.

As big a paper trail as possible.

Title the email bullying and assault.

Take notes in the meeting and email a copy back to them. Tell them you will do this. And send to whoever else is relevant.

Is the boy hurting anyone else or has he fixated on your son?

Is there another class the boy could be moved to?

Having been down the meeting with H/T and letter to governor it often doesn't work. The H/T is tied, they have to include this child but through budget there's nothing left to empty a 1:1.

It absolutely should be dealt with better and yes, unfortunately sometimes you do need to get angry before action is taken. My only advice would be please focus on school and not the other child or his parents. I've seen so many SEN children labelled with awful names because of situations like this. School can and should take steps to supervise better, it's their fault. Funding is irrelevant, it often takes years to get the money, you don't wait to take action. I have seen many children without funding supported 1:1 at key times such as playtime as a safety measure.

It's abundantly clear that the school cannot meet the needs of the violent child. The more parents who express this, the easier it can be for them to demonstrate that and hopefully help to get that child a place at a school that can meet their needs. This happened in my DDs class and the head was grateful for the written complaints because it supported her case. Chronic underfunding means mainstream schools are being forced to pick up the pieces where special schools places are lacking and it hurts everyone.

Your child should not be getting told off for not moving away from other kid , that’s as good as blaming him for getting hurt
do not approach the parents it is schools job to keep him safe whilst he is there they are ‘in loco parent us’ look at their behaviour and safeguarding policy and ask how and why they are going to protect your child and why should it be him that gets bollocked for not avoiding other kid

I had something very similar with my child - I really feel for you and your son. We reached the same point as you and I contacted the school to say that I wouldn’t be bringing my child to school that day because they weren’t able to keep her safe. I also wrote a letter to the Head detailing all of the events and linking Ofsted criteria /safeguarding policy (child on child safeguarding). I totally understand that the other child was struggling too, so felt huge sympathy for that child/family/staff struggling with the situation, but when your own child is coming home with injuries every couple of days, then something else needs to be done. Also, I’m sure your son won’t be the only child impacted and it really upsets all of the children witnessing this too. Very difficult for all involved! However, this situation did escalate, which is likely to happen unless intervention happens. Asking your child to move away is not intervention!
The child who was attacking my child now works separately with two TAs outside of the classroom and socialises in small groups. Not ideal, but very difficult for schools to balance an individual’s needs with keeping other students (and staff) safe. Hope your meeting goes well.

Nuclear option. Ask for complaints policy. Don't wait though. Recorded delivery letter to head copied to governors saying the school is failing to keep your child safe ( list of incidents with dates), that it's continuing and that it is now having a severe effect on your son's health and well being and that accordingly you are taking legal advice. Ask for their plan of action to keep your child safe by return.
Think about what you want/ what's realistic / what could work. Move of classes, more oversight, new school etc.
schools are in a very difficult position with too few teachers, few disciplinary options and lack of parental support or competence in many cases. But this is your child who is top priority.

Please don't send an email titled bullying and assault! These are reception children! Attitudes like this are so damaging and do nothing to help either child. Keep a level head - focus on the safety of your child and be absolutely explicit about your expectations and that he must be properly supervised so that he can not be hurt or harmed. You do not need to turn this into a witch hunt and I promise you, it will do more harm than good if you do.

Before your meeting, hand deliver a letter addressed to the Head detailing all the incidents and dates (if you can) and how they are not safeguarding your son. Is it just your son or other children being subjected to the physical assaults from this child?