A question to all those who think school refusal in schools is increasing due to lazy, enabling parents...

[Edsspecialsauce]

The question I always have is why?
Why would we choose this?
I hear all the time that it's all our fault, it's just parents letting them get away with murder. Enabling their behaviour etc
How come you get families where one sibling is fine in school and the other has to be dragged in screaming?
Why would I choose to spend my whole time in the playground begging?
Why would I choose to be on a final warning at work due to absence?
Why would I choose to be on antidepressants due being completely burnt out after five years of struggling?
I'm a single parent and my DC is disabled. I could probably get benefits and home ed, so why if I'm not bothered about her education am I dragging her through the school gates, crying (I'm often crying too)
Every day, five days a week, for years.

@plasmeh indeed, not to mention let's move the SEN room that is meant to be your safe refuge, let's run classes in the SEN room, let's move it AGAIN, let's change the rules about when you're allowed in there, let's give you a timeout pass so that you can re-regulate but then don't let you use it, let's give you an early leave pass do that you can avoid the crowded corridors but then shame you for using it (with, my favourite, the headteacher threatening, in front of the class, to take it away because there are too many students using them) etc etc etc I don't think people believe it, because it is so maddeningly unreasonable.

@DelilahsHaven you couldn’t make it up, could you?

Is there an ongoing Mumsnet EBSA support thread? Just for people going though this and not for those judging us?

I work in a school.

so I am very clear. Mums like you. The ones who persist. We admire.

The ones we don’t are the ones who don’t bother.

I don't think there is. I think someone should start one, I'm probably not the best to do that as my children are now older and it's been a few years since the refusal but I'll happily contribute .

Who cares if a school admires them?! Wouldn’t factor into my thinking at all.

When you say persist I wonder what you mean?

Do you mean the ones who bring their kids in even when they know it is damaging them?

Or the ones who persist in fighting with the school/ LA for correct provisions?

Did you read the original post? Shes literally asking why people think parents of school refusers. I’m clarifying there are two distinct types and the thought varies. Presumably the OP DOES care what people think ergo the post.

No. I mean the ones who don’t try anything ever and ignore all advice and then get annoyed when nothing helps.

No she isn’t- she asked why people make negative judgements of parents when their children exhibit EBSR… and you responded by saying you negatively judged parents whose children exhibit EBSR.

She already knows people are judging her. Your claim that you admire those that you decide have ‘persisted’ is patronising in the extreme.

I absolutely did not say that.

You said that you admire some parents of children who exhibit EBSR (the ones you judge to do the correct thing by ‘persisting’),

and that you don’t admire others (the ones that you judge to be doing the wrong thing by ‘not trying’ or ‘not bothering’).

It isn’t your place to judge people, you have no idea what they are or aren’t doing, and it’s patronising to tell them that you ‘admire them’ if they do what you think they should. No one needs admiration from their kids school, or randoms on the internet.

I did not say I negatively judge parents of kids who experience EBSA. Do not twist what I said.

The op posted. I responded. Seeing as you lack basic comprehension and twist what I say I am not interested in your view of what I said.

I can’t twist what you wrote- it’s right there for everyone to see. Several people have picked up on it.

Same here. I’m 42 now and I still wake up crying after nightmares around having to go to school. I have a reoccurring dream that I’m back at secondary school and I desperately don’t want to go - then I realise I don’t have to anymore because I’m 42 but by then I’m crying and feeling genuine depression and anxiety in my dream.

Name one adult you know who would agree to go into a work place where the colleagues were absolutely feral, everyone hated you and you were not actually learning anything/earning anything.

You admire “mums” that force their kids into an environment where they are desperately unhappy? Well as long as you admire them for it 🙄

Perhaps you would like to quote where I made any reference to children at all.

Nope. Didn’t say that either.

As I said, everyone can see what you said, I don’t need to repeat it.

Why do you think people give a shit about your “admiration” do you not think they might have more important things on their minds? Hope you’re not a teacher.

What do YOU do to ensure the school is not an absolute hell hole for some kids? Should we be “admiring” you?

Home Ed your child they can still get a. Good education . Infact a very different varied fulfilled one . Enjoy your child .
Make life that bit easier on you both.

Yea you are right . It’s not for fun is it .

Thank you for this thread. Always good to be reminded that you are not alone!

Zebra - completely agree about xmas. Its already too much then add in all tv/film watching at school etc.
Its basically from 1st dec.
Even at secondary dd watched films for days.

Obviously this was very different when i was at school, no tv or films exceots actual education ones.

Luckily mine seem ok with change. But dress down or trips can be a lot.

@Tooolde the only thing that changed was in our last RE lesson of the term the teacher would read us the chronicles of Narnia. November on its relentlessly disruption now.

Half the time school has no idea what the parent is doing in the morning.

Which is what I should be doing now