Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

[Damaged27]

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family.
Yabu. Don't tell her
Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

You've just had an abortion through another man. Perhaps give casual sex a rest for a while. It's not a form of contraception.

Rather than blowing her world apart just to get back at him why aren't you talking to him about this?

So he should of told me

Oh no OP is single and had two sexual partners in a close space of time, quick grab the Holy water!

We are living in the 21st century right? OP has done nothing wrong.

I would absolutely want to know if I was the pregnant GF in this scenario. I would be furious to think that someone thought they were somehow doing me a favour by standing by and letting me risk my sexual health, especially whilst pregnant!

I'm waiting to see if he tells me. I'm not using abortion as a form of birth control

Thankyou

Why are you so cross with him - if it was friends with benefits only, you were both free to do as you please and you were effectively 'cheating' on him 😂. You are all indignant for the other woman but I think you are pissed off because your ex was seeing someone else. But so were you! Talk about double standards! You want to tell the other woman (the pregnant woman) to get your own back. That's all. It's not altruistic. 😆

That's what he did tbf.

No he didn't he got in a relationship with her and their having a baby

He doesn't, (and there's your proof, because he hasn't) need to tell you anything.
You're just a shag to him as he is to you.

You can either continue to shag him.
Or....forget him and find another FWB.

The only one your FWB needs to have a conversation with is the OW pregnant with his baby, so maybe set your sights on getting him to do that.

Yes, this.

I'm mad because he's kept a serious relationship from me not just sex and he's used me to cheat on her

It’s not a baby ffs!

We are living in the 21st century right? OP has done nothing wrong.

Apart from having 2 sexual partners and not using birth control... right??

I’d want to know. No way in hell I’d be going through with the pregnancy

She's already a minimum of 12 weeks they've had the scan he's been showing people pictures. This is how I found out

What a true bummer for her! And good on for getting your abortion.

Is the baby his ?

Back to the original question, if I was the other woman in this situation, painful though it is to hear I would want to know. Saves a lot of heartache in the long run if you find out they're a cheating bastard early on. So I would say tell her so she can make her own mind up about what to do with that information.

To all the people clutching pearls about casual sex, it's not really relevant to the question who OP chooses to sleep with since she's single.

I assume so they've been in a relationship for a year and as far as I know she's not cheating on him

You should not tell her - you actually have no real evidence of what the status of their relationship is. You’ve done a bit of facebook stalking and maybe been told half a story by a third party. Perhaps she already knows the man she is pregnant to has been maintaining a sex only relationship with his ex- partner. Perhaps they are not exclusive. Maybe he isn’t the father of her baby. Maybe she is blissfully ignorant and thinks he is The One. Fact is you just don’t know, and clearly he doesn’t think it is any of your concern as you are FWB only, not a relationship in his eyes.

I do believe people can manage a FWB situation without getting bogged down in emotions or jealousy. But I seriously doubt this can be done successfully with a recent ex - the chances of ending up in a very messy and slightly tawdry situation are high.

No-one will thank you for telling her. She will blame you for upsetting her when pregnant, he will blame you for ruining his relationship with the mother of his child before it’s even born. You will be the OW and slut shamed, (deserved or not) by the wider circle when word gets out. If you secretly hope your revelation will scupper their relationship and put yours back on a partnership footing you are mistaken.

Just cut ties with him altogether. If you absolutely must do something tell him why, then don’t look back.

Holy cow there's so much judgement on this thread and quite a lot of it is directed at the wrong person!

Hint: If you disapprove of an unattached, sexually active adult female making responsible family planning decisions more than you do a lying, deceitful man actively betraying his pregnant partner's trust, you need to have a word with yourself about your prejudices.

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen

BTW, did the bloke whose baby you just aborted know he wasn’t exclusive?

It wasn’t a baby, it was a foetus

The rest of the OP’s life isn’t the topic of this thread, so mind your own business

It is, however, the OP’s business what a FWB does with the rest of his life when it turns out he is in a relationship and thus she is unknowingly an affair partner. People want to know this shit, oh dim-witted one

@NotQuiteNorma

Just because a woman has an abortion, doesn’t mean she thinks abortion is a form of contraception. Just because a woman has more than one partner doesn’t mean she’s more likely to have an abortion - sex is sex. Accidents happen. That’s why we have safe and legal abortion.

Nothing the OP has said indicates she especially wants to blow this woman’s life apart. She’s just wondering if she’s morally obligated to tell her. There’s no earthy point in the OP talking to him about it, what she going to say ‘did you forget you had a pregnant girlfriend?’?

@Babla There’s nothing wrong with having two sexual partners, as long as everyone knows what the deal is.

I’m guessing the OP was using birth control and had a contraceptive failure. It happens. That’s why we have safe and legal abortion. Would you rather it was a coat hanger DIY job?