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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

619 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

OP posts:
doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 07:52

OldPerson · 02/02/2024 22:14

Absolutely not right. You people don't know each other - so he shouldn't be leaving his child with you. That's his bad. Also mum is probably not going to be up for plaiting hair immediately after birth. And you'll probably end up being taken advantage of with other things - like him dropping child with you when mum is in labour?? Unless you want them in your life on a daily/weekly, I'd just tell Dad you've reconsidered and your mum has advised you not to accept responsibility for his child, because you don't have the experience with such small children. Dad is either dumb and helpless or highly manipulative. But you need to set your boundaries.

It's good to see someone with such an awful outlook on people is sound so having not even read the updates, just talking rubbish.

The baby's been born a girl, coming home Sunday and OP didn't look after the child, she just did the plait! Also, where does it say that the child was left with her alone? She mentions that she had a chat with dad, he introduced himself properly, he was less stressed (presumably because his wife who was taken to hospital by ambulance, was stable), so you've made up all sorts of nonsense and assumed the absolute worse, because he is a man!

Shameful!

Just remember that NAMALT !

doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 07:54

@OldPerson and proper grown ups don't ask mummy to advise them on such irrelevant rubbish!

Dear god!

They can say, I can't do it, but OP is happy.

doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 07:56

Grandmabedbuddy · 03/02/2024 00:36

Firstly, I don’t think it is weird, you’re a neighbour not someone random, albeit you don’t know them other than waving and saying ‘hello’. Secondly, if it was me that was asked and the time was ok I’d gladly do it to help out, only problem with me is I can’t plait, except when it’s from a ponytail. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ My two girls had beautiful hair, I just couldn’t do all the nice hair styles, they just had simple ones, I was always envious and amazed at the school gates of the mums who could do beautiful styles, I always felt inadequate.. My ex husband could do their hair better than me, I’m too fingers and thumbs. 🤣🤣🤣 Lastly, I think it’s nice that a loving father wants his little girl to have nice hair for school, plus I’m sure the mum will be pleased and thankful. Girls and boys that age can be mean, it’s best things are kept as normal as possible. From a grandma aged 62.

Lucky you're a women than, because if you were a man unable to do hair, you'd be deemed dumb, manipulative, lazy balh blah

Fuckitletshavevino · 03/02/2024 08:11

I haven’t read the replies so if this has already been said I apologise!

Yes it is weird for him to ask you BUT to put it another way, also really thoughtful too. The last thing he thought about was hairstyles with the anticipation of a new baby on the way and and especially for mum to be in hospital unplanned. We all know it takes years and LOTS of practice to master just even the simplest of ponytails.

Regardless if you have children or not he clearly appreciates you as a neighbour and more so trusts you with the task at hand.

on another note……I would love for someone to brush and plait my hair (it’s long and reaches by buttocks). You free for adults too 🤣🤣

saraclara · 03/02/2024 08:12

doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 07:54

@OldPerson and proper grown ups don't ask mummy to advise them on such irrelevant rubbish!

Dear god!

They can say, I can't do it, but OP is happy.

So when I couldn't get the oil filter cap off when I was trying to top up the oil on my car, knocking on a neighbours door to apologetically ask him if he could wrestle it for me was 'asking daddy'? And yes, in my late 60s I'm definitely a grown up.

Good grief. I hate having to ask anyone for help, but sometimes you have to, and I very much hope that if I could help, a random neighbour would feel able to ask me. Especially if it depends help an anxious child.
That's pretty much how I grew up, in a community where people with skills would help out a neighbour who didn't.

charabang · 03/02/2024 08:13

He's an idiot man who is passing his responsibilty for his child onto the nearesr random woman. Why has he never learned how to look after his own daughter? Ridiculous!

Fuckitletshavevino · 03/02/2024 08:16

@charabang he only asked if OP could plait his daughters hair. Not being able to style hair is hardly a man that can’t take care of his child.

WhitewitchYorkshire · 03/02/2024 08:21

I wonder if you’d all think it was weird if the mum came round with the same request?
just interested….

Fuckitletshavevino · 03/02/2024 08:29

@WhitewitchYorkshire exactly this! x

doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 09:32

@saraclara I suggest you read the comment I was referring too!

