To think this is an unfair bill split?

[Willow39]

Hi all.
I am a full time student who is also working full time. I earn £1200pm after tax. I'm a trainee teacher and have to work as a TA full time during my course so I'm stuck for options work wise.

My partner and I have just moved into an apartment with rent of £1300pm. Bills are circa £400pm so £1700 all in to run it. The flat is nothing special and price is because we are in London.

I contribute £800 which is just under 50% of everything, leaving me £75 a week disposable income after my personal bills.

However, my partner earns significantly more than me at circa £3000pm

I'm in a sticky situation where I agreed to this bill share when we moved in and now I'm really left in the shit. I can just about pay for fuel and food for the week if I'm careful.

I have tried to bring this up to him and he just gets angry saying that I'm going back on everything and that it's my fault that I chose to go to university and take my career path. He told me I should get a second job to support myself but I can't manage even more hours on top of one full time job and full time university...

Any advice on how to handle it with him?

I know this isn’t really the point but what are your personal bills that are costing £325?

You only a partner. .in other words a flatmate. Either discuss this with him as adults which at the moment is 50:50 as housemates or find a cheaper place to rent

Can you get a room in house share. You don't have to live with a DP if you don't want to.

Missing the point here but how can you train as a teacher full time if you are working as a TA during school hours? When are your teaching practices?

I'm doing an accelerated degree in primary education. It's all online apart from 1 campus day a term. They check in with my school all the time

When I was doing a training year as part of my professional qualification that was paid a pittance (it was £800 odd pcm I think, in London, but it was 20 years ago) even my then partner - who is now my exh - paid well over his share of the bills.

Because he wanted us to be able to live together and knew that I couldn’t do it otherwise.

He's a cunt, a tight one at that-he actually sounds like he enjoys lording it over you.
In the bin for this one.

This is really not a partnership at all. Sometimes I think people on here are too quick to say LTB but I think they’re right this time. People like this never change. Get out now before you invest anymore time in this loser. At least you’re not married and don’t have kids.

How much longer on the tenancy?

I see his point. It's only been two years, it's not a commitment is it? He shouldn't have bullied you into sharing, but you should have stood up for yourself in not being able to afford it. I wouldn't subsidise anyone either that early in a relationship and particularly on moving in together.
Also sorry, it's not essential for you to get your nails done. It also makes me wonder what other things you think are essential.
Get a job as a Nanny via an agency in the school holidays for extra income.

Dunno where you got that number from

You prorate the rent and bills according to your share of the income surely?

He's living well off your back isn't he? Find a house share and leave him, see how he feels about managing with a 50% contribution of f*ck all.

He sounds awful. This is no partnership and there are some big red flags here. He persuaded you to go for this flat when you said you couldn’t afford it and sounds like he likes being better off than you and putting you down. He’d rather see you struggle than help out with the bills whilst you’re studying. Leave.

He doesn't sound like a nice person at all. It isn't a fair split when he earns significantly more. What does he spend his disposable cash on?

Also what if you decided to stay with this man and had a child and needed to stop work or reduce your hours , would he leave you with no money in that situation??

Hi. The school are partnered with my university. For my course, I have to either volunteer or work at one of the partnered schools full time. I started volunteering there then got hired after a couple months. It's an accelerated course so I do all my practical at my job and my studies online.

Ah! You’re doing the degree, not just the PGCE / qualification year? I couldn’t work out how you could possibly be training and working. How exhausting! How long do you have left on the course? Are there any other living arrangements you could consider?

And you end up as a qualified teacher?

There is nothing worse than a stingy man and take it from me, He will not change.
You most definitely do not want to have children with this man. He is mean and selfish and not a caring person. I would honestly end it now because the longer you stay with him the longer you are wasting your best years with a man who will never be able to treat you how you deserve to be.

Nails aren't essential for me looks wise. They hurt, I bite them down to the nub and they bleed. I've had hypnotherapy, CBT, the lot. Nothing helps. I just wear gloves now and put plasters around my fingers instead.

Where else are you going to live somewhere decent for £800 all in in London? How much was it costing you to live before?

Dh and I pooled all finances as soon as we moved in together. I wouldnt accept anything less in a live in relationship, particularly one that is 2 years in. You should both know by now what your long term intentions are.

Is this the way you see yourself living together ongoing? What happens if you have kids and you go on maternity leave?

Time to really reflect on if this feels "right" (clue: it isn't)

When did you start the degree? Did you have a full time job when you first met your boyfriend?

that it's my fault that I chose to go to university

This makes it sound like he isn’t supportive of your course, so presuming it’s a 3 year degree, you have a long road ahead of you!

If you split up and have to find somewhere else to rent, I presume you’d be paying a similar amount as a flat share, could you manage that?

just to add onto this, the longer you stay with him, and the more he acts like this, it will make you feel worse and worse about yourself. I left my stingy boyfriend because I came to accept that he wouldn't change, and I deserve so much more.

Where were you living before?

I don’t personally think that just a boyfriend (or girlfriend!) is obliged to subsidise the other at this stage in a relationship. That’s not a popular view on MN, but I don’t actually see living together as always being a sign particularly committed relationship. That’s not to say I think it’s wrong if they do - if everyone’s happy, fine. I just don’t think it’s a necessary part of a relationship this early.

He was quite clear how he wanted to split bills, and you went ahead with that. So he’s not wrong.

He pressured you into it - so he sounds like an arse and there’s no future in a thing with an arse - but you could have said no.

I would give notice and leave asap.

You've been with him 2 years.

Do you want to be with him when you're on maternity leave earning literally nothing and you have to take out loans or credit card debt just to pay your half of the bills?

Do you want to be stuck with a man whose attitude is that it's 50:50 or nothing, despite the fact 50% of a lot leaves you with a lot. 50% of not very much leaves you with very little.

He's not supportive of your degree and it sounds like he's making it deliberately hard to punish you for your decision. He's pushing you to take on expensive rent and bills because it suits him, without any thought as to how it will negatively affect you.

Get. Rid. This relationship is not worth trying to change him. With an attitude that bad you're lucky you found this out prekids.