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Original poster

Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

619 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

OP posts:
Graceymac99 · 01/02/2024 22:04

What a lovely story. It sounds like the dad was trying his best to keep some semblance of normality during a really stressful time. I have 3 daughters and at one stage they were very particular about their plaits/ponytails etc. They would keep taking them out if they weren’t happy with them and ask me to redo them and my attempts weren’t too bad! You did s really nice thing. Sure you could have said no but it’s a small gesture really that didn’t cost you anything but a couple of minutes and I’m sure made a huge difference to them both during a a really difficult time.

Magicmama92 · 01/02/2024 22:05

Hi a lot saying he can learn. Just a different perspective I have really bad arthritis in my hands I got it young. I can't do my daughters hair unless it's a bun ponytail or bunches. My hands just find plats and more intricate styles hard. Maybe he has tried and struggles? Not everyone is good with hands. I'd just politely say why not do a pony tail or bunches. Otherwise If you are ok to help then maybe it would be nice. Certainly don't if you don't want to though. Kids that age can't do plats. My daughter is five she can brush and put headbands and clips in.

Popettypop · 01/02/2024 22:07

Years ago when I was a child this would not have been considered at all weird.
poor little girl is missing her mummy it’s so kind of you to lessen the disruption she will already be feeling.
bravo to you .

StarDolphins · 01/02/2024 22:14

I don’t think it’s weird at all & I would be more than happy to help! I’d also ask if I needed it.

Mum2three63 · 01/02/2024 22:27

I was in hospital overnight when my kids were of a similar age, my husband took my daughter to a neighbour to get her hair done for school because he couldnt do it, we did know the neighbour though

Exasperado · 01/02/2024 22:30

OK so I find it weird that he just went to a random stranger to ask! But, have been in the situation where I was in hospital, dad has dyspraxia and daughter has autism. Her hairstyle for school that she liked was braids. No way he could do them no matter how long he tried for! Daughter would have gone in with a different style but it would have been an extra stressor for her on top of my sudden admission.... Sensory reasons are why she likes it back tight off her face, and a pony just falls out. So I told him to bath her and bring her to visit with her hair still wet, and I did her hair in my hospital bed in tight braids that would last the couple of days if be in. Yeah it's not ideal and they'd have had to cope if I was unable, but I was able so I did. As he is a capable and equal parent in other ways I wasn't too miffed with him! Maybe there is something like this going on here, and maybe that's why he doesn't realise it's not really the socially acceptable thing to do..... Benefit of the doubt and all that!

Moonwatcher1234 · 01/02/2024 22:51

OP, I think you were very kind and it’s little things like this that help build a community. So surprised at some of the contempt being displayed to the poor dad - he’s not sexist, he clearly just didn’t know how to plait his child’s hair and so reached out for help. Isn’t it better when people ask for help and support instead of struggling on in silence. You may think it was nothing but maybe his child’s hair being done properly is a big thing to him.

Cheetah7 · 01/02/2024 22:53

It’s not weird at all, love thy neighbour community sprit and all that ! I’d take it as a compliment that he felt he could ask you to help.

Dimondsareforever · 01/02/2024 22:55

Unusual - but I wouldn’t say weird.

the guy is desperate! I went away with work when children were little. And asked a neighbour, fellow mum, to check children’s hair on way to school … my husband couldn’t manage a ponytail!

I would happily help a neighbour out …

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/02/2024 23:15

Re: some people struggle with plaits.....They do! I can do really nice fishtail plaits. DD wanted one once (yes.....she had watched frozen!) so I taught myself as I am pretty good with hair. For about 6 months I was the "on call" person within my friend group for it! Made a decent amount in wine though (we do not skill swap, we are very much a 1 favour = 1 bottle of wine economy so I was rather sad when they went off the fashion!).

My sister had long hair our entire childhood compared to my (enforced) short back and sides but is utterly crap at plaits. She starts off ok but somehow ends up with one great big thick section in one hand and much smaller section in the other. She has tried so hard but she just doesnt get it!

