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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is an unfair bill split?

241 replies

Willow39 · 30/01/2024 21:03

Hi all.
I am a full time student who is also working full time. I earn £1200pm after tax. I'm a trainee teacher and have to work as a TA full time during my course so I'm stuck for options work wise.

My partner and I have just moved into an apartment with rent of £1300pm. Bills are circa £400pm so £1700 all in to run it. The flat is nothing special and price is because we are in London.

I contribute £800 which is just under 50% of everything, leaving me £75 a week disposable income after my personal bills.

However, my partner earns significantly more than me at circa £3000pm

I'm in a sticky situation where I agreed to this bill share when we moved in and now I'm really left in the shit. I can just about pay for fuel and food for the week if I'm careful.

I have tried to bring this up to him and he just gets angry saying that I'm going back on everything and that it's my fault that I chose to go to university and take my career path. He told me I should get a second job to support myself but I can't manage even more hours on top of one full time job and full time university...

Any advice on how to handle it with him?

OP posts:

5128gap · 30/01/2024 22:07

Split up with him. You have very different attitudes to finances within a relationship. He believes you should each pay your way, you believe a higher earner should support you. There is no meeting in the middle on this, because its based on fundamentally different views that typically people don't change.
You each need someone who shares your belief that proportional contributions are fair. (I'm sure there's plenty of guys out there on less money than you who'd snatch your hand off!)

LorlieS · 30/01/2024 22:09

@Willow39 It's probably wise you're not on the Tenancy Agreement. That way you're not legally responsible for the rent and could move out if you needed to.
Conversely of course, partner could ask you to leave.
Would you have anywhere to go?

SleepPrettyDarling · 30/01/2024 22:09

He’s being really selfish, and I can’t understand how he begrudges contributing more.

Ensure your contraception is bulletproof.

How many years will you be in training? Can you take on a summer job? You need to plot out your finances for the next 2-3 years because plan A is not working, and I don’t know if you have a Plan B that is going to leave you with any more than you have now. Have you looked at alternatives, eg a house share without him?

Shinyandnew1 · 30/01/2024 22:10

If you think this isn’t fair and need to move out, what do you think you will have to pay somewhere else?

C1N1C · 30/01/2024 22:12

Nail biting... gonna ebay and buy some denatonium benzoate . Mix up a 1% solution and dab onto nails. It's the most bitter substance known to man (or woman), and is used in cleaning products to stop babies or kids eating them. Absolutely harmless.

Alternatively, spend a bit more (~£8) and buy Mylee - The Bite Stuff from amazon. It's nail varnish with this chemical in. After a few nibbles, you'll regret you'd ever thought of it!

Bornonsunday · 30/01/2024 22:12

Caffeinequeen91 · 30/01/2024 21:57

You say your take home is 1200 and you contribute 800. That leaves 400. But you said you’ve got 75 disposable income after personal bills. 400-75 = 325 you’re saying goes on personal bills.

Show quote history

£1200 - £800 = £400
£75 left per week, so around £300 total
£100 personal bills

noooooooo · 30/01/2024 22:14

Willow39 · 30/01/2024 21:30

We have been together for 2 years. When we were looking at the place I was very on edge and not sure. I said no, that I couldn't afford it and my boyfriend essentially persuaded me that I would be fine having such limited disposable income as I 'don't need that much'
Now that it's actually happening I'm anxious all the time and feel guilty spending any money, even on essentials. I really need my nails done as I'm a severe nail biter (anxiety driven) so I get acrylics every 5 weeks to cover them to stop me doing it but I can't bring myself to justify paying for this anymore. I was crying last night about the pain of my nails and instead of offering to help me pay for a set, he gave me a pair of gloves... I know that sounds like such a silly luxury but I wish his mindset was different and he wanted to look after me a little. I feel stupid

Sadistic AF

Choux · 30/01/2024 22:14

Willow39 · 30/01/2024 21:51

Can I just say that I am not actually on the tenancy agreement by the way. My boyfriend told the landlord that I wouldn't be a paying tenant because of my income. (He was just worried I'd get declined for affordability)
So I'm not on the tenancy but the landlord knows I'm here

Perfect - you can just pack and leave.

