Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

[Damaged27]

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family.
Yabu. Don't tell her
Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

Have you slept with him since you found outcabout this poor woman?
Neither you nor this 'gentleman' are covering yourselves in glory. Why sleep with someone you are not with?

Urgh all sounds very Jeremy Kyle like doesn't it? People shagging one and other, babies, abortion, should I tell the partner?? Just walk away op and concentrate on getting your own life in order.

This must be a wind-up. You are shagging you ex and another bloke with whom you created a baby, which you then aborted...

Your behaviour gets worse with each post. This poor woman is being cheated on, now you are stalking her on facebook...

Maybe you think I should've made a concerted effort to break up a successful 20+ year marriage before it even got off the ground? I disagree.

There's a whole lot of unsafe sex going on round here.

👏🏻 this is the best response on here.

Telling her is not technically your responsibility but we all know your ex won’t do it. Telling her is the hard thing to do and potentially she won’t appreciate it, but it’s still the right thing to do.

She is joking.

Ok, this really is a joke
There are NO rules to fwb. It is a reason to shag someone. There is not comjitment. You take the risk that you aren't the only one being shagged
You seem to enjoy risking you health to have sex, but you also appear to be demanding the rules of a relationship in a 'casual sex' scenario

Of course you should tell her.

All you saying don't tell her ? So the poor girl should carry on blissfully, having his baby, whilst he shags about with whoever he wants ?!

100% tell her.

Don't tell her. Walk away. Next time he contacts you just ignore, you don't need to explain why you're not sleeping with him anymore, he's chosen not to share information and so you should do the same.

My ex did something similar, he'd been sleeping with me to try and get things back on track whilst keeping a new girlfriend in the background just incase. At some point things turned around because he ended up getting engaged to her and I was suddenly the OW but he didn't tell me. As soon as I found out I walked away, it was pointless explaining myself to her because I'd just look like the jealous ex. He'd always maintained he was single and that we had a FWB situation. Clearly that wasn't the situation which shouldn't have surprised me.

They're still together and this was 17 years ago, I feel embarrassed whenever I see either of them because he made a mug out of me. The embarrassment is fairly recent because I cringe at my previous behaviour, it was really immature of me to think FWB would work with him.

He doesn't tell you everything, then.
How many other women is he shagging?

I would have to tell the mother-to-be so that she can have STD tests and confront the non exlusivity of her partner with him before she gives birth and expects committment, trust and happy families.. She needs to decide who will be her support and position herself to cope.
She needs to know A.S.A.P.

If she already knows then no harm done.

No, none of you business at all. He is a shit for cheating on the new gf, but absolutely no obligation to tell you at all. He is having his cake, eating it and enjoying the sugar rush
You are the ex. You continue to sleep with him as fwb, no need for any honesty between you. Does your ex know you've had an abortion? Does that come undercthe 'rules' of fwb?

Tell her. He’s going to cheat on her throughout his relationship. She deserves to know.

All of this.

That poor woman! This is what I would do in your shoes:
Don’t tell her anything, it will shatter her life
have an honest friend to friend conversation with him, ie get your head together! You’re having a family!
never see him again
Get yourself some counseling, something wrong with your self esteem if your sleeping around like this. You deserve better.

You are the ex. You continue to sleep with him as fwb, no need for any honesty between you. Does your ex know you've had an abortion? Does that come undercthe 'rules' of fwb?

Sorry but I do agree here. The "rules" don't seem hugely clear. You are permitted to sleep with others and fall pregnant, but he is not permitted to sleep with another woman and make her pregnant? His situation is wrong because ... he has been sleeping with that woman for longer? So what's the specified number of times you can sleep with another person outside of the FWB arrangement before it becomes classed as a relationship and therefore it's "cheating" and no longer acceptable? I'm not being arsey here - I do feel It's all a bit of a grey area.

Unless of course, he told this woman she and he were in an exclusive relationship and then continued to sleep with OP. But from OP's posts I'm not clear on that.

OP, you've done nothing wrong.

She should know because of the risk of STI and to know what sort of man she is with, but I think if you tell her, he's likely to say you were lying to try to split them up.

I wouldn't tell her if she's pregnant but I would tell him you know, threaten to tell her (in the hope that stops him doing it with someone else) and call it a day

when did this thread become a judgement of OP’s behaviour?

I would absolutely tell her, if only so she can get checked for any potential STIs as it sounds like a lot of people have been shagging around and not using any protection, this poor woman is oblivious to the risk her partner has put her in.

I can't believe are saying not to tell her to spare her feelings, telling her does her a favour in the long run so she has a chance to get rid of the cheating arsehole she is currently wasting her life with.

Don’t tell her - no good will come of it. Just move on.

You've done exactly what he's done, slept with someone else without protection and got (them) pregnant.

1. You were never exclusive so you don't really have any grounds to be annoyed with him.

1. A breeding ground for stis. If you are going to sleep with multiple partners at least protect yourself. No judgement, just fact.

1. I suspect that part of you wants the drama otherwise you'd bow out and move on. Let him be the one to tell her and if he doesn't so what. It's FWBenefits not FWBaggage.

No good will come of getting involved because his partner will be more inclined to believe him because now she's pregnant she's invested.