Should I tell her he's been sleeping with me

[Damaged27]

Changed name for this as its really outing. My ex and I have been sleeping together since we broke up kind of a fwb situation. Where not together and free to do whatever with whoever. However iv just found out, not from him that he has been in a relationship with another woman for almost a year and she is a minimum of 12 weeks pregnant with his child. He has not said a word to me about this. Aibu to tell her or should I just walk away and let them have their little family.
Yabu. Don't tell her
Yanbu. Tell her what a cheating asshole she is with.

If you’re single and sexually active with multiple partners - fair play.

But you really should be water-tight on the contraception front.

I mean, not only is that sensible - but it’s surely going to make the entire exercise easier and more enjoyable. You know, the fun aspects, and presumably why everyone’s even doing all this!

Having pregnancy scares / STIs / abortions and/or babies is a massive buzz kill in this scenario.

So what? OP never said they were an exclusive fwb situation and the other guy also knew that. Safe sex is important and that's the only problem I see here, otherwise OP could have fallen pregnant from with this cheating guy's child.

👏👏👏

Oh this is just awful. What a fucking scumbag. Seriously men just fucking destroy lives. I’m so glad I’m single. I don’t even want a fwb even this comes with drama. I’ll stick with my vibrator 😂

I assume you are going to do the decent thing and stop sleeping with this piece of shit. If you don’t you are as bad as him.

I wouldn't say anything. She's not your friend, you don't know her. I'd block him and walk away. And get checked out at a sexual health clinic.

I don’t think you should tell her under the circumstances as this will make her & possibly her baby suffer deeply. The distress it’ll cause in her condition. She will have dreadful memories forever of what should be the most beautiful time in her life. No don’t. But I’d defo tell him u know tho, make the little prick sweat.

How did you know the pregnancy wasn't your ex's doing?
Tell the poor woman ( send a letter if you have to). Be factual and concise.
I must be getting old as all this bonking, especially as a single mum with kids to look after as well , is just making me tired.

@Damaged27

Having read most of your posts, it seems to me that you are just angry and want to smash up his other relationship. You just want to cause him agro and pain, well that is your prerogative. But don't try to kid anyone you are being noble, you just want to get back at your fuck buddy because you don't like the rules anymore.

You are not the morality police. None of your business. As you say you were both free to do what you want, he didn’t have to tell you anything. Are you jealous? Grow up and walk away.

Fwb and open relationships are just that. He owes you nothing.

He owes his partner more, but no doubt he's not going to say anything.

Should you tell her, no. She's pregnant fgs, she has porridge brain and feels vulnerable already. What's the likely outcome? She leaves him and spends her pregnancy freting about how she's going to bring the child up? Yes she should know, but not from you. The best thing you can do is stop being used by him - even though you think it's mutual it isn't - maybe he'll be happy with her.

I struggle to get anyone interested in me at all let alone x2 men...you must be drop dead gorgeous

I would want to know. I would want to know what kind of man I'm having a child with, especially if there are future plans being made. I think helping women make informed decisions is important, and information on a cheating partner is no different. What she does with the information is up to her.

Did he tell you anything about the pregnancy then? Hopefully you didn’t have sex with him again

😭😭😭 omg this comment!!

this is a serious topic but this comment !

If she hadn't been pregnant I think it would be very much down to the OP's own morals and mores whether she told her FWB's partner.

But she is pregnant and that changes things. From a completely medical point of view the chain of partners OP has described means there is an opportunity for the foetus to become infected with a blood borne virus or STI. Without treatment these can have some really nasty outcomes. If the pregnant partner is oblivious to the risks she's not going to be in place where she can access treatment if she needs it.

This is horrible situation OP and entirely not of your making but I think you need to find a way to let her know.

Tell her bc if he's shagging around while she's pregnant, he'll be sleeping around through their whole married life

And also you may not be his only other sex partner... STDs etc especially for the baby

1. Make a fake FB account
2. Message the woman, telling her that you're aware that her significant other is cheating and that she should be checked for STDs as a precaution.
3. Never talk to your ex again

Wait..so you lve been shagging him and this other fella both at the same time...and you're wondering if she should know? Seriously?? Erm yes, and maybe the 4 of you could take a trip to your local sexual health clinic together 😂

I judge me. But a poster was saying this isn't a messy situation. But if it wasn't, the OP wouldn't be here posting for advice. That's what I'm saying. I'm not judging the OP, but I wouldn't say this is straight forward either. The OP feels like she's in a dilemma so 🤷‍♀️

Since you have been sleeping with lord knows who I think you ought to tell her so she can have a STD check, oh, and get one yourself while you are at it, sounds as though your social circle is a bit casual when it comes to unprotected sex with multiple partners.

Or not too picky.

OP I'm wondering what's wrong with people's reading comprehension. You've done nothing wrong, you haven't 'slept with lord knows who' (and so what if you had!), you aren't being possessive or bitter or meddling.

I think your reaction, ending the fwb arrangement and wondering whether to tell the pregnant partner, is honourable. And that telling him you know and expect him to tell his partner was the right way forward.

I hope you haven't ended up too bruised by last night's conversation and see a way forward now.

I think the problem is more that she appears to be having sex with multiple people without protection, as does he and the women he's sleeping with. That's OPs/his choice but I think it's a stupid, dangerous, unnecessary choice

Op had two sexual partners... What do you consider acceptable casual sex?

It's not just op involved here. The man she had sex with, anyone else either of these men have sex with. You're looking to be offended. Sad for the woman involved.