Between you you earn £4,200 a month and the rent and bills are about 40% of your joint earnings so a fair split would be that you each pay 40% of your pay towards the rent and billls. That would be £500 for you and £1,200 for him. But you are paying £300 more than that.

If he thinks it's ok that you are broke and he has £2k a month disposable income he is not a keeper.

fairo · 30/01/2024 22:15

Willow39 · 30/01/2024 21:51

Yaaay! Move out! You'd have to find another flat share I guess - how much would that be? Probably about the same? I think 2 years in he's still a boyfriend and isn't as committed as you think you are so to him it makes sense you'd split he shouldn't have bullied you into it though.

fairo · 30/01/2024 22:17

What was your plan for accommodation before you met him?

selfishmeow · 30/01/2024 22:21

You do realise that op will be worse off if she just packs her stuff and leaves, she lives in London! Not saying she should put up with it though. Op Where did you live before you moved in with him?

RawBloomers · 30/01/2024 22:21

Willow39 · 30/01/2024 21:51

In that case, look for somewhere cheaper that you can afford and move out.

It’s a hard lesson - finding out that a long term boyfriend doesn’t care about your wellbeing. But the only way to deal with it is to face it head on and do what you need to to look after yourself.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/01/2024 22:22

I can’t imagine my DH as a boyfriend would have done this to me when I was a student. If we had made a financial plan that left me struggling, I’m sure we would have negotiated.

However…

I absolutely wouldn’t have expected him to support me after two years though when that’s not what was agreed, that’s no time at all. I would have (and did) live in a cheap student house that had rent and bills shared between 5, ate super noodles and could only have dreamt of £75 spending money a week! It sounds a bit like you moved in with him hoping he’d change his mind and pay more.

Would a student house share be a better option for you? You’re not on the tenancy so could move out asap.

DisforDarkChocolate · 30/01/2024 22:24

Move out. Imagine the fun of being on maternity leave with this what.

Original poster

Willow39 · 30/01/2024 22:51

selfishmeow · 30/01/2024 22:21

You do realise that op will be worse off if she just packs her stuff and leaves, she lives in London! Not saying she should put up with it though. Op Where did you live before you moved in with him?

I have always lived with my parents until now

OP posts:

Fetaa · 30/01/2024 22:53

Move back in with parents. Great you’re not married, not on his tenancy, not got kids, means you’ll easily leave

Original poster

Willow39 · 30/01/2024 22:53

C1N1C · 30/01/2024 22:12

Alternatively, spend a bit more (~£8) and buy Mylee - The Bite Stuff from amazon. It's nail varnish with this chemical in. After a few nibbles, you'll regret you'd ever thought of it!

Thank you for taking the time to type this. Ive tried this and I still bite through it despite the taste. I'll bite through anything on my nails that isn't acrylic

OP posts:

LadyGAgain · 30/01/2024 22:55

He is mugging you right off. He is an arse. He got you gloves??? And you're not on the tenancy? See ya mate.

Quitelikeit · 30/01/2024 22:58

I suspect the tight man has sensed ops mood and is being very nice to her (for the moment)

I hope I am wrong but op doesn’t seem keen to discuss anything aside from her nails now

redastherose · 30/01/2024 23:02

@Willow39 just pack up and leave, if he's tight and selfish now he'll always be like that. Move back in with your folks and you'll be able to relax and concentrate on your studies and getting qualified. He's simply not a keeper.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/01/2024 23:06

If he wants to split bills equally he needs to rent somewhere you can afford. But this doesn't sound like a supportive bf

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/01/2024 23:08

Also you could try babysitting in the meantime
X

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/01/2024 23:09

Do you have alternative accom and can you get out of this lease?

Codlingmoths · 30/01/2024 23:10

I’d move straight back to my parents. This one is not a keeper. If he complains about the cost of the apartment when you leave, you say cheerily you were so confident I’d be fine with almost nothing left a month for spending so I don’t understand why you think this is a problem? Just tell yourself what you told me when you bullied me into moving in to start with.
onwards and upwards!!

KevinMcAllistereatsyellowsnow · 30/01/2024 23:19

This man is not a partner, he's a cocklodger.
More red flags than a Chinese picnic

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