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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums, is this weird or am I being weird?

619 replies

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 20:27

Hi, I don't know if neighbour is weird or if I'm just being silly?

I also don't have any children or huge experience with them. I asked a mom friend and think she is still laughing at me!!!

I don't know my neighbours well other than to wave and say hello in passing. I don't even know their names or they mine. I suspect they don't have family nearby.

This evening I get knock on the door. Male neighbour and his little girl. It's clear little girl (5/6) is a little upset. Mum is pregnant and due in 2 weeks and has been taken to hospital for observation. Don't have full story but iron & blood pressure issues.

The man has asked if I can do his daughter's hair every morning for school as he can't plait it. Little girl has gorgeous long hair she always wears in a plait. He can't plait it.

In awkwardness, I tried to show him how. I think he has bigger things on his mind as he didn't really want to learn, just wants me to do it. Anyway I have agreed to plait it every morning while mum is in hospital once his daughter is here at a certain time. What else could I say?

Is this normal and ok? Will the mum be ok with it? Should kids that age not be able to do it themselves? Could he not just put it in a ponytail?

Please tell me it's normal and I'm just overthinking it. I'm not usually awkward but this has thrown me for some reason. I don't know these people.

OP posts:
Ohnoooooooo · 02/02/2024 20:14

My daughter learnt to do her own hair at that age because I am terrible with hair. By 7 she was watching YouTube videos on how to braid her own hair in the mirror.
I appreciate he’s stressed but really he could have just watched a YouTube video it’s pretty weird he’s knocked on a strangers door just because you are a woman.

threatmatrix · 02/02/2024 20:19

It might just be a dad at his wits end.

Namechangeforname · 02/02/2024 20:28

I don’t think it’s weird and I think you sound lovely!
I’d be very grateful to you if that was me in hospital. Would be mortified at my dp though 😆
In fact, this has made me think I need to teach my own dp to do hair (two girls here).

BerryCupcake · 02/02/2024 20:35

I personally think it’s really lovely he felt he could ask you! I wouldn’t overthink it my DH would need help with my DDs hair. Maybe DD is upset her mum’s not at home and he’s trying to keep things the same as possible for her. It’s nice to hear you have agreed to help even though you probably felt you didn’t have a choice!

Mummamap · 02/02/2024 20:44

Not that weird. I lived abroad for a few years and different nationalities have different normals.
one of my neighbours I barely knew turned up one day with her daughter, pj’s and a. Can of baked beans and asked me to care for her while she went off to give birth.
Another family asked the whole estate to their daughters wedding - hundreds of us - we paraded in one door and out another to bless the couple.
They maybe less stuff than is Brits and not be afraid to ask the community for help - it takes a village and all that…

BloodyButcher · 02/02/2024 20:46

Slightly weird - but a good way to get to know at least one of your neighbouring families. You will be well thought of by them; especially for helping in their time of need. I hope it's a positive experience for you and them.

NaughtybutNice77 · 02/02/2024 20:48

I wouldn't expect a 6 year old child to be able to plait their own hair...certainly not a white British one!
Yes it's a bit unusual but he's desperate. I'm not sure I'd have agreed to do that every morning but I probably would have offered some sort of practical help like a 'lesson' or alternative. You don't sound like you k ow them well. It might not even be his daughter.
You've agreed to it now. Just do it with an open heart and save this happening for an amusing anecdote.

StressedOutButProudMama · 02/02/2024 21:08

No it's not weird, sounds like a dad who is genuinely struggling with his wife not being there and wants the best for his daughter. I met my neighbours in similar circumstances. My DS did go to school with their DD however she's 4 years younger. Never spoke, kids don't really speak but mum was rushed to hospital with gallbladder and dad didn't drive. He didn't think, tried his best to ensure his DD was dressed, did her hair, albeit a bit of a mess, but he tried then suddenly realised that been in an area without buses before 9am and no car he was stuck. He came and asked and we immediately agreed to take both children to school even though as they had staggered drop off times it would mean our DS going in earlier. We did it. Kids are now good friends and I'm just as comfortable asking them for help as hey are for me.

