Page 21 | Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

Damaged27 · 2024-01-30T23:15:50+00:00

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family. Yabu. Don't tell her Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

KeepGoing2 · 02/02/2024 13:52

OP has done nothing wrong.

About 25 years ago we found out a good friend of DH’s was having an affair. We decided not to do anything- we didn’t know his girlfriend well and it felt like none of our business. He married the girlfriend, had kids and they’ve just got divorced- due to his endless cheating. A leopard doesn’t change its spots.

For that reason, I think I would tell if I were OP (and I slightly regret that I didn’t tell all those years ago). His partner is about to tie herself to him for life. She should be allowed to do that with her eyes open. It’s possible he’ll say OP is a crazy ex- so what? At least she will have spoken up.

Marmunia106675 · 02/02/2024 14:21

This is peak Mills and Boon.

Daz57 · 02/02/2024 14:52

Marmunia106675 · 02/02/2024 14:21

This is peak Mills and Boon.

Except Mills and Boon is romantic and gentle. This is just shameless and no one in this drama seem to have any self respect. And as others have said, if you are going to sleep around willy nilly please use protection!

Alohapotato · 02/02/2024 15:23

I would tell her, she has a right to know.

LetsGoOutside · 02/02/2024 15:43

@Idontjetwashthefucker OP has stated in one of her posts she’s on the mini pill. She obviously got caught unexpectedly. I got pregnant while on the pill. It can happen.

Clarich007 · 02/02/2024 15:56

Sorry, but it sounds like he's got both of you on a string
Not very nice is it.

Crumpleton · 02/02/2024 16:00

Daz57 · 02/02/2024 14:52

Except Mills and Boon is romantic and gentle. This is just shameless and no one in this drama seem to have any self respect. And as others have said, if you are going to sleep around willy nilly please use protection!

Show quote history

And at the very least, whatever form of contraception you're using still get your shag buddy to put a condom on his willy nilly...

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2024 18:34

CarrotyO · 01/02/2024 21:32

OP you've done nothing wrong and you're not obliged to sort out his mess by telling his gf the truth.

It's nothing to do with sorting out HIS mess! There's an innocent baby in the middle of this mess. And god knows what that bloke could be sharing??

NotQuiteNorma · 02/02/2024 18:37

LetsGoOutside · 02/02/2024 15:43

@Idontjetwashthefucker OP has stated in one of her posts she’s on the mini pill. She obviously got caught unexpectedly. I got pregnant while on the pill. It can happen.

You're lucky all you got was pregnant. The pill doesn't stop std's, but that doesn't seem to bother op too much.

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2024 18:38

OhcantthInkofaname · 02/02/2024 00:41

Yup - that's what single means!

Show quote history

In which case wouldn't barrier contraception be useful?

NotQuiteNorma · 02/02/2024 18:38

Alohapotato · 02/02/2024 15:23

I would tell her, she has a right to know.

But op doesn't have a right to tell her.

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2024 18:40

Dibbydoos · 02/02/2024 07:32

Fwb and open relationships are just that. He owes you nothing.

He owes his partner more, but no doubt he's not going to say anything.

Should you tell her, no. She's pregnant fgs, she has porridge brain and feels vulnerable already. What's the likely outcome? She leaves him and spends her pregnancy freting about how she's going to bring the child up? Yes she should know, but not from you. The best thing you can do is stop being used by him - even though you think it's mutual it isn't - maybe he'll be happy with her.

How about she gets checked out?

He's been sleeping with her and at least one other who has been sleeping with someone else who could be sleeping with others

See the issue here?

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2024 18:41

Damaged27 · 02/02/2024 09:59

Iv spoke to him he says he doesn't want to be with this woman and feels like she trapped him with the baby 🙄 he said he's gonna break it off with her. So time will tell what happens with that but it's hopefully taken the responsibility of me.

Not really.

Unless she's been having unprotected sex with anyone else she's still vulnerable

MidnightSerenader · 02/02/2024 18:43

LetsGoOutside · 02/02/2024 15:43

@Idontjetwashthefucker OP has stated in one of her posts she’s on the mini pill. She obviously got caught unexpectedly. I got pregnant while on the pill. It can happen.

If she’s single and having sex with multiple partners, she should be using condoms.

If she’s single and having sex with multiple partners, the mini pill is a completely bizarre choice of contraception. Come on. Not taking it at the right time, missing one, illness, and it’s game over.

We’re 500+ posts in and at this point, we’re all pointlessly wailing and gnashing our teeth at this OP. Who is coming across as an aimless faffer, at best; actually pretty feckless, at worst.

The pregnant ‘partner’ (I use this term loosely) is very clearly not actually top of mind for this OP, who pops up every so often with some non-committal guff, so we’re wasting our breath at this point.

Wednesdaysphiltrum · 02/02/2024 18:45

MidnightSerenader · 02/02/2024 18:43

If she’s single and having sex with multiple partners, she should be using condoms.

If she’s single and having sex with multiple partners, the mini pill is a completely bizarre choice of contraception. Come on. Not taking it at the right time, missing one, illness, and it’s game over.

We’re 500+ posts in and at this point, we’re all pointlessly wailing and gnashing our teeth at this OP. Who is coming across as an aimless faffer, at best; actually pretty feckless, at worst.

