Do you think the new partner should help?

[RunningOnCoffee6385]

Split with ex. Three children (12ds, 8ds, 6dd)

Would it be unreasonable to expect the new partner (engaged & together 4yrs) to look after the kids? Ex has said he can't watch them due to his shifts days/nights etc so has them very infrequently. Would you expect the new partner who obviously got with him knowing he has three kids to share the load with him her husband to be? Like she would watch them while he's at work etc?

No.

No, I would expect their parents to or make childcare arrangements. Step parents are not default babysitter.

No. It’s the children’s father’s job to arrange matters so that he can parent his children.

No. If he's not prepared to look after his own kids, why should she?

Nope, the parents do the parenting however that manifests.

No, not if she doesn’t want to.

No, not her kids, not her responsibility. I would only expect her to help in an emergency, eg: if during her DP’s contact time one of the kids needed to be taken to A&E I’d expect her to watch the other two. But generally there shouldn’t be any expectation that she helps, childcare and contact etc should be sorted between the parents.

No, but I would think they both kinda suck.

Him for being a crap dad, and her for being with a crap dad.

I’m a step parent and as far as I was concerned I signed up for stuff like that, but I know that isn’t a popular opinion on here!

Would I expect an unrelated person to be a better parent to the children than their own father? No. I'd expect the children's two living parents to organise things so they both can spend time with their children.

Is this to enable you to work? If so then of course it would be lovely to have a ‘let’s all pitch in’ approach- if you all get on, and it doesn’t happen often. Also, in those circumstances it should be reciprocated.

But ‘expect’? No.

YABU but he is also being unreasonable. He needs to get a decent amount of childcare covered. If he asks his new partner that is one way, but it’s bit for them to be expected by you.

It's fine to expect the dad to cover childcare during his contact time - however that manifests is up to him

The general consensus on here is that step parents aren't required to engage at all.

For what it's worth I disagree but my one little voice won't mean much!

I wouldn’t want my ex’s partner to! If he can’t be there I’d rather they were with me: I see his contact time as something I endure so they get to have a relationship with him and would prefer they be with me 24/7.

No never

Same here and I agree. I often will look after one SD whilst my husband is out doing sport etc with the other.

It's not an issue and I like helping out. But it's also not expected of me - I'm always asked and thanked.

Thank you all. I am the step parent. I worded it that way to see the replies as I felt I was being unreasonable. Thank you.

What is your opinion of your partner as a parent?

So do you want to have absolutely no part to play in what’s a hugely important bit of your husband’s life…?

So it’s your fiancé who is pressuring you to look after his children?

Oh so a reverse? Annoying

and congratulations on your engagement to a loser 👌🏽

I wouldn’t be with someone with kids if I wasn’t ok with pitching in with family life (not taking responsibility for all of it mind but helping out). For that reason I probably wouldn’t go anywhere near someone with kids.

Don’t marry him. He’s looking for a nanny/housekeeper (who also pays the bills). Many divorced dads are.

He needs to look after his own children.

Is he looking to use you as a nanny so that he can have more ‘contact’ (where he’s not there) and pay his ex less maintenance? Thats a common trick they try to pull.