Thinking this is an over-reaction to my thoughtless comment

[Clemcy]

Today at work I spent lunch with some colleagues who have children a similar age to my eldest, 16-18 sort of age. We were talking about uni/fees/tech/accomodation etc.
One colleagues wife passed away when their child was younger, he sold the house, moved away to somewhere much cheaper mortgage free etc. and put the rest of the money from the sale away for his daughter.
He was explaining he's not worried as he has enough to buy her a flat/house when she's in second year, pay her fees and keep some back for wedding/emergencies. He quite causally said "yeah there is about £800,000 waiting for her."
This is insane to me, my house is worth a quarter of that, while I appreciate the circumstances that have allowed them to accumulate that money are awful it is a large sum!!
I thoughtlessly said "oh wow lucky girl" and everyone sort of looked at me, I realised and apologised.
Since I've gotten home 3 separate people have messaged me to let me know said colleague is quite upset at my insensitive comment, and there is nothing lucky about your mum dying - I never said there was!!
I messaged him to apologise but he just replied with "no amount of money will bring her mum back, be careful what you say"

I'm now sat quite upset, I genuinely wasn't thinking, heard the amount and thought wow!
AIBU to think this is an overreaction to a thoughtless comment?

Aah I really feel for you, I always say things without thinking and I think holding it against you after you have apologised is a bit mean. Its not like you really meant anything by it, and she is lucky that her dad has held that money for her instead of spending it on nonsense. Someone could just as easily take offense that he is bringing up that much money around people who might be struggling....
I'd apologise again and make it clear you made a mistake and there's not much more you can do. I think he's being a bit ott and I can imagine you feel really awkward now!

Take how upset you feel and multiply it by one million to be close to how upset he is feeling today. Multiply by a billion to even come close to how upset he felt burying his wife and the mother of his child. You have no right to seek sympathy or approval.

I think it is an overreaction yes. Also it is inappropriate him telling his colleagues those figures, she is lucky to have the money so you were right. Yea it's sad her mum died but not linking it to that she still has a good financial head start in life.

Agreed but people get a kick out of this and love ganging up on another person.

oh ffs will you catch yourself on?

no it's mn in general, people have very high standards and if you do anything below them you are irredeemable.

You don't get to decide whether someone's reaction on the subject of their dead spouse is an overreaction!

Your original comment may have been a slip of the tongue but you are doubling down with this post and not simply accepting you were in the wrong

Exactly this!

I think if he was as upset as you’re making out he wouldn’t have even been able to talk about it. Talk about overreacting 🙄😂

I hope you have been able to give yourself some peace, OP. As someone who has accepted that grief is part of love and therefore I don’t want to lose it ( as I said upthread this is about my fiercely loved baby brother who died in a freak accident) I find these comments blaming you ridiculous.

his quote is an overreaction though

*in your opinion

Nah if she apologised then fine but the whole ''be careful what you say'' is totally ott.

again- in your opinion. She may have said sorry buy it hardly seems sincere to then go online and critiscise the colleague

'Be careful what you say' = 'I found what you said more hurtful than you realise, I know it was unintentional so I'd like you to take more care in future'. Entirely reasonable in the circumstances.

well the dude is sitting bragging to colleagues about the 800k his daughter has. Boohoo, poor them.

Wow, just wow. Did you miss the bit where he lost his wife and mother of his children? Callous much?

It's sad but it's bollox to act like she is isn't massively lucky to have nearly a million quid as a young adult. Financially she is massively lucky here. to say otherwise is nonsense. My mum died when I was 16 and left me without a penny and my dad died at 12 and left me nothing here. Both dead of cancer.

Yea it's sad but it's complete nonsense to say my life today wouldn't be considerably better had they left me money. I have been in house shares since 19 and working 2 jobs to survive 6 days a week.

I wouldn't be renting in a house share at nearly 40if I'd inherited from them. The preachiness on here and from the father is somewhat irksome and victim mentality. If the 800k means nothing to him then donate it to a charity linked to his wife's death as I assume she died of cancer or something.

And it wasn't the mum's death that caused her windfall really, it wasn't left in the mum's will or anything...

I think they were overreacting. What did they expect you to say? You aren't the only person who might have said that.

ok so everybody renting at near middle age is because of their bad attitudes....

nothing to do with the fact that I didn't have 800k and a flat handed to me....

I agree with this because, regardless of how or why he has accumulated this amount of money for his daughter, it's a bit inappropriate to be telling other people. After all, he doesn't necessarily know the ins and outs of you or your colleagues financial situations.

You said a thoughtless thing and accepted it and apologised. But he has also been a bit thoughtless in saying how much money he has got, but that has passed him by.

Don't get upset, you apologised and he should accept it and forget about it.

How do you know anything about this poster’s financial history? It has nothing to do about her attitude!

I find your comment vile and uncalled for tbh.

Why are so many people unwilling to admit that this young woman IS very fortunate to have been given £800K? Albeit in tragic circumstances. My Dad died a few weeks ago, I’ll be getting a small amount of money which I’m very grateful for. Will the money help? yes. Would I rather have my Dad back? within a heartbeat. But I am fortunate that I have some money I wouldn’t have had otherwise which is going to help me

If you were a nicer person maybe a friend or partner would live with you.@LT1982

Absolutely uncalled for! Not related to the thread at all.