To think this is probably the worst mistake ever

[Justbreakingnow]

I know, it’s not forever, but does anyone enjoy this? Memories become hazy over the years and it’s easy to remember the baby days as this lovely simple time. Mine just cries and cries relentlessly. Won’t feed and won’t really interact with anything.

So I’ve just lost it. I’ve screamed and screamed and put the baby somewhere I can’t hear and I don’t care. It feels a bit like -
well, I’ve tried all day to comfort and got nowhere so is there actually any point? I’m miserable and I can’t see forwards.

My DM used to say I cried/bellowed a lot as a baby when she was trying to get me to sleep. She used to lay me on my stomach - it was a long time ago now. I've never told her but even today if I try to sleep face down I get terrible pins and needles in my right arm, really painful. I've always assumed that some how a nerve gets trapped or something like that. It could be your baby is reacting to a discomfort which nobody could possibly work out. Maybe you could try taking him for massages or something similar, like swimming, and see if that makes a difference, relaxes the tension.

@Justbreakingnow do you have an automatic baby swing? They're a game changer.

Oh and cranial osteopathy is amazing. Loads of evidence it works. I know people poo poo it on here but it does work. Not guaranteed obviously but won't do any harm.

ive read all your posts but not all replies so apologies if someone has recommended this already… But have you tried seeing how she is if you wear her in a sling at home? Obviously it’s not practical all the time but I wonder if her feeling close to you might help south her and help with bonding. “Why love matters” is a great book and could offer some really helpful insight. I think reaching out for some support from your health visitor would be a good idea. It’s reached a point where someone needs to step in and support you both. You can move forward from this place but you must be emotional and physically exhausted and maybe need a fresh head to help you find your next steps. Glad you shared on here - many will have felt similar and can support you too.

No I don’t want her near me tbh. Let’s just let the thread die. None of these suggestions work and I don’t want to waste peoples time. We just have to wait.

My CPMA silent reflux baby was like this and nearly killed me. I hated her and hated having a baby.

I don’t think you’re in a place for advice right now OP so I’m just sending solidarity and a promise that it won’t always be like this. One day you will be glad you had her. I promise.

I hope you feel reassured that you're not the only mum to feel like this about their baby. My first son was a crier. He didn't sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time, day or night. I was so relieved maternity leave back then was only 6 months, and my workplace had a creche. I remember handing him over to his assigned nursery nurse with a huge sigh of relief. I felt like a terrible mother.

This will pass. Look after yourself.

This is why I couldn't have a child - I would not have the patience and I would crack big time

OP you need to see your GP now. You sound quite seriously depressed and it would help both you and your daughter to get this sorted.

I haven't rtft but maybe you could look into some PND support groups? This feeling will be familiar to so many mums there and it could help to have someone to talk to.

I feel for you. It’s so hard when they are inconsolable and you did the right thing in putting her somewhere safe and walking away for a few minutes. It’s a bit random, but one thing that worked for us during the crying times is playing The Happy Song by Imogen Heap. We had it on repeat in the car (DS’s personal enemy at 6-8 months)! Every baby is different, but it worked magic for us and a few friends when we just needed a break from the screaming

I really don’t think it’s PND. I think anyone would be fed up!

Yanbu to feel how you do..just do what you have to, to keep you both safe.
If that means just leaving her to cry whilst you scream into a pillow, have a coffee whatever. Just hang on op.

Do you have a partner who lives with you, will they be home soon?

We've all done it lovely. You've done the right thing. Drink a cuppa in peace and then go back. Don't give yourself such a hard time. Is baby old enough for calpol? If so I often found a dose of that would bring some peace until I started guilting myself for not realising they might be ill. You're not alone

Back in the 80s when mine would scream the health visitor told me to make sure he was safe then go and relax in another room with the door shut. He’s 35 now and no harm done x

Yes of course but the feeling of rage and not wanting DD near is PND (ime).
I got treatment for mine and it helped so much. As did just doing what worked and fuck everyone else (for mine that was front sleeping and living in the sling but all babies are different).
Just having someone to vent to can help.

