Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

[Damaged27]

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family.
Yabu. Don't tell her
Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

She wasn’t cheating on him. They were FWB. He however turned her into an affair partner without her consent. Lots of people don’t want to be an affair partner, so yes he is out of order, not her. There’s no indication the OP ‘wants her is back’ - what does that even mean? She was seeing another guy as well as him, he isn’t her great love is he.

This is not hard to understand. Are you really this simple?

No good will come from telling her

Bullshit. You cannot keep this a secret. It will come out one day so sooner the better. Especially for her and the baby's health, STI-wise.

I know a woman who was pregnant and contracted an STI. The outcome was awful - and I mean for the baby. Never mind the mother having to live with the guilt. The father washed his hands of it of course. Bastard. Hope his balls dropped off and his dick withered away.

Firstly, you've done nothing wrong.

Secondly... Why the Fuck are we protecting men like this? If his new partner doesn't find out, what are the consequences of his behaviour? There aren't any. He just moves on to the next person & at some point the mother of his child will be absolutely broken when she finds out & a kiddy will lose a full time dad.

Can we just look out for one another please? This wasn't a one night stand fgs cos then I'd agree to keep shtum. This...this is disgusting on his part.

What's with all the judgment?

OP is single. She can have all sex she wants.

She had a FWB thing with her ex on the basis that she assumed he was single too. It's not about him sleeping with others.

It's about him cheating on his partner which presumably if OP had known about she wouldn't have slept with him.

I get it OP. He's s shit and his partner deserves to know but at the same time he'll just say your crazy, jealous etc.

Honestly, I don't know. I would want to tell her but I don't think she'll believe you.

From a selfish point of view, I wouldn’t tell her. It’ll cause drama and trouble that I couldn’t be arsed with. Just cut contact with him and move on.

@Damaged27

Want to be sure I have the relevant facts correct:

You and Ex are/were in a FWB situation.

Ex then started a supposedly exclusive relationship with another woman during this time. You knew nothing of this.

This woman is now pregnant.

The fact that you were sleeping with someone else and ended up having an abortion has nothing to do with this situation. You and this other man were both single. You and Ex were FWB. No judgement from me on that. Your Ex is the prick for deceiving both you and his pregnant GF/DP

Would I tell this woman? Yes. You aren't doing it because you 'want him back'. You're doing because she deserves to know the kind of man she's going end up being 'tied to' for the rest of her life because of a mutual child. She may be too late to terminate her pregnancy, but it's not too late for her to decide whether or not she wants to stay in a relationship with your Ex or to start to build her own life as a single parent.

Tell her the facts, that you were in a FWB 'arrangement' with him at the same time he was in a relationship with her. I'd also tell her that (assuming this is true) you want nothing further to do with him. I'd tell her (also assuming this is true) that you have no intention of gossiping about the whole mess. Then leave her completely alone.

Tell her!
Being pregnant and your BF cheating, for one thing she could get a STD and that can affect her pregnancy.

He's using you for sex, probably isn't going to tell you because he doesn't see it as your business because you're a fuck buddy.

I'd bin him off

He's using you for sex because you are willing but why are you pretending he's a "friend" with benefits? You'd know if your friend was in a relationship. Stop being a fool.

People come on here with their shit show situations and then act all horrified when people react to said shit show.

If you don’t want people passing remarks about your circus, don’t offer it up on MN.

You have zero control once you put it out there. Come on. We ALL know how social media works in this day and age.

OP - leave the poor woman out of it. You’ve got enough going on - leave her to her shit show.

Move on from your ex, he’s not worth your time of day.

Sort out some decent contraception. I’m not judging - this is also what I had to do back in the day.

What I definitely did not do was offer up my situation for dissecting and judging on an international forum with 100s of 1000s of users, like MN. Big mistake.

Please tell her OP. If nothing else, she's at risk of losing the baby from an STI.

@Damaged27
You have done absolutely nothing wrong

But it seems messy all round and I wonder if that makes you happy?

Tell her... no, I wouldn't. I'd tell him straight and end it. And maybe have a bit of time to yourself to think how you want to go forward

Best of luck

But he won't tell you. He has had a whole year to tell you he was with her, and probably 8 weeks to tell you she was pregnant. Or even to end your FWB situation if he had any morals. There was nothing wrong with your actions if you genuinely believed he was single.

What would be wrong would now be to continue any form of contact with him. I also think she deserves to know so she can take care of her own sexual health. You're putting her and her baby at risk. And you're not protecting her. He is a cheating bustard and you can do her a favour now so she can leave him.

I'd say she needs to know so she has time to get away from this cheating scrote and terminate the pregnancy if she wants to.

Am guessing it's a joke.
It made me laugh anyway 😂😂

As a woman who's been cheated on I would have liked to know sooner rather than later. Other ppl saying it's not your place are wrong, you're allowing her a chance at an informed choice about her life

Some people on this thread have absolutely baffled me

If I was 12 weeks pregnant with my partners baby I would want to know if my partner was a cheating scumbag putting me and my baby at risk. Not telling her not "sparing her feelings" just as so telling her is not "punishing her". If she decides she wants to stay with him then let her but at least she would have all the facts.

And OP should not be shamed for the amount of sexual partners she has NOR the fact she's had an abortion.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do OP

If you’re sleeping with several different men you need to sort reliable contraception.

I don’t think it would be punishing her. She’s pregnant, and I think she has a right to know. This news could massively influence her decision to proceed with the pregnancy. In her shoes, I’d want to know that my relationship was a lie and in that situation I’d probably choose to have a termination.

Charming

I couldn't agree more. Everyone knows contraceptives fail, and OP has every right to have an abortion. The fact that she's slept with two different men within X space of time is irrelevant, since she is single and as far as she knew the men were also single.

Now she knows one of them is not, and that she has unknowingly become the "other woman". I get it, OP. In your situation I would tell her. She probably won't thank you for it, but at least you'll have planted a seed, if she didn't know.

I am not sure that I have ever read a response that says so well "I have no idea what this thread is about".