To think this is an unfair bill split?

[Willow39]

Hi all.
I am a full time student who is also working full time. I earn £1200pm after tax. I'm a trainee teacher and have to work as a TA full time during my course so I'm stuck for options work wise.

My partner and I have just moved into an apartment with rent of £1300pm. Bills are circa £400pm so £1700 all in to run it. The flat is nothing special and price is because we are in London.

I contribute £800 which is just under 50% of everything, leaving me £75 a week disposable income after my personal bills.

However, my partner earns significantly more than me at circa £3000pm

I'm in a sticky situation where I agreed to this bill share when we moved in and now I'm really left in the shit. I can just about pay for fuel and food for the week if I'm careful.

I have tried to bring this up to him and he just gets angry saying that I'm going back on everything and that it's my fault that I chose to go to university and take my career path. He told me I should get a second job to support myself but I can't manage even more hours on top of one full time job and full time university...

Any advice on how to handle it with him?

Do you get on with your mum and dad? Is it possible to carry on with your job and everything else and also live with your parents? I would be on the phone to my mum tomorrow morning if so and I would move out tomorrow night.

This is a blessing in disguise.

Thank god you're not pregnant and move out.

He's shown his colours, and you need to believe that this is who he is, he's not going to change.

Move back in with your parents, get qualified and start your fabulous life without him.

Two things. Move back with your mum and dad and leave him to it.

Second the only thing that cured my nail biting after 30 years was working in a really really scary homeless shelter. Turns out hepatitis risk will stop me. I feel your pain.

I think given your stage of life and career and relationship it is fair to expect it to be more of a housemate style agreement.

What I would not be happy with is that he pressured you into agreeing - you have your own agency why has he decided to overrule your own decision making to such an extent he can emotionally force you into agreeing?

I would also not be happy about the glove thing.

If you break up would you be able to claim some benefits?

Or just break up with him and move out and back with your parents. You aren't on the tenancy anyway.

You only seem to be responding to questions about your nails now-will you respond to any others?

Can you move back in with your parents or into a student house share? How long tilll you qualify?

Well, there's a vision of your future. A man that doesn't mind seeing you going without, doesn't value your studies (and you can replace that with career soon) and is happy to live the high life while you're skint.

Think really carefully about whether you want to live like this forever.

He strikes me as the type of man that will still want your same contribution when you're on maternity leave, won't pay for child related stuff (and there's a LOT of that!) and is generally tight with you while he goes on a golfing holiday.

This

I have 2 years until I qualify then I'll be on 30k. Yes I can move back home but I doubt my parents would be too keen as they've finally got an empty nest and loving it... I'm talking to them today

Have also put feelers out for more work as honestly I do need more money, with or without him

Yes but do your parents know the bill split? Explain you just can't afford to live with your boyfriend.

You can look for other places to live that are more affordable for you later

Or just tell your parents he’s not the one. They might be relieved and they’ll know they can’t help you there.
Good luck! You know what you need to do.

https://moyou.co.uk/collections/gel-nail-strips-best-sellers look at these nail strips- they are a semi-cured gel you can do at home and are much cheaper than a manicure- they look just as good, are quite easy and mine last about 2 weeks.
Otherwise I think it is a bit much to expect a boyfriend of 2 years to subsidise your living costs. I think he was unkind in telling you you could afford it and pressuring you, but likewise you know your means and are an adult so should've pushed back.

I moved a distance to move in with my partner, far enough to have to give up work.
I really enjoyed my job and had worked there over 5 years.
When I moved my partner was mindful I'd taken a big step to move in with him and wanted me to settle in the new area and suggested I took some time out to find my feet and also get a job that I would be happy in.
He carried on with bills , paid my fuel , paid for food & living costs.
In all it took about a year for all that including the new job etc.
Needless to say we are still together 15 years on .

For the future, I would say that unless a man’s intentions are honourable and clearly stated and agreeable to you, anything other than fifty fifty for general living expenses puts you in a weak position and should be avoided.

He's a rotter. It's cruel to make you live on £75/month spending money.

It’s £75 a week. For a student, that isn’t bad!

Exactly 2 years? January 2025? Or is it September 2026, @Willow39 ?

If you were my daughter - and you might well be a similar age to DD - I'd absolutely want you back home. He's not a kind man and putting up with his behaviour is not a good start to life away from your parents.

Regardless of them being happy to have the house to themselves at the moment, they'll probably feel the same way if you tell them what's going on.

Onwards and upwards, OP. Put this one behind you.

Regardless of the fact that you're studying, it is not fair to split bills things 50-50 if you earn £1,200 and he earns £3,000 each month. Your joint income each month is £4,200 and he earns just over 70% of that, therefore he should be paying 70% of the rent and bills.

I sympathise re. the nails by the way. I am also a compulsive nail biter and get my nails done for exactly the same reason as you. My fingers would be bleeding if I didn't.

The OP's circumstances are not the circumstances of most students, though. An 18-year-old student who goes home in the holidays, has a student loan and lives in student accommodation and has all the access to student benefits, and can probably get help from their parents in an emergency if they run out of money or have an unexpected expense, is not in the same situation as someone who is studying for a degree while working full-time in their 20s and living with their partner.

Regardless of the fact that you're studying, it is not fair to split bills things 50-50 if you earn £1,200 and he earns £3,000 each month. Your joint income each month is £4,200 and he earns just over 70% of that, therefore he should be paying 70% of the rent and bills.

The OP and her boyfriend agreed on the split when they moved in together -she would pay £800 and he pays £900. She could have said I can’t do that-I want you to pay more-or she could have said I will stay with my parents or let’s wait till I qualify when I will be earning.

If you don’t want to move back home, @Willow39, what about living in a student house where you will probably be paying a bit less for bills at least, if they are shared 5/6 ways? You’ve said you can’t work more and you can’t force him to pay more, so what else could you do?

This is interesting… if a woman came on here saying her boyfriend of two years is expecting her to pay part of his share, even though there are no children involved, the answer would be the same, LTB, what a cocklodger.
OP’s mistake was to move I to a flat that is too expensive for her. So tell him that you cannot afford it and will move out. And then cut your cloth accordingly.

The OP will presumably have student loans as well if doing a degree. If you make the choice to move out of home and live on a TA wage, then you generally accept yes you will be skint. If you move away from home and live with quite a new boyfriend hoping he’ll pay more for your bills when that wasn’t what was agreed, then you may need to find an alternative plan.

Go back to your parents and leave him to it. He wants it all his own way.

This is absolutely something you should have discussed properly before moving in. This is one of those times you needed to sit down together with a calculator but it does look as though you felt bullied into it and i think on that basis you're not compatible