Mani2024 · 03/02/2024 09:53

A friend of mine went into hospital leaving her husband and six year old girl at home. Her daughter is lovely but very particular and can become extremely upset about her hair. As her mother does it for her every day and her father hadn’t a clue how to do French plaits he called me flustered one morning asking if I could go round and sort her hair because he couldn’t get her out the door to school. I wasn’t able to help, I have two young kids of my own and I’d already left for work. Obviously I know this family by I’d say this man is just navigating a hard time and trying to find a way to make his daughter happy and feel settled while her mum is in hospital.

sighsloudly · 03/02/2024 10:00

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Ohmydaisy · 03/02/2024 10:33

I think it's lovely you helping them, it doesn't mean he's a bad husband or father...just he's never done plaits before. My husband is very hands on but I've just always been the one to do the kids hair. It is a bit random, but If we all helped each other out a bit maybe our neighbours would be friends not strangers ❤️

Ohmydaisy · 03/02/2024 10:35

P.s I still haven't mastered french plaits and I've got 4 long haired daughters....I just can't get my head round it. 🙃

PerspicaciaTick · 03/02/2024 11:22

I think the OP is a genuinely kind person and her updates are great.

A lot of couples fall into routines. You get the packed lunch while I plait her hair etc.
He tried a plait, managed a plait but his DD wasn't happy as it felt and looked different. Rather than continue with something they both found stressful he asked for help.
It sounds like he is willing to learn from OP. And everyone was happy with the arrangement.

beansoup · 03/02/2024 12:34

One way of getting to know your neighbours better!

We knew all our neighbours when I was kid - I find it weird that as an adult and living down south, I know them only to wave/say hello to!

Lovely of you to help out.

H1llfields5 · 03/02/2024 13:37

Absolutely

Mrssnee16 · 03/02/2024 13:55

I would find it a little weird, but dad's obviously thinking of other things just now and the little girl will be missing her mum doing her hair, think of it as a nice way of starting a friendship with your neighbours...

Kayjay28 · 03/02/2024 14:05

It is Abit bizarre, however hes a dad and I have known dad's to do stranger things to keep their kids happy. He properly tried to do other things for her but she wasn't happy with it so he came to the nearest women he knows to do it 🤣 bless him!

Violet1964 · 03/02/2024 14:06

Yes it is weird!! And not OK for someone to put you on the spot like that. How do you know what he's saying is true? Is he staying with her to have her hair done whilst you do it? Could it be an excuse to get closer to you? Find the whole thing strange

Violet1964 · 03/02/2024 14:10

Also unless there's something seriously wrong with due baby! Mum shouldn't be in hospital that long. So find it weird you need to do it everyday. How long for? She shouldn't be gone long. Story sounds weird

Mumof3girlygirls · 03/02/2024 14:21

I'd find it really strange but some wouldn't I suppose it depends on the person! I think fair play to him as my 7 Yr old is too young to do her own hair and I know for a fact when I was in hospital last year my husband didn't even think about brushing it let alone styling 🤣🤣

NatashaAG · 03/02/2024 14:26

Hi 👋 if it was me I would do it for him just out of kindness. Its not really weird as his wife is in hospital and he just needs a bit of help and extra support, especially if they have no family around.

ChangingPhoto · 03/02/2024 14:29

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/01/2024 20:37

It's weird and I would've offered to show him but declined doing it for him. Other hairstyles are available and I refuse to enable men to expect the nearest vagina to step in and care for their children.

Edited

Yep. Same.

ChangingPhoto · 03/02/2024 14:32

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 01/02/2024 14:52

Last update:

A baby girl arrived earlier today and mum & baby are both going well. Need minor observations but nothing serious and expected home on Sunday.

My services are no longer required!

I'll give it a few weeks before calling over with a small present & of course some new hair accessories for the new big sister so she doesn't feel left out!

Very surprised that this thread got a little negative and sexist. If there was a man neighbour with long hair the dad may have asked him. Maybe if he hadn't been so stressed, he would have made different choices etc. Who knows but he did what he thought was best for his daughter at the time.

They are decent people, asked for a very minor bit of help and have been nothing but polite. The dad was really trying and just wanted his daughter to be happy at a stressful time. Tbh, I was more offended by the posts referring to me as "the nearest vagina" than anything the dad did or said.

To be the positive posters who confirmed it was the right thing to do - thank you, I was initially thrown by it.

Sorry I should have heard the whole thread. Well done OP. Lovely outcome!