Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

[Damaged27]

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family.
Yabu. Don't tell her
Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

How did you find out?

Maybe you need to check all this with him before blowing her world apart!?

It's fwb we are not in a relationship we are allowed to sleep with other people

And you both were. I don’t think you’ve got a case here op, as upsetting as it is.

hope you’re ok.

Have you had unprotected sex with this man? If so, you absolutely need to tell her so she can get an STD screening, both for her sake and the baby's.

@quisensoucie

Of course there are.

You wouldn’t accept someone describing shagging a married man as a FWB situation would you? You would point out this was an affair.

The OP is has become an affair partner without her consent.

You seem to enjoy risking you health to have sex

This is a bizarre and unpleasant comment without foundation. Contraception does fail. Do you think that abortion should be illegal? Do you think there is evidence that having two sexual partners makes you more likely to get pregnant?

Of course tell her. You may not want to be involved (understandably) but unfortunately you have no choice and you are. There is no neutral action now. To not tell her would make you knowingly and deliberately complicit in his deception. I would also block him everywhere and never speak to him again.

Tell her. I would want to know if my dp was a cheating bastard

I'm usually firmly in the she has a right to know camp. However, she's unlikely to believe you as she's pregnant and vulnerable and he will trot out the usual crazy ex nonsense. In your shoes I think I'd just tell him he's a vile pig and have nothing more to do with him.

Firstly I'm on the mini pill so am using contraception we also use condoms the majority of the time. Secondly he is in a relationship with this other woman as this is what it says on her Facebook. Thirdly I'm 100% single and only sleeping with the fwb on a regular basis the other bloke was more a drunken one night stand. So no im not sleeping around. Also no I will not continue to have sex with him now that I know he is in a long term relationship and about to start a family. I really don't understand why I'm getting the blame for any of this when iv done absolutely nothing wrong.

You’ve offered your situation up for comment.

People have commented…? 🤷🏻‍♀️

This thread is grim.

So have you had an STI screen since the ons with a stranger? If you’ve been regularly shagging your ex, how can you be sure it wasn’t his?
The woman needs to know for her own health and to hopefully remove herself from this horrible exchanging of bodily fluids

From the minute she posted her situation for public comment.

Why are people so naive?

Yes I have it was done the same time as sorting out the abortion. It came back all clear

This. OP fell pregnant and had an abortion recently so she might also have STIs. Really risky to have sex with multiple men and not use condoms (unless one tore and that's how she fell pregnant). I really hope the pregnant gf doesn't have STIs because of her bf and the OP.

Edit: Just read that OP doesn't use condoms every time she has sex. She has sex with multiple men so the poor pregnant gf needs to know about all this sex so she can be tested for STIs! That poor baby.

@Damaged27

OP I think I wouldn't say anything to your ex-FWB's new partner, especially if she's beyond 12 weeks. I would, however, give him his marching orders and steer well clear of him from now on. Once you've done that, block and delete on all platforms and then stop looking at their socials.

I wonder if you're the only FWB he's had or whether there are any more in the shadows? 🌹

So you don't always use condoms when you have sex with him. Please tell her now, she needs an STI screening asap.

What a mess. OP, you need to lose this guy's number. He is an ex for good reasons, by the looks of it

I think you should definitely tell her. She has a right to know and it's only fair for her own health and that of her unborn baby. Oh and to know she had a bastard of a partner.

I think the main thing you did wrong was probably posting in AIBU as opposed to relationships or chat OP.

Oh and fwiw I would probably feel she ought to know but would be very wussy. I might be tempted to see if I could get the word back to her via a mutual. As in "OMG is that Colin she's pregnant with? Bloody hell what a ratbag !! Ugh I was still seeing him casually and he never told me he was with someone!! What a bastard!!!!!"

This is the problem we have no mutual friends she lives an hour away. I know nothing about her accept what iv seen on Facebook

(you could pretend to be upset on your own behalf if you wanted to deflect the kind of sexist judgement you have experienced on here, maybe, but anyway direct your outrage squarely where it belongs at loverat Colin)

Ah. Rats indeed

This.

The man inflicted pain already. The other woman already probably suspects if this man is unfaithful. If this was me, I would want to know- the only thing OP would be guilty for if she didn’t say anything and let this man keep hurting this poor woman.

Because of sexism. You really haven’t done anything wrong and it speaks to your character that you are considering risking taking on all her anger by letting her know what he’s been doing.