Thinking this is an over-reaction to my thoughtless comment

[Clemcy]

Today at work I spent lunch with some colleagues who have children a similar age to my eldest, 16-18 sort of age. We were talking about uni/fees/tech/accomodation etc.
One colleagues wife passed away when their child was younger, he sold the house, moved away to somewhere much cheaper mortgage free etc. and put the rest of the money from the sale away for his daughter.
He was explaining he's not worried as he has enough to buy her a flat/house when she's in second year, pay her fees and keep some back for wedding/emergencies. He quite causally said "yeah there is about £800,000 waiting for her."
This is insane to me, my house is worth a quarter of that, while I appreciate the circumstances that have allowed them to accumulate that money are awful it is a large sum!!
I thoughtlessly said "oh wow lucky girl" and everyone sort of looked at me, I realised and apologised.
Since I've gotten home 3 separate people have messaged me to let me know said colleague is quite upset at my insensitive comment, and there is nothing lucky about your mum dying - I never said there was!!
I messaged him to apologise but he just replied with "no amount of money will bring her mum back, be careful what you say"

I'm now sat quite upset, I genuinely wasn't thinking, heard the amount and thought wow!
AIBU to think this is an overreaction to a thoughtless comment?

Most people wouldn't have that kind of money waiting for them because of the death of a parent. They must have had a fair bit of money to start with. So from a financial point of view she's lucky, because her parents were able to provide a lot of money for her (which she would have benefitted from whether her mum had lived or not). That aspect is clearly not being acknowledged by the father, as everyone is focusing on the insensitive comment. So yeah it was a foot in mouth moment but she's also lucky, from a purely financial point of view.

I was thinking maybe she has form for blurting out rude things.

Well, I know people who lost their mum and did not get £800K.
Very sad for her to lose her mum, but very lucky to have a dad who has thought about her financial necessities.

Thoughtless if you to say that.

Is the Dad overreacting?

No

Given you apologised immediately, the people messaging you need to wind their necks in. You're not a child who needs admonishing. You mis spoke. Everyone does it from time to time. I actually think the widowed friend was being quite rude to tell you to be "careful" rather than just gracefully accepting your apology. Still, nothing you can do except chalk it up to experience and move on.

This is a crazy overreaction on all of their parts. Of course it's terrible that her mum died, but to have nearly a million pounds available? That is lucky! I can't even quite work out how the mum dying is connected to the money, as it doesn't sound like it's an inheritance.

It also seems really distasteful to discuss that amount of money at work. It's obviously going to attract comments, so it's sort of on him.

Why would anyone go into that sort of financial detail surely you just keep that to yourself. A misplaced comment yes but I feel the person was bragging about what daughter was in for money wise. Why would you tell people that?.

I think it was an overreaction, if I had been him it would have caught me short but then I would have given myself a nudge and realised that you didn’t mean it that way. Also 800k is an amazing amount of money, most people would be floored by it and would think anyone with it would be “lucky”.

You can lose a parent and end up living in poverty or lose a parent and live comfortably. Pretending that money doesn’t make a difference is just not true.

YANBU. He’s one of those dullards who says ‘I’d give anything back for just one day with x but I can’t’. People grieving don’t talk about money.

He knows most people, let alone young people, can’t dream of having £800k handed over to them and he’s rubbing it in your face.

Don’t apologise again and avoid him in future.

No she doesn’t need to apologise again and she has nothing to be contrite for, he’s a manbaby loving the drama.

Team overreact here, too, for the same reasons. His own manners could do with an overhaul.

She doesn’t have money because her mum died, she has money because he sold an expensive house and bought a cheap house.

Dead parents doesn’t automatically = money.

💯 agree

He is enjoying the drama don't give him it.
You apoligised end of.

You were basically thinking of yourself when he was talking and about how much money you have in comparison, instead of listening to him, empathising with his situation and then responding to that so yeah, apologise to him.

As someone who inherited quite a lot of money from parents who should be here enjoying their retirement with it, I can tell you in my experience that money makes me feel sick and sits in savings accounts.

As someone who now has a large sum of money after my son (5) and I were disabled in a car accident, people make these comments all the time. No one knows how much as I don't talk about it but they know it's a lot. And people are pretty judgy, especially in today's economic climate.

And yes, I would give every penny back if it meant my son could walk again.

You were insensitive, but maybe they are a bit over-sensitive too.

Just let it go now. You've apologised, and will hopefully think before you blurt something like that out next time.

YABU that was an incredibly thoughtless and insensitive thing to say

Are you my MIL?

The money makes you feel sick, really? My dad died young and I didn’t inherit any money, inheriting money would not have made me sick.

It’s weird how people who inherit money want sympathy for inheriting money, like their grief is worth more than people who don’t inherit.

🙄 With a 16yo child, OP is very unlikely to be your MIL.

They're overreacting, you meant the sum of money not the mother's death FFS 🤷‍♀️ tbh this wasn't really an appropriate conversation in the first place, he was insensitive disclosing this amount to colleagues in a cost of living crisis when people are struggling so he misspoke first IMO. I'm an arsehole and would point that out to them.

I think your comment was off the cuff. You weren’t immediately tying it to the death of her mother. They did.

you apologised. I think their reaction is a bit extreme TBH

Do you mean it's a lesson learnt?
And, it was a mistake yes, don't be so harsh

Oh ffs. Tell your collegues to do one.

Yes it's very sad her mam died years ago but having £800,000 sitting there for you is insanely fortunate . That girl is VERY lucky to have that money. I'd probably have made the same comment.

People really need to get over themselves these days!

Oh and he was really rude to not accept your genuine apology. "Careful what you wish for" He sounds like a right knob. You apologised (needlessly imo) What the hell else does he want?

Wow..do some healing!!
That's my experience yes because they died young and I am sorry they aren't spending it on the lifestyle that they earnt. I can't bring myself to do anything with it yet.

Where did I mention I want sympathy for it?!