The pregnant ‘partner’ (I use this term loosely) is very clearly not actually top of mind for this OP, who pops up every so often with some non-committal guff, so we’re wasting our breath at this point.

Show quote history

Catch up, mate. The mini pill has come on a bit since your day it would seem. It’s a 12-hour window, same as the combined. And no different to the combined in efficacy. Not sure what’s ’completely bizarre’ about choosing to use the pill for contraception..?

MidnightSerenader · 02/02/2024 18:48

Wednesdaysphiltrum · 02/02/2024 18:45

Catch up, mate. The mini pill has come on a bit since your day it would seem. It’s a 12-hour window, same as the combined. And no different to the combined in efficacy. Not sure what’s ’completely bizarre’ about choosing to use the pill for contraception..?

Show quote history

Catch up, mate. The OP’s just has an abortion.

You understand what ‘efficacy’ means?

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2024 18:53

LetsGoOutside · 02/02/2024 15:43

@Idontjetwashthefucker OP has stated in one of her posts she’s on the mini pill. She obviously got caught unexpectedly. I got pregnant while on the pill. It can happen.

If you're not with a long term partner, pregnancy isn't the only concern

Original poster

Damaged27 · 02/02/2024 18:53

MidnightSerenader · 02/02/2024 18:43

If she’s single and having sex with multiple partners, she should be using condoms.

If she’s single and having sex with multiple partners, the mini pill is a completely bizarre choice of contraception. Come on. Not taking it at the right time, missing one, illness, and it’s game over.

We’re 500+ posts in and at this point, we’re all pointlessly wailing and gnashing our teeth at this OP. Who is coming across as an aimless faffer, at best; actually pretty feckless, at worst.

The pregnant ‘partner’ (I use this term loosely) is very clearly not actually top of mind for this OP, who pops up every so often with some non-committal guff, so we’re wasting our breath at this point.

Show quote history

The mini pill is about the only contraception i can use as I can't have anything with oestrogen and everything else iv tried has either made me bleed constantly or effected my mh severely. How am I faffing in the last just over a week iv had an abortion. Been tested for sti/stds. Found out the truth about fwb and confronted him about it. I'm now given him time to see if he will be honest with her before I do anything else. I also have 2 children, a job and house to run.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2024 18:53

NotQuiteNorma · 02/02/2024 18:38

But op doesn't have a right to tell her.

Show quote history

Why not?

AcrossthePond55 · 02/02/2024 18:57

Damaged27 · 02/02/2024 10:35

He says he's gonna break up with her I have to give him that chance whether it's true or not before I speak to her

Show quote history

No, you really really don't. In fact it'd be a kindness to her to tell her the truth. Leave out the part about him not wanting the baby and wanting to break with her (which may or may not be true) because you are not personally involved with that part of the situation, but do tell her about him sleeping with you.

If he breaks with her, it may help her recover more quickly. If he doesn't, she still deserves to know the truth, that he was sleeping with you when he was in a relationship with her. What she does with that information is up to her.

I don't know why you're so eager to give him any 'chances' at all. A chance to tell her about sleeping with you, a chance to break up with her. He certainly hasn't been giving her any 'chances', has he? No, he's kept her in the dark about you, and probably about (supposedly) not wanting the baby. And I agree with a PP, he's probably going to string her along for months. Not necessarily because he wants to sleep with her, but because he's too big a coward to tell her the (supposed) truth.

BarnacleHead · 02/02/2024 19:06

The mini pill is about the only contraception i can use as I can't have anything with oestrogen and everything else iv tried has either made me bleed constantly or effected my mh severely.

She's talking about condoms.

I mean really op.

(Yanbu@MidnightSerenader!!)

porridgeisbae · 02/02/2024 19:18

NotQuiteNorma · 02/02/2024 18:38

But op doesn't have a right to tell her.

Show quote history

I think she most certainly does. Anyone who knows someone is cheating can tell the victim that they're being cheated on, so they know the truth.

Tribblesarelovely · 02/02/2024 19:26

I would definitely tell her, she has a right to know. Yes, he probably will tell her you’re mad/unstable/jealous, but at least you can give her choices.

momonpurpose · 02/02/2024 19:52

MidnightSerenader · 02/02/2024 18:43

If she’s single and having sex with multiple partners, she should be using condoms.

If she’s single and having sex with multiple partners, the mini pill is a completely bizarre choice of contraception. Come on. Not taking it at the right time, missing one, illness, and it’s game over.

We’re 500+ posts in and at this point, we’re all pointlessly wailing and gnashing our teeth at this OP. Who is coming across as an aimless faffer, at best; actually pretty feckless, at worst.

The pregnant ‘partner’ (I use this term loosely) is very clearly not actually top of mind for this OP, who pops up every so often with some non-committal guff, so we’re wasting our breath at this point.

Show quote history

I couldn't agree more. My mom use to say getting pregnant is the least of consequences condoms unless you want to get pregnant

MeMySonAnd1 · 02/02/2024 20:30

So former couple are having random sex, he is making a fool of another woman but someway, by impregnation, they are a now a honourable normal couple and the OP is the other woman? She was with this guy first and didn’t know her ex was playing around.

I guess the ex is more deserving of so much vitriol than Op but then she is a woman, therefore she should keep the cheating man loyal to his other woman even if he was sleeping with both?

Okay…