Thinking this is an over-reaction to my thoughtless comment

[Clemcy]

Today at work I spent lunch with some colleagues who have children a similar age to my eldest, 16-18 sort of age. We were talking about uni/fees/tech/accomodation etc.
One colleagues wife passed away when their child was younger, he sold the house, moved away to somewhere much cheaper mortgage free etc. and put the rest of the money from the sale away for his daughter.
He was explaining he's not worried as he has enough to buy her a flat/house when she's in second year, pay her fees and keep some back for wedding/emergencies. He quite causally said "yeah there is about £800,000 waiting for her."
This is insane to me, my house is worth a quarter of that, while I appreciate the circumstances that have allowed them to accumulate that money are awful it is a large sum!!
I thoughtlessly said "oh wow lucky girl" and everyone sort of looked at me, I realised and apologised.
Since I've gotten home 3 separate people have messaged me to let me know said colleague is quite upset at my insensitive comment, and there is nothing lucky about your mum dying - I never said there was!!
I messaged him to apologise but he just replied with "no amount of money will bring her mum back, be careful what you say"

I'm now sat quite upset, I genuinely wasn't thinking, heard the amount and thought wow!
AIBU to think this is an overreaction to a thoughtless comment?

He should absolutely bore off. There was absolutely no need to mention just how much money it is (it is quite an unbelievably large amount). Like PPs have said it’s very insensitive of him to mention just how much in a cost of living crisis - sounds very much like a humblebrag to me. He could easily just said the stuff about being set up for uni and a property without showing off much exactly.

Bottom line, it’s a shockingly large amount of money for a young person to get so it’s no surprise you reacted out of surprise. You’ve apologised and any more berating from them is just enjoying kicking you when you’re down.

Making any comment about money, at any time, in any circumstance, is tacky.
Sadly, you seemed to have a knee-jerk response to an amount of money that dreadful circumstances have bestowed. Then you try to justify by saying it is worth 4x the amount your place is, etc?
You should apologise face-to-face

Yes they are overreacting imo. You were clearly saying she was lucky to have that amount of money, not that she was lucky to have lost her mum. Also, you apologised straight away.

It sounds like your colleagues are drama queens. They sound like hard work. Some people like to be offended and upset. Having £800k in savings is lucky for a young person and will give them and head start in life. There is nothing insensitive about that observations.

I'd feel an idiot if I realised I'd said sonething like that but there was no malice intended and you have apologised. I think your colleagues have over reacted - for 3 to message you, means they all gossiped about it. And the guy in question should have accepted the apology gracefully, regardless of his feelings. It's called being a mature adult.

Ok, you wished you hadn't made this thoughtless comment. That's it. It's time to eat humble pie. And you have tried.

As someone said this bloke could do with his manners having an overhaul. I agree. But no amount of logic or explanation makes your place in this look that good really.

Just go back and say " I can do nothing more except offer my sincerest apologies for what I said without thinking. I hope you will accept it."

End of. And that's the truth of the matter.

No they are not being uverreacting
And the daughter is NOT lucky
What a dreadful thing to say

No they are not being uverreacting
And the daughter is NOT lucky
What a dreadful thing to say

Tbh no one is doubting that. But it was a MISTAKE. And iOP works with these people.
What should she do now?

This response was not to OP, I have already responded saying the OP should apologise to the bloke face-to-face rather than text

I think it's bad form of them not to just accept your apology and move on, no need for them to make you feel worse about it. If you're a normal human being you will be beating yourself up over it and feeling awful anyway.

This sort of thing happens all the time, we're all human and as long as you are self reflective enough to realise why they reacted the way they did and offer a sincere apology that should be enough. Your colleague shouldn't have then continued to drive home the point - a kind person would say "no harm done, thank you for your apology" as they would realise you mis-spoke and apologised and are probably feeling awful. That's the thing, he will have put his foot in it too at some point in his life as we all do it, and would hope himself for a kinder reaction.

He overreacted. Why was he telling you about this huge sum of money that she would receive . A positive reaction was likely .
she IS lucky to be receiving a huge sum of money and to have a father that has done this. You were complimenting him.
Yes of course it‘s very sad that she lost her mother at a young age. You didn’t say it wasn’t.

I would say nothing at all here and let the dust settle.

My mum died when I was a child OP - several years later (at 18) I inherited about £15K (in the 90s) as a direct result (from my mum's aunt), it made a massive difference to me at the time and I did feel lucky to have this money. Of course, I would have much rather had my mum but not having this money wasn't going to bring her back.

