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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

619 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 02/02/2024 18:04

Glad it's all ok and that mum and baby are doing well.

This leapt out at me earlier:

My partner raised a good point last night about what if the baby is overdue and then also has an extended time in hospital, do I really want to be tied to my apartment every morning for 6 weeks (I stay in his a lot couldn't do that). Anyway I got a little smarter.

A man suggesting you think about yourself, and obv about him having your company too....

Take a leaf from that man's book, ladies.

Ganainm488 · 02/02/2024 18:08

To me this is not weird at all. You live next door in an apartment block. It takes something to bring people together. A cup of milk or sugar. Accepting a parcel. Watering plants when they’re away. Being able to help a neighbour is a lovely thing especially in their time of need.

Completelydonechick · 02/02/2024 18:10

What a great way to meet your neighbours 🥰🥰It doesn’t hurt to be generous sometimes and what’s the real harm!

anon666 · 02/02/2024 18:40

It sounds like he's panicking about the hair, maybe it's a displaced kind of fear. Like - I can't control the illness, what can I do to cope?

Then typically for a man, he's tried to find the nearest woman to help him out. 🤔

To be fair, for balance, I guess if I needed someone to jump start my car, I'd probably try to find a man.

murakamilove · 02/02/2024 18:42

That’s lovely - so nice you’re helping. This is what communities should be like!

MarvellousMonsters · 02/02/2024 18:47

I actually think this is lovely. A father is struggling and has reached out for help. As you say he clearly has a lot on his mind, and this small kindness could make a huge difference.

ilovebreadsauce · 02/02/2024 18:53

Hmm my first thought is that he is testing the water. I think if you do this the next thing will be dropping her off at school after, and then babysitting so his wife can ger some sleep and so on

HappyHolidays22 · 02/02/2024 18:58

I don’t think it’s that weird; it’s a stressful situation and dad just wants his daughter to have her hair done as she likes it (some kids are very routine focussed and the plaits might be a big deal for her).

I think it’s a lovely thing for you to have said yes to and they will appreciate it. They probably felt really embarrassed having to ask you.

what’s wrong with asking for help if you need it?

I do wonder whether this could be a regional or cultural divide thing too… I live in the North and find it odd that in other regions people tend to be more frosty towards one another. Just saying.

MrsGrumpyKnickers · 02/02/2024 19:06

Don’t overthink it, they obviously trust you to help them, which I think is lovely. This will help you to get to know them (if you want to of course!).

mrscee · 02/02/2024 19:06

That’s a bit weird, how does he know that you can plait hair? I mean I have a daughter who had long hair but I’m rubbish at plaits. What’s wrong with her just having a pony tail! If I was the mother I would find that abit odd to be fair!

Mumkins42 · 02/02/2024 19:12

It is weird. But he's possibly not thinking clearly due to the situation.

Either way, I think it's really lovely of you. You'll give the little girl some special attention and comfort I imagine whilst her mum is in hospital. 💐

AlleycatMarie · 02/02/2024 19:15

I think you’ve done such a lovely thing op and helped a dad out when he probably was having a massive panic about everything. This is what having neighbours should be about. I also think it’s a lovely idea to pop over in a few weeks to see them 🥰

saraclara · 02/02/2024 19:23

I'm a widow. I'm pretty capable, but just a few times I've had to ask a male neighbour for help.

I've been very reluctant to do so, but sometimes I simply had to.

Apparently that's me 'testing the waters' or 'dumping it on the nearest penis'.
And even more horribly, it's apparently either my late husband's fault for not having trained me to do those things, or, if he could look down and see me asking someone he'd be furious or embarrassed by how pathetic I am.

Sillyname63 · 02/02/2024 19:25

Perhaps because I am older 60+ I don't find this weird at all, poor child is feeling a little upset by Mum being in hospital and dad being worried about his wife and baby is feeling overwhelmed. What I am upset about is that people on here think it is weird. I would do it with good intentions , don't forget to get mum some flowers and a little gift for the new baby and perhaps a book or some hair clips for the little girl. I can assure you your kindness will not be forgotten.

croydon15 · 02/02/2024 19:29

To those MN who say that the man should learn to do his daughter's hair perhaps he should but he may have other things on his mind atm. Why can't one help someone in need,. as people have suggested perhaps the little girl said that the nice lady would be able to do it.
It's a nice thing to do.

doilooklikeicare · 02/02/2024 19:30

saraclara · 02/02/2024 19:23

I'm a widow. I'm pretty capable, but just a few times I've had to ask a male neighbour for help.

I've been very reluctant to do so, but sometimes I simply had to.

Apparently that's me 'testing the waters' or 'dumping it on the nearest penis'.
And even more horribly, it's apparently either my late husband's fault for not having trained me to do those things, or, if he could look down and see me asking someone he'd be furious or embarrassed by how pathetic I am.

You're not and it isn't!

You're absolutely fine.

I mean all the wound up women here saying he only asked you because you are female......

They've stopped thinking rationally,

For example ....

I need my daughter's hair plaited, she's upset about it...

Do I

  1. Ask John at number 47 who shaves his head

Or

  1. Do I ask Jane with the long hair at number 48?

The obtuse say you're asking because she had a vagina, the realists say you ask because she's more likely to be able to help.

Cerealkiller4U · 02/02/2024 19:34

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

id do it without hesitation

100%.

restingbitchface30 · 02/02/2024 19:34

I don’t find it that weird, I’m in the minority! I just think he doesn’t think he can do it very well so wants a woman, who can do it better, to help! It’s not a big deal!

JesusAndMaryPain · 02/02/2024 19:41

Omg what a lovely person you are. ❤️
I have 2 doctorates and cant do my own or my kids hair for shit. There are school photos with evidence of this. You've done a very kind thing. So what if its weird!

141mum · 02/02/2024 19:43

Deff not weird, he’s admitting he can’t do it, I would laugh
i went away for 4 days and my DH took daughter to school, with hair brush and bobbles and asked one of class mates mum. No problem

GreenFritillary · 02/02/2024 19:45

I remember this happening on our street when I was young and most girls had plaits.
These days, if I were that mother, I would have taught my husband to do her hair anyway.

JackyPaper · 02/02/2024 19:55

I love this. It feels like community. What a great way to get to know them better.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 02/02/2024 20:00

Just do it.

Pookerrod · 02/02/2024 20:11

IME men always seem to know how to get their needs met. For some reason his daughter needs her hair plaited. It doesn’t surprise me at all that her dad just thought he’d ask the lady next door as all females know how to braid 🙄

His wife will probably be mortified when she finds out but also grateful that you were kind to her daughter when her husband couldn’t be arsed to learn how to plait hair.

MustWeDoThis · 02/02/2024 20:14

My daughter just turned 10 and is only just about managing simple styles. I think, for you, it will be odd - Especially not having your own children and not knowing them.

However, I do think what you're doing is extremely kind and a good way to bond with your neighbours. You'll end up with a little girl who admires you, too and someone who made her feel a bit better when her Mummy was sick in hospital; a time when she's worried about her unborn sibling and can't really understand her own emotions. You're giving her that little bit of peace on a morning.

This also sounds like a typical Dad/bloke thing to do. I've had men approach me in shops, confused about which sanitary products to buy their wives or daughter's 😂. Sometimes they need their hands held.

Just hope that Mum&baby are doing well, and enjoy the lovely long hair you get to play with, and a little girl trusting you to do it, feeling safe with you in a time of turmoil.

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