To think this is an unfair bill split?

[Willow39]

Hi all.
I am a full time student who is also working full time. I earn £1200pm after tax. I'm a trainee teacher and have to work as a TA full time during my course so I'm stuck for options work wise.

My partner and I have just moved into an apartment with rent of £1300pm. Bills are circa £400pm so £1700 all in to run it. The flat is nothing special and price is because we are in London.

I contribute £800 which is just under 50% of everything, leaving me £75 a week disposable income after my personal bills.

However, my partner earns significantly more than me at circa £3000pm

I'm in a sticky situation where I agreed to this bill share when we moved in and now I'm really left in the shit. I can just about pay for fuel and food for the week if I'm careful.

I have tried to bring this up to him and he just gets angry saying that I'm going back on everything and that it's my fault that I chose to go to university and take my career path. He told me I should get a second job to support myself but I can't manage even more hours on top of one full time job and full time university...

Any advice on how to handle it with him?

This is kind of confusing though because £800 a month is not expensive for rent plus bills for a student in London (or in fact in many other locations). If you didn't live with him where would you live? Eg if you can live at your parents home for free I'd be leaving to do that! For an independent adult it seems like an option you could only take to qualify if funded by a partner and I certainly remember lots of mature students on my pgce many years ago in exactly that position. But it doesn't sound like he did agree to fund you?

Leave him.

I wouldn't be with a stingy bloke.

I have tried to bring this up to him and he just gets angry
leave him.

are you planning to stay in London on a teachers salary? What’s your original career path?

Can I just say that I am not actually on the tenancy agreement by the way. My boyfriend told the landlord that I wouldn't be a paying tenant because of my income. (He was just worried I'd get declined for affordability)
So I'm not on the tenancy but the landlord knows I'm here

This is who he is, you need to ltb, as things will not improve.

Honestly? I would leave him, leave the flat - give notice if you need to and find a house share with 3/4 nice people where it’s much cheaper.
you say ‘partner’ do you just mean boyfriend? Leave him. He doesn’t see you as a long term thing OR he’s tight. Either way this isn’t working for you.

Not even on the tenancy? I would pack up and leave tomorrow then. Leave him to it - tell him you can’t afford to stay. Soz.

Good lord, leave him! He is not a partner. He does not care about you.

DH and I moved in together when I went to university and he paid more than I did. We got engaged a week after moving in which made me feel better about him paying more because me getting better qualified was for our joint future.

This man has talked you into a more expensive flat then you needed and is now refusing to pay extra. What a dick! Get out now before you commit yourself any further.

‘are you planning to stay in London on a teachers salary? What’s your original career path?’

teachers do live in London!

You need to find a more affordable living situation. Your boyf isn't under any obligation to sub you, given you're in a relatively young relationship. He does sound a bit of a dick though, he should not have over-influenced you into living somewhere out of your means.

Late DH took a bit of a financial hit when I went back to university to retrain as a social worker. I also worked nearly full time, even on placement and we split household stuff. They way he saw it was that on qualifying it would even out in the future. I was a qualified nurse before then (many years ago and high band E, so leaving a goodish income but I hated the job and did not want to progress).

Honestly OP, he does not sound supportive and I would question why he pushed you to live together knowing the full facts. Working full time and undertaking teacher training is not for the feignt hearted, the work load will be off the scale. As you are at university, consider accessing student support/counselling to talk it through properly and use the space to decide how to move forward in this relationship.

He is not going to improve. He is tight, greedy and mean.

He is actually using YOU to help pay for HIS accommodation!

Can you go back home?

If so I suspect he will panic and offer to pay a little more of the rent but resent you for it!

Leave him. My partner outearns me by 4x and we have always split bills proportionally. The way he viewed it (and I) is that I would have lived somewhere much cheaper if I was single. We lived in his house together for years and when we next bought a house together he laughed at the solicitor who suggested tenants in common when we wanted to upsize. I'm on the mortgage as 50;50 but in reality, I couldn't afford 50% of our mortgage.

You say your take home is 1200 and you contribute 800. That leaves 400. But you said you’ve got 75 disposable income after personal bills. 400-75 = 325 you’re saying goes on personal bills.

What you need right now is a cheap rate that includes bills in a share. Start asking around there are loads of people who might have a spare room they’d rent to a nice trainee teacher for a bit of extra cash when they wouldn’t necessarily official be looking for renters per se

This boyfriend has given you a gift in signing up the tenancy by himself! If you are able to stay with friends or family, you can leave with your things tomorrow.

Life's too short to put up with this sort of stress, and I can understand why you are feeling anxious. I expect your anxiety will reduce drastically once you aren't constantly trying to figure out how to make your money go further, due to your DP's lack of support.

I have re read and you say £75 a WEEK disposable income. That makes more sense.

Look - he just doesn’t like you OP.

When my DH and I first got together he wanted to move in and I couldn’t afford anything fancy - we moved in somewhere we could easily afford together, we were a team from day 1.

Sorry but you are an adult and you need to start behaving like one. If you can't afford to live in London on your salary then you should have thought about either saving up first before starting your training, thinking about a more lucative career or moving to a cheaper area. Nice if your boyfriend wants to subsidise you, but no reason he should with a 2 Yr relationship and no kids.

It sounds like you agreed on the split of bills for this flat but have now changed your mind.

What do you want to happen? For him to say he will now pay more of the bills/rent? When do you qualify? If he earns £3000 a month, it is likely he will always earn more than you.

Nails - get a lamp and a couple of gel polishes and do them yourself (cost the same as one appointment but last ages and you can redo whenever suits you).

partner - isn’t being supportive or your cheerleader, instead they’re being an unsympathetic landlord. You deserve better. Once you’re trained as a teacher your income will improve so he’s shortsighted and you can find someone who sees your worth beyond subsidising his existence. Good luck op.

OP - what will happen with paying bills when you qualify and your earnings go up? Is this a conversation you've had with him?

Completely agree with other posters OP. Be thankful he has shown you his colours before you have children or a mortgage. Can you move back in with your parents?

You need to tell him you have made a mistake and you have realised you can't afford to live in the flat and contribute the £800. Either he is happy to reassess and he pays a little bit more, or if he isn't then tell him you will be making alternative living arrangements.

Can you move back home? If not, have you looked doing a house share, spare room is good for that, but I'm not sure you would get anything for £800 in London to be honest.