Maybe chat to your health visitor. Ds1 was a nightmare but I never felt like I didn't want him near me.

No advice but deep sympathy, mine was like that at times and it was horrible I used to feel that they hated me! I would feed them, they carried on screaming, change them, they carried on screaming, sing to them, they carried on screaming, play with them, well you get the gist. I felt so inadequate and useless. They were a bad sleeper too, it was hell. As they grew and developed and were able to do more the relentless crying did ease, I sometimes used to wonder that the more they could do the less bored and frustrated they were. In contrast I did not experience the "terrible twos", sometimes I think that it is swings and roundabouts with being a parent but of course my musings are not going to help you deal with what you are currently coping with. I did used to put my baby back in their cot and then go outside and kick the wheelie bin as an outlet for the stress, or I would put headphones in and listen to music which somewhat deadened the racket. It will pass that I promise you

It's okay to feel how you feel but I would look through suggestions and keep reading rather than giving up. Sometimes continuing to try things while the hard times are occurring at least helps you feel you have some control in trying/planning next steps. It may all make no difference, but mentally it can help to try as much as possible. Some of the things asked in terms of have you tried X or Y you haven't answered, if we know what you have tried there may be some suggestions you haven't yet tried, and something may help.

It is also worth speaking to a GP if it goes on too long.

Additionally some headphones with an audio book while you're holding her and she's crying may help to distract your mind a little. You may have tried something like that already

I really don’t think it’s PND. I think anyone would be fed up!

I'm often frustrated for posters who are clearly just having a bad day or a bad patch and others keep pushing depression or PND onto them. Sometimes people just reach their daily limits.

Sympathies. It's shite. I very much love my children, but I can't / couldn't stand the baby stage.
Hang in there. It does get better, I promise.
My youngest just turned 1 and he's much happier since being on the move. I always found it easier as they learned the next thing... Now I'm waiting for him to walk. My eldest has been a delight since around 14 months and he's now 3.5 and brilliant to parent. As a baby, he screamed nonstop for the first 14 weeks of his life and whinged until 9 months when things finally got a bit easier cause he started shuffling.

What makes it worse is those with the 'perfect' babies. Ds1 was so hard but after 1 he's never been a bother. He's 26 now very intelligent and well adjusted. But my goodness did he wail! I bf so blamed myself. Daft thinking back but he was my 1st.

Oh me too, used to fantasise about getting some sort of not too painful condition that would require a week in hospital! There was a bed shop close to where I lived and I used to dream about crashing the pram through the window and just passing out on one of the beds. Even my blood used to feel too tired to get round my veins.

My DD was exactly the same. Wouldn't be put down, always overtired and angry. We used this sleep app called Huckleberry which did help in terms of working out when to get her napping etc but we were so tired and she was so tired it was impossible to get the sleep tips to work. We ended up driving her round in the car for literally hours until she was well rested enough to sleep for the rest of the night (not sleep through, lots of night waking still, but brief feeds rather than being awake long stretches). We'd then have a good day or two before the mess would start all over again. We basically just had to wait until she grew out of it. Solidarity OP. Now I have a baby and a toddler whilst the baby is quite good it's so exhausting looking after both that I find I have limited patience with my baby's crying. You feel so guilty. I hope you're OK xx

100% this. Having a baby is a huge life change. No other life change would have people trying to diagnose you with depression if you said you regretted it!
Of course some people have PND but I feel it’s not accepted to just feel you made a mistake, which can actually make stuff worse as you feel like you have something massively wrong with you.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds really tough. Reflux is a possibility? One of my kids cried until he crawled due to reflux.

Do you have a health visitor? They are the responsible hcp for this age.

For what it's worth, putting baby down somewhere safe and going into another room until you feel calmer, is what is sometimes needed for you to cope. I'm going to leave a link for a website about strategies to cope with a crying baby. I hope things start to improve for you really soon.

https://iconcope.org/