Sounds like dad has panicked maybe school has certain hairstyle guidelines. Regardless you could have said no but it's not like he's leaving his child in your care. He's with her a d is probably terrified of mum being in hospital. I'd commend him for having the balls to ask for help. Many won't because of this exact fear of being considered weird.

Ginburee · 02/02/2024 21:14

I so would have done this in a heartbeat.
My gut is that dad just didn't know and panicked a bit. My husband can do a ponytail but can't plait at all after years of teaching. X

Nily4567 · 02/02/2024 21:34

just someone who is reaching out for help?

OldPerson · 02/02/2024 22:14

Absolutely not right. You people don't know each other - so he shouldn't be leaving his child with you. That's his bad. Also mum is probably not going to be up for plaiting hair immediately after birth. And you'll probably end up being taken advantage of with other things - like him dropping child with you when mum is in labour?? Unless you want them in your life on a daily/weekly, I'd just tell Dad you've reconsidered and your mum has advised you not to accept responsibility for his child, because you don't have the experience with such small children. Dad is either dumb and helpless or highly manipulative. But you need to set your boundaries.

Boomboom22 · 02/02/2024 22:21

People on here are so weird. It must be skewed because it's online but still.
We've got comments about boundaries, pp who don't understand what the word stranger means, pp who seem to genuinely believe this is either the start of an affair or a slippery slope to op essentially fostering the girl.
Alongside those who seem to think anyone can do a plait! I'd think a lot of women can't, those with fine hair or mums who couldn't plait for a start.
And then the jealous psychos who say they'd go mental if their husband ever dared ask a neighbour for help.

Seriously, a lot of these posters have such deep rooted issues 🙃

Jack80 · 02/02/2024 22:22

I feel for the man, yes it can come across as weird but he obviously thinks your a nice person to ask you. I'm sure his wife/partner will appreciate your help

ScottishWaylander · 02/02/2024 22:34

It may be his way of reaching out for help needed in a more general way.

Mamabear2424 · 02/02/2024 22:36

A child of that age would not be able to plait it themselves no. I think its lovely he asked and perhaps she always has it done and he wants to keep some normality for her, id be really happy he asked , they must trust and like you xx

DorsetCafes · 02/02/2024 22:41

threatmatrix · 02/02/2024 20:19

It might just be a dad at his wits end.

Eh?

When I am at my wits end (I am a single mother so this happens reasonably often) I do not go round knocking on doors asking enormous favours from male strangers I do not know. I doubt that any women would, unless a matter of life or death, which this isn’t.

Why should it be Ok for a dad to do so?
Why can’t he just look it up on YouTube and get on with it? Yes it won’t be perfect the first time and there will be some bad words muttered, like when I tried to repair my own kitchen drainage pipes, but that’s life. I really don’t like this helplessness which men affect when it comes to doing something they think is women’s work.

Noglitterallowed · 02/02/2024 22:42

OldPerson · 02/02/2024 22:14

Absolutely not right. You people don't know each other - so he shouldn't be leaving his child with you. That's his bad. Also mum is probably not going to be up for plaiting hair immediately after birth. And you'll probably end up being taken advantage of with other things - like him dropping child with you when mum is in labour?? Unless you want them in your life on a daily/weekly, I'd just tell Dad you've reconsidered and your mum has advised you not to accept responsibility for his child, because you don't have the experience with such small children. Dad is either dumb and helpless or highly manipulative. But you need to set your boundaries.

Your mum has advised you?? What does that even mean????

Noglitterallowed · 02/02/2024 22:43

DorsetCafes · 02/02/2024 22:41

Eh?

When I am at my wits end (I am a single mother so this happens reasonably often) I do not go round knocking on doors asking enormous favours from male strangers I do not know. I doubt that any women would, unless a matter of life or death, which this isn’t.