Yes, it was a foot in the mouth comment but is is also separate - she could've lost her mum and had no money or this £800K. That is a LOT of money. Most people who lose a parent as a child don't have anything like that, quite the opposite - life can become financially harder.

I've had lots of stupid comments said to me. 'You're lucky you don't have to deal with this kind of thing' (when talking about a difficult mother/elderly care issues) has been said twice by two separate people for example. I don't think bad of the people who said it - they were just didn't give themselves enough thinking time.

Apologise profusely - you didn't give yourself that extra second to consider the context. What else can you do? We all say stupid things now and again. It was probably a bit surreal that your colleague was sharing quite so much about his finances.

Forgive yourself, we all out our foot in our mouth on occasion. Apologise. If he wants to make an issue of it, let him get on with it and dont get nto a 'he said, she said'. He knows what you meant. Leave it be.

It was one of those foot in mouth moments, which we’ve all done at some point. Try to put it behind you, and carry on as work as normal. It will soon be last weeks news.

I do think it is rather an overreaction, particularly the way they won't let you forget and seem intent on guilt tripping you. Christ! You had a momentary brain fart and probably said what everyone else was thinking. Thinking yes, she's a lucky girl, not to have lost her mum but to have a father who is absolutely dedicated to her and supports her so much. Yes she is lucky to have that substantial amount of money, which personally I think for the father to mention along with everything else was a bit of a rub in and maybe even part provocation for someone to say basically what you said. Sounds a bit like the father wanted to target someone to let whatever anger/sadness etc out on, and by going on about the money and everything else in front of people it was only a matter of time before someone (in this case you) said something about being lucky but clearly not meaning about the mother passing away. Now he seems to be trying to heal his own wounds and sadness by blowing your comment way out of proportion. The people who are friends agreeing with him and saying things need to pull their heads out of their docile asses and realise that you were quite clearly NOT saying she's a lucky girl because she's lost her mother, she's a lucky girl to have a solid support from her dad and financial stability. Yes it's incredibly sad she lost her mother but you have to always try make some form of positive from a negative. This girl is and isn't lucky bless her.

She did apologise face to face, straight away.

It's obvious that you didn't mean she was lucky to have lost her mum, OP. It was just a thoughtless comment. Considering you apologised straight away, I think it's odd that your colleagues have messaged you.

It's obvious to me the way your comment was made IMO (I thought the same) so I think your colleague is being a little bit of a prick by clearly telling other colleagues of yours that you made an insensitive comment! Why go around saying that?! You apologised straight away, therfore i don't see an issue tbh.

No, it's possible that some people very much dramatise things.

Yeah it wouldn't let me edit, no I didn't mean learnt I meant learned. But I did mean lesson.

I'm not being harsh, it's my opinion like a lot of other people's. And a lot of people think it was an overreaction. I'm generally not a sensitive person but having lost a child some things you just become very hyper aware of given that over the years people say the stupidest shit like ah well this next baby will replace the loss, and at least you don't have to do school runs, and what I'd give to not be woken in the night anymore. Yeah that type of shit has been said, so I was cringing reading the OP just knowing it was going to say she referred to the child as lucky.

I dont think the guy has done wrong by replying saying no amount of money can bring her Mum back. That's true. One thing it will make sure is that OP is now aware to not make a comment like that in the future, so it's lesson learned.

If that's the worst comment he's had to deal with, he's very "lucky". When my husband died I had "aren't you lucky to be getting all these flowers", "at least you don't have children", "it's such a shame after you lost all that weight for your wedding".
Several people have said I'm lucky to not have a mortgage - they're not saying I'm lucky to be widowed.
I would avoid this person in future. You've apologised, he's still upset - that's fine. Just give him a wide berth.

You did a thoughtless thing that caused someone else harm. You should feel bad about it. You should apologise because you are sorry for hurting the other person (not because you want them to give you permission feel better).

Then you should put it behind you and get on with your day.

Why are other colleges wading in? Are they children? It’s like teenagers all loving the drama.

Clearly what you said was thoughtless and upset him, but you have apologised and obviously won’t say it again. People say clumsy stuff all the time and it isn’t the end of the world.

You were thoughtless and insensitive, so you hurt him. Others have just let you know that. It will all blow over, but it's OK to sometimes feel bad when you've done the wrong thing. It isn't his job to make this ok for you, but you can move on and put it behind you as long as you know not to do it again.

Well, both my parents are dead and I didn’t inherit a damn thing. Compared to a lot of people she is lucky.

He sound crass for discussing his financials like that and a bit of a braggy tosser.