TooOldForThisNonsense · 01/02/2024 23:19

Nice update x

I’m so shite with hair I must admit I thought if she had a plait in that would last a few days and not need redone each day

Babyghirl · 01/02/2024 23:25

It's a child of 5/6 the father has asked you to do her hair I don't see a big deal in it tbh, maybe dad is away to work early in the morning so never has to do it, and doesn't want her to go in to school looking a mess with her hair not done, people are making it out like he has asked you to mind her and bath her and feed her

2021x · 01/02/2024 23:42

Yes it is out of the ordinary, and as you have spoken to the daughter about her hair and you have long hair I don't this is something to rage about.

Maybe just teach her how to do it on you, if her mum is OOA for a while it will be harder for you to say no in the future.

Celeriacisquitenice · 02/02/2024 01:36

It was very nice of you to help out at a stressful time.
Guessing you're Irish (like me) from your last post and your username 😊
I found lots of the responses very over the top, MN is strange sometimes.

yesmen · 02/02/2024 01:41

I had someone like you in my life for a short period of time.
They are in my heart forever - I can never explain how much the small, generous kindness they did meant to me 12 years ago.
I mean - I thanked them, clearly.
Pregnancy related too.

I love the super hero element of this. And I can imaging the quiet determination of the 5 years old - no dropping of standards just because mummy is away. 😁

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 02/02/2024 06:17

I think this is a really sweet thing you’re doing for them :)

Doone22 · 02/02/2024 08:33

Little kids can't do it. Lots of grown ups can't either as the manual dexterity required takes a lot of practice . It's not weird to ask just unusual. It's not the same to put in bunches or ponytail, at that age they'll not last all day.

comeagainx · 02/02/2024 11:13

@yesmen

I had someone like you in my life for a short period of time.
They are in my heart forever - I can never explain how much the small, generous kindness they did meant to me 12 years ago.
I mean - I thanked them, clearly.
Pregnancy related too.

I love the super hero element of this. And I can imaging the quiet determination of the 5 years old - no dropping of standards just because mummy is away.

This is a lovely post. It warmed my heart this morning.

Ohhoho · 02/02/2024 17:44

It’s not usual but it’s rather touching. It’s a good thing to do. I remember my mum went into hospital for a year when I was five and my gran had to do my plaits it wasn’t the same but was much better than a massive change of not having them ( she used to do them loose whereas my mum did them tight .. I liked them tight 😀
i t must be important to both of them to ask, so do your best. X I’d be flattered to be so trusted.

Muddyslippers · 02/02/2024 17:45

I agree. I'm a lone parent and have had to pop across to neighbours I have nodding acquaintance with for assistance. And they are happy to do it. And then they feel they can ask me things too. That is the kind of world I want to live in.

I'm interested that the little girl's wants haven't been mentioned in this discussion. Some girls absolutely don't want certain people to do their hair (he may have tried and pulled/done it badly) - and absolutely do want plaits. She must be very anxious at this time of change. I can imagine him giving her a choice and her choosing (unexpectedly) the neighbour. It's something the little girl can have control over. Just a thought.

amccabe15 · 02/02/2024 17:48

As fair as specifically plaiting the hair is concerned, ( you’ve said it’s lovely and long) the school probably insists it’s plaited to be under control, quite normal.
Your neighbour obviously feels you’re trustworthy, and it’s not as if he’s asking you to look after her for him. Take it as a compliment 👍

Julimia · 02/02/2024 17:48

I think thats lovely! and ok. If he feels comfortable to ask you todo tha t thats great. I would bevthrilled . What a great way to help.... and getv o know your neighbours !

Grandma600 · 02/02/2024 17:57

Not wishing to derail this thread in any way. My mum was hospitalised for a while when I was five, and my dad had absolutely no clue how to cope with my long, thick, wavy hair. He got his (childless) sister to come and tie it into bunches every morning, and invariably by midmorning the ribbons had fallen out and teacher was telling me off because my hair wasn't tied back!
Do your best, OP!

DenisK · 02/02/2024 17:57

I doubt very much if he is going to make his daughter happy by doing her hair himself. Not many men have a clue how to do longish hair. It would be a nice thing for the neighbour to do. She can always tell him where to go if he tries anything.

RiseAgainMum · 02/02/2024 18:04

Get her to sit behind you so you demo plaiting your own hair.

if you’ve short hair. Ask dad to buy hair styling head so that she can practise various styles