Why should it be Ok for a dad to do so?
Why can’t he just look it up on YouTube and get on with it? Yes it won’t be perfect the first time and there will be some bad words muttered, like when I tried to repair my own kitchen drainage pipes, but that’s life. I really don’t like this helplessness which men affect when it comes to doing something they think is women’s work.

Show quote history

He’s got a young child at home that is wanting her usual hairstyle while worrying about his wife in hospital and their unborn baby! Bit different really isn’t it to your situation

threatmatrix · 02/02/2024 23:16

DorsetCafes · 02/02/2024 22:41

Eh?

When I am at my wits end (I am a single mother so this happens reasonably often) I do not go round knocking on doors asking enormous favours from male strangers I do not know. I doubt that any women would, unless a matter of life or death, which this isn’t.

Why should it be Ok for a dad to do so?
Why can’t he just look it up on YouTube and get on with it? Yes it won’t be perfect the first time and there will be some bad words muttered, like when I tried to repair my own kitchen drainage pipes, but that’s life. I really don’t like this helplessness which men affect when it comes to doing something they think is women’s work.

Show quote history

Jesus wish I hadn’t opened my mouth. I would agree with you but I don’t like being wrong.

Alexcan17 · 02/02/2024 23:29

I had 4 younger siblings and I'd say 2 arrived while I was at school, and my mum had to stay in for 2 weeks with one, hair wasn't right for school all that time even though to an outsider it was fine but my dad didn't do our hair usually and it didn't feel right, I can remember it to this day, all j remember is I missed my mum and my hair wasn't right, everything else he obviously did fine!

hcee19 · 02/02/2024 23:46

My family has been in the position as your neighbour is now....l had got cancer again, for the third time, as it was the same as before, we knew l would be in hospital for months. My daughter had just started primary school, she was four...Of all things l was so worried about who would "do" her hair everyday for school, it is extremely long , l did not want to cut it.....I went into her school to imform them what was going on at home, mentioning how worried l was
about her hair....sorted in an instant. The school asked she bring a brush, elastic bands ribbons etc & they would do her hair, every morning befoe classes began ..Perhaps you could suggest this to your neighbour?

welyjiwjiw · 03/02/2024 00:24

It is a little odd, but very kind of you to help! When I was in hospital before having my son (I was in and out a good month before having him)…my daughter was in pre school, and my husband had no idea how to do her hair…but he tried. When she left pre school she/we were given a portfolio of her time there with photos etc and you could tell which days my husband had to do her hair just by looking at the photos 🤣

Grandmabedbuddy · 03/02/2024 00:36

Firstly, I don’t think it is weird, you’re a neighbour not someone random, albeit you don’t know them other than waving and saying ‘hello’. Secondly, if it was me that was asked and the time was ok I’d gladly do it to help out, only problem with me is I can’t plait, except when it’s from a ponytail. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ My two girls had beautiful hair, I just couldn’t do all the nice hair styles, they just had simple ones, I was always envious and amazed at the school gates of the mums who could do beautiful styles, I always felt inadequate.. My ex husband could do their hair better than me, I’m too fingers and thumbs. 🤣🤣🤣 Lastly, I think it’s nice that a loving father wants his little girl to have nice hair for school, plus I’m sure the mum will be pleased and thankful. Girls and boys that age can be mean, it’s best things are kept as normal as possible. From a grandma aged 62.

newfriend05 · 03/02/2024 05:54

I don't think it weird , the dad needs a bit of help he asked a neighbour.. some of you need to get of your soap boxes

doilooklikeicare · 03/02/2024 07:44

Pookerrod · 02/02/2024 20:11

IME men always seem to know how to get their needs met. For some reason his daughter needs her hair plaited. It doesn’t surprise me at all that her dad just thought he’d ask the lady next door as all females know how to braid 🙄

His wife will probably be mortified when she finds out but also grateful that you were kind to her daughter when her husband couldn’t be arsed to learn how to plait hair.

Well I suppose there is more chance that OP with long hair will know how to plait that the bloke the other side that shaves his head knowing..... ??

Stop being so bloody touchy!

If OP didn't know, she'd have said ...... I don